In all seriousness, I’m sick of this shit I have to deal with.
I hate the fact that I’m the eldest, in which I feel like is a HUUGEEE pain in the ass since day 1 of my life. Imagine all those baggage you carry around your shoulders for the rest of your life--- being a responsible child to your parents and being a good role model to your younger siblings and a good student constantly for the rest of your school life so as to lessen the burden of your parents and hopefully support your siblings in their future.
Not only that, being eldest also means being expected to be the best among your siblings which means you have put and exert more effort than everyone else in your family to be the best in terms of education, social life and well, basically, life. Actually, I used to not hate being the eldest child but when I started to hit the stage of life where I started to think more of the future, my mind just goes all panicky and I feel like my heart clenches. And I’m definitely not joking when I say my heart really feels like it clenches. I don’t hate the concept or the identity of “eldest” but what I hate is the fact that my capability and personality doesn’t match with “being the eldest”.
Why? It’s because,
I’m not smart enough to be the top of the class. I’m not matured enough to handle some things that needs wise decision or advice. I’m not charming enough to entertain some visitors or mingle with relatives that I don’t have a freaking clue about. I don’t know what to say when a relative’s or a friend’s someone suddenly dies, I just don’t know what to say so I just don’t see them for some period of time so I can avoid bringing it up. When I’m expected to do a task, I usually forget it or when I do it, I usually don’t meet their expectations. I don’t have enough life experience I can advise the younger ones and I feel like a child pretending to be an adult when I talk with people my age and people older than me.
And when it comes to friends, when you are known to be the eldest one of the group, you are expected to give some enlightenment advice to your said younger friends which I’m pretty bad at. Younger friends and acquintances sometimes also expects that being eldest also comes with experience with things such as when a situation such as a fight that suddenly ensues among the group, you are expected to fulfill your role as the matured one and be the peace maker or whatever it is and give a heart-felt and award-winning speech afterwards. Augh. Imagine I have to suffer that just because im older by a year or 3?! WTF?!
