Starcrossed

15. What Bastards Are Made Of

A/N: It's been such a long time since I updated this story, be sure to leave me a comment and to vote for the chapter... tell me what you think it's gonna happen next, what do you think i should do with Raul, what color cast should Lola get... lol
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Lola

I feel drained. I rolled around my bed, trying to get comfortable but damn it i just couldn't. 

When I woke up today, I didn't think my day would turn into what it did. The day before, I had been shocked. Bee told me she was pregnant and all I could think about was that she had fucked him. She had been crying and all I could do was hug her to hide those feelings that where coursing through me. I didn't want her to know what I was thinking or feeling, but the look on her face told me she already knew. I felt betrayed which lead to feeling like a jerk for feeling that. I had no right... she wasn't mine.

I promised to her I'd think about what she had told me and that I would call her the next day. Truth be told, I didn't sleep much last night; I was tired but not sleepy tired.

I had so much to process it was ridiculous. I knew something was up from the moment I saw her around that idiot. He looked like the cat that got the cream, and now I knew why. He was mocking me! Okay, so maybe he wasn't mocking me, but he was showing off that he got her and I had nothing. What makes me think that he knew about my feelings? Unless he is a true idiot, I'd say it was very visible. The way I practically hang onto her every word; it's pathetic, I know. I think out of all of us, Memo was the first one to realize that I had fallen for his girlfriend. It would explain why he was always trying to start something with me. He was trying to show me he was 'the' man... 'her' man.

I had thought that things would be different now since our friendship was becoming something else; at least I thought it was until I got the silent treatment from her. Every time I got the silent treatment from her, it meant that he had gotten to her head and I had to practically fight my way through those Jericho like walls of hers. I had done it before that day at the park, but now things were different. What pissed me off the most, I think, was that I didn't know what had changed.

Now I understood everything, and it pained me to think that I was a bitch to her. Another thing that was making my chest hurt just at the thought was that she was going to give birth to his kid. I think what pained me the most was that it was his kid... his. I don't know what I was thinking, really. I mean it's not like I can give her a kid... that would be weird. But did it really had to be his? Ugh even thinking about it now makes my stomach churn in a painful and disgusting way. It wasn't the kid's fault, I know that, but damn it! Why did that have to happen, I remember thinking to myself; and after today I learned to stop questioning life.

Life happens and then you die... my new motto.

When I went to pick her up, everything was fine and dandy. I was nervous as fuck, though, but tried to hide it very well. I think I was doing a fine job, until I grabbed her hand and my whole resolve melted away at the warmth of her hand. I had been dying to touch her, for god's sake! It had been so long since we talked that the moment I saw her walk out of the house, I could feel my heart hammering against my chest in an almost giddy way. My hands were sweating, my heart was hammering, and my whole body felt as if on a cloud as I walked towards her. The way she made me feel... it had been so long since I felt that way.

But alas, I had to stop before I did something I'd regret. From there things just got weird... really weird. I thought it would be like any other time we've hanged out, but no. Things were awkward. I hadn't noticed how bad she looked; how tired, how pale, how skinny she was. For someone who is supposed to be pregnant, shouldn't they be a little fuller... not meaning fat, but at least a little pudgy, right?