The Twenty Year Itch

Part 3: South Africa Mate

That unforgivable feeling many experience, but no one talks about because it's taboo.

Depression.

I'm usually happy- more than most. Why shouldn't I be? I'm alive and loved...by friends and family at least.

So why is it I feel so heavy and weak around Emma sometimes.

I've never been the serious serious one in our friendship. Usually Emma has to reign me back in- but lately it's been different.

This morning for example.

My crude comment should have never been uttered.  More importantly, I shouldn't have felt the way I did.

Being on top of her like that.

Gazing down into those beautiful eyes.

She's made it abundantly clear- to everyone- that she's over me.

Yet my feelings are still manifesting and getting stronger for her.

Sitting at one of my favorite restaurants at Venice Beach- I stare out at the ocean as Emma sips her sweet tea and feeds Willow a French fry.

"You've been awfully quiet all morning. Did the lack of sleep break you?" She beams at me with her hat back- well my hat- backwards on her head and her white t-shirt slightly exposing her black bra underneath it.

"Do you want to come with me to South Africa?"

"Hmm...that's random. What's in South Africa?"

"I'm finishing up filming Origin tomorrow. Then I was planning on staying a bit." It's beautiful in Cape Town. I'd move there if it meant Emma would be with me.

"Tomorrow? When are you leaving?" Is she really considering coming?

No.

Emma doesn't do spontaneous anything.

She loves structure and months of planning.

She can't jump on a whim and say- Yes, I'll do it.

"In about two and a half hours." I say and her face drops.

No way she's considering it.

"Alright."

Wait...what?

"What?"

"Yeah- I'll come with you. I've never been to South Africa...so why not?"

"You're serious? You're going to come?!" I ask again to make sure I heard her right.

"Well if you keep asking- I'm going to change my mind." Biting a French fry, she smiles sheepishly at me and I honestly can't believe it.

"Alright! I won't ask. But you should probably get some clothes together."

"Don't you have enough for the both of us?" My pants tighten slightly and I'm thankful there's a solid table blocking her view.

"Well...um...so mean- sure- if you don't mind board shorts and going topless." Why the fuck did I say that?!

"Well...it is hot in Africa...I could go all natural for a few days." Tighter! The trousers are definitely tighter than seconds ago.

"I think we're gonna find you a Burqa and hijab." Last thing I need is a naked Emma Watson making the news.

"Oh- you're no fun." She rolls her eyes and looks out at the ocean. "Do you think it'll always be this way?"

"What? Sunny?"