Embedded to Fear

Chapter 2

December 31, Noelle woke up and started her day as her usual routine. She owns a restaurant near her house in Catania City. Noelle also owns a house and she lives alone. She left her family in their province, Camacailan. She wants to leave everything. She even wants to leave her own family who thinks she was a failure. A nothing but a loser.

She wants to show everyone that she can stand, she can fight and win. Every year in every occasion feels normal days for her. She still supports her family by giving them monthly allowance. For her 2 years in living on her own, she never come back to her province since the day she left.

Her life have been full of and swallowed in fear. Fear to fail and satisfy the people around her, the people who will only there to judge her and the people who have high expectations to her. She fear to do something new in her life because of those people. Since she was 6 year old. She was weak, everyone in their province says that she was born weak. Even her own family. And so she told herself that after she graduate she will leave her past life and start a new life on her own.

Now, As she finally achieved her first goal in her life by leaving her past full of hatred, tears, disappointments and different kinds of fears. She's now about to start her new life with a full of happiness, new experience and challenges, new environments and new friends that will forms her into a better person.

Noelle's pov

Today is december 31, Nakapagawa nako ng sarili kong bahay na sakto para lamang sa'kin. Mayroon na rin akong restaurant na masasabi kong akin. Nasa bagong lugar na ako na kung saan ay natakasan ko na ang nakaraan. Maluwag na ang aking pakiramdam pero bakit parang hindi ako masaya? Ito ba ang pakiramdam ng magisa? Oh eto lamang ang iniisip ko kapag mag-isa?

I know being alone doesn't mean you're lonely pero bakit sakin ang lungkot? Nakamit ko na ang gusto ko, nakapagtapos, nabubuhay na ng mag-isa at malayo sa takot na dala ng nakaraan.

Nabubuhay na ako ngayon sa kasalukuyan at hinaharap ang kinabukasan ng payapa, ngunit bakit ni minsan hindi ko naramdaman ang sumaya.

Do i know the real meaning of happiness? or all i know is the "Fear"?

I was on my deep thoughts about the past when someone entered in my restaurant, another customer. I was still here in my resto, accepting and preparing orders of foods for the New Year occasion. I have no plans of celebrating because from my entire 23 years of existence, I never celebrated any occasion or holidays. Not even once, even my birthday which will be tomorrow, january 1.

Noelle: Clarke, ikaw na muna ang magdeliver netong orders kay Nanay Marx ha. Ibigay mo na rin tong Cake na gawa ko, sabihin mo regalo ko sa kanila dahil suki natin sila simula pa nung umpisa.

Venice? Ikaw na ang magsara netong resto mamaya pagkatapos ni Clarke, magdeliver ha. Mauuna na ako at marami pa kasi akong gagawin. Umuwi na kayo sa inyo, sa january 4 nalang ulit tayo magbukas. Mauuna na ako. Ingat kayo.

Clarke: Sige ate Noelle kami na po ang bahala dito, ingat kayo.

Venice: Ingat ate Noelle.

I was driving home, when i realized na maingay na naman pala mamayang gabi dahil may pa-countdown kapag sinasalubong ang bagong taon. So, bibili nalang ako ng alak at pagkain, babaybayin ang daan magbabakasakaling makahanap ng payapang lugar. For 30 minutes of traveling alone, I don't even know kung saang lugar na naman itong napuntahan ko.

I'm an introvert person so bahay, resto at gala alone lang ang takbo ng buhay ko. May mga kaibigan naman ako pero mas gusto ko talaga ang mapag-isa. I only have a small circle of friends and they're all worthy to trust and happy to be with.