Dance With The Devil

A SHADOW'S THOUGHTS - PART ONE

A SHADOW'S THOUGHTS

PART ONE

GRACE

He was angry.

He had gone through this so many times before and he knew exactly how it was going to end. He had never wanted a stranger in his house pretending to care for him but his parents insisted that it was necessary. Another woman would come today and he knew exactly how she would react, he knew what he had to do to make her go away. He just wanted to be left alone. He had his mother and his father to care for him, they had always cared for him. There was no need for a nanny.

He watched as his mother hugged him, stroking his hair and placing him on his favorite armchair in the library. She had picked a nice outfit for the day, first impressions were important, she told him. His father awaited in the living room starring absent-minded at the fireplace. He wanted to join him but he knew it was forbidden. He scratched the wall near the fireplace letting him know that he was there.

Brahms, he called out his name without taking his eyes from the fire.

I need you to be a good boy today, we can't have another nanny running away because of your silly pranks, do you understand? He said tiredly.

But father I don't want another nanny, they are always mean to me, he said quietly. He knew he could not change their minds but he had to try.

Your mother and I are both very tired, a nanny will help us all, he insisted and he knew that it was the end of the conversation.

I'll be good father, I promise, he finally said. Yes, he would be good until she makes the first mistake.

It was only moments later that he heard the front door opening and he heard the grocery boy talking to someone. He entered the living room and after him followed the woman his parents had hired as a nanny. Woman was not the right word, he thought as he looked at her. She was just a girl, young and nervous he guessed from the look in her eyes. So many women had come over the years for this job but none of them were as young as this girl. She greeted his father with a smile and he starred at her, her long blonde braids shone like silver in the sun and her green eyes were kind.

There was something in those green eyes that held him there... it was fear, he realized.

He followed them when they went upstairs to meet him. His father entered the library and after a minute she followed him inside. He saw the surprise in his mother's eyes as she looked at the girl, she probably wasn't expecting someone so young either, or... pretty. She was pretty, he thought as he took in her appearance. He watched his mother greeting her and he waited anxiously for her to introduce her to him. His mother walked back to the armchair he was resting and spoke gentle words encouraging him to welcome his new nanny.

When his father turned the armchair towards her he saw the smile leaving her face and he felt the disappointment hitting him like a brick. She starred at him in confusion and then back at his parents until the grocery boy walked in and greeted him. They shared a look and then she turned towards him again and she finally spoke.

Hello Brahms, it's nice to meet you. I hope we can be friends, she said softly with a forced smile. Judging from her accent she was not from around here but that wasn't what caught his attention... his name on her lips made him shudder for reasons he didn't know but he wanted to hear it again. His mother led her away from the library and he wished she had stayed there a little longer. His father was starring outside the window thoughtfully.

You were good Brahms, he said finally when they were alone.

I will be good to her if she is good to me, he said. He didn't want a stranger in his house and he knew he didn't need a nanny but he could give her a chance... he enjoyed the sight of her and she was quite the sight, he had to admit. He shook his head trying to get her out of his mind, such thoughts were not allowed for him. What would his mother thought, what would his father thought? There was no point having thoughts like this, the only part of him she would meet was him.

It was always him.

He hated that porcelain monstrosity. He hated seeing his mother touching it and kissing affectionately while he stood there in the darkness, watching from a distance. And he hated it even more when the girl took him in her arms. He watched as she undressed him following his mother's instructions and put him to bed. He wished it was him in its place, feeling her soft touch, her kiss on his forehand as she pulled the covers over him and bid him goodnight. It wasn't fair but mother said it was necessary and he never questioned her. Mother always knows better.

But she had come for him, she had come to take care of him and keep him company, a little voice on the back of his head reminded him. He was torn, a few hours ago he was planning to scare her away and now he desired her company. He knew he was getting ahead of himself, the girl would not follow the rules and he would have to make her leave. The thought brought him disappointment even though he did not wished for a nanny in the first place.

That night he watched her as she slept. She looked so peaceful in her sleep as if nothing could touch her in her dreams. But he was wrong, he was terribly wrong.

He had spent the entire week watching her every move, she was quiet most of the time often getting lost in her thoughts. She followed his mother's instructions and spent her free time reading a book. He was starting to get irritated at some point, she was his company and yet his mother did not want him anywhere near her. He would scare her, she told him. He knew it was true but it hurt hearing it from his mother's lips.

He was already in a bad mood that morning and the news of his parents leaving outraged him. This time he walked out of the darkness to face his mother who refused to even look at him.

Grace will take care of you, there is nothing to worry about, she tried to reassure him. He was standing right there next to her and she was looking only at him. He wanted to scream at her, he wanted her to look at him, to acknowledge his existence for once. But she refused and he grabbed the first thing his hand touched and threw it at the mirror. She jumped in shock and for the first time she turned to look at him. There was no love or affection when she looked at him, just fear. And then she yelled at him, telling him he was bad.

Footsteps were heard in the hallway and he barely had time to hide himself behind the door as the girl busted in. She took in the scene around her and asked his mother what happened, he could hear the worry in her voice.

It was the first time he was in the same room as her without the walls separating them. She was right there, in front of him. He could reach out his hand and touch her. His feet moved at their own accord towards her, she pulled him like a magnet. His mother quickly grabbed the girl and walked out of his room. He stayed there for a long time trying to memorize her sent, her wavy hair and small stature. She had been so close he could almost taste her and then she was gone.

That night her peaceful sleep was disturbed by nightmares. She turned again and again breathing hard and gasping. He was hesitant at first but he eventually stepped out into the room. He watched her struggling in her sleep with invisible demons, tears wetting her distressed face.

Oh that beautiful face...

He approached her silently like a shadow and kneeled on the bed above her. He smelled her hair relishing the moment he was finally close to her without anything separating them but her cries made him sad. He touched her soft locks that felt like silk under his calloused fingertips. He whispered her name again and again trying to soothe her.

Grace...

It was a fitting name for her, he thought. He stayed by her side that night whispering comforting words in her ear whenever her nightmares returned. He had wanted for so many days to be by her side, to truly be by her side and now he enjoyed every second of the night with her because he knew that in the morning he could not be there....

~

When Brahms is referring to 'him' he is referring to the doll.