stigma | minsung

84

jisung sat in his room, curled up in a ball, as he felt his chest move rapidly up and down. it felt like his entire body was on fire, and the room was closing in on him. 

he knew the feeling all too well, he knew it was a panic attack. lately they weren't happening often, and he was getting used to the feeling of being happy, but now minho was gone. 

jisung laid there as he shook violently trying to understand why minho would leave him. he knew minho's parents were homophobic, and that if they found out about him and minho, they would try to put an end to it. 

what jisung did not know, nor expect, was that minho's parents would have minho choose between jisung or the family money. what he expected even less was for minho to choose the money. 

jisung felt his self worth disappear completely. there was a price now hanging over his head and minho didn't feel he could afford it. he sold jisung out to fulfill his own selfish needs and it crushed jisung. 

chan was the only other one home and heard the soft sobs escaping jisung's room. he slowly opened the boys door and ran to his bedside when he saw the disheveled state he was in. 

"jisung, what happened?" chan asked worriedly. 

jisung didn't respond, he just lifted up his phone and handed it to chan. jisung tightly shut his eyes, wishing to wake up from this as if it were a nightmare. 

"jisung... this can't be true, minho really cares about you." chan stated as he rubbed the boys back, but jisung just shook his head, completely disagreeing with chan. 

"h-he sa-said that." jisung stuttered out. 

chan couldn't stand to see jisung so broken. he picked the boy up in his arms and tried to hush his cries. 

jisung continued shaking as his breaths became even harder to take. 

"please breathe with me jisung," chan said, "in 1...2...3... out 1...2...3... again ok?" chan continued on like that, guiding jisung's breathing until it returned to a normal state. 

"i needed him tonight." jisung said with doe eyes coated in tears. 

"what do you mean?" chan questioned, not understanding jisung's words. 

jisung let out a heavy sigh as he picked up his phone once more. he pulled up a text conversation with his mother and allowed chan to read it. 

"my father is dying chan." jisung said as the tears poured out from his eyes, "i'm losing my dad and i've already lost minho... i can't do this." 

"when did your mother text you this?" chan asked.

"saturday night, and now i get this from minho. perfect timing." jisung scoffed. 

"are you going back to malaysia to see your dad?" chan questioned. 

"ye-yeah... my flight leaves friday night. i don't think i'll be coming back though..." jisung admitted. 

"not coming back? what do you mean?" chan asked with a shocked expression. 

"i don't want to be here anymore. i want to go home, stay with my dad... stay with him until the end. that's what i should have been doing all along. if i just did that, then minho never would've met me. it would've been better that way." jisung cried out, and the shrill of his voice completely shattered chan's heart. 

"i'm sorry about your father jisung... i'm so sorry all of this is happening. i can't believe minho would do something like this, i refuse to believe it actually." chan stated. 

"well he did it, i have the text message to prove it! i guess money means more to him than i do." jisung sighed as he crawled off of chan's lap and underneath his blankets.

"jisung..." chan frowned as he looked down at the boy. 

"please don't speak about it anymore chan, i need to stop thinking about him." jisung said as his bottom lip quivered. 

"okay, okay... i won't mention it."  chan agreed, "is there anything i can do for you though?"

"c-can you h-hold me?" jisung asked, and chan smiled as he crawled into bed beside jisung. 

"of course i will jisung, come here." chan opened up his arms and jisung buried himself within them. 

chan felt warm and cozy, but he wasn't what jisung wanted. chan wasn't the sense of safety and relief jisung was looking for. he wasn't the overwhelming feeling of home. 

he wasn't minho. 

a.n. 

i see, don't want to acknowledge, and streetlight were on repeat while writing this </3