🄺🄴🅅🄸🄽?!?

💔"I'm fucked up okay?"💔 (Zouis Malikson)

(Warning this will include cursing, a sad topic as in cutting. Enjoy!)

Zayn sighed slowly wrapping gauze around his wrist. "I really am fucked up aren't I?" He said outloud knowing no one was home.

Wasn't raised religious
But I wish that I was
Havin' nothin' to believe in
Has been killin' my buzz

Why was he doing this to himself he knew Lou hated it...

☆Flashback☆

Zaynie I'm home" Lou said happily walking in their room seeing the bathroom cracked open so he pushed it open to see zayn with gauze wrapped on both wrists as he rinsed the red liquid off his hands... "Baby...?" Louis whispered his voice breaking. Zayn couldn't even bare to look at the love of his life fearing the look of disappointment or the look of rage in those baby blues.

"Baby n-no w-why are you doing this to yourself?" He said slowly walking toward Zayn's broken figure, he hugged him tightly careful of his arms. "I-I-" Zayn couldn't bring himself to say anything to Lou cause the look on his face was enough to want to jump out of a window and get run over 829 times.

"Zayn look at me." He couldn't bring himself to do it "Look me in the eyes now Zayn" Louis said sternly causing the other male to flinch. Once he looked the shorter male in the eyes his voice lowered and his clenched jaw unclenched "Why are you doing this baby" Lou said looking into Zayns eyes looking for any kind of answer.

Zayn sniffled as he whispered something so quiet Lou couldn't hear "Baby I can't hear y-" "I'm fucked up okay!?" Zayn yelled anger seethed through every word.

☆Flashback over☆

Yeah, I cut my hair, close the blinds
Play Hallelujah like two dozen times
And yesterday, I tried to pray
But I didn't know what to say

What happened shouldn't have he hurt Lou even more when he yelled at him yet Lou still hadn't left him. "Can I come in now Baby?" Lou said softly on the other side of the door. Zayn sighed he wasn't going to answer instead he was going to explain. "I-I feel like a burden, I'm constantly doing something that isn't right..and I don't deserve what I have i don't deserve you o-or the job I have my voice is shit..

I'm too sad to cry, too high to get up
Don't even try 'cause I'm scared to fuck up
Don't like to talk, I just lay in my bed
Don't even try to go out with my friends
Lied to my doctor, she knew I was fakin'
Gave me some pills, but I'm too scared to take 'em
I try and I try, but I'm too sad to cry

cause I keep smoking." Zayn continued "I've been doing this for years so it kinda just got normal. You know I liked you almost a year before we got together.." Zayn said softly remembering the day he realized he had a crush on the small fellow. "Why didn't you ask me out t-" "Cause I was scared I'd fuck it all up I mean I fucked myself up pretty bad too.."

Can't tell my Mamma
It makes her worry
I'm not suicidal
Sometimes, the lines get all blurry

"Your voice isn't shit baby" Lou said softly as he slowly walked into the room pulling Zayn into him to hug it out. "Would you like to cry or something dear?" Lou whispered into Zayn" "I'm to sad to cry Lou" he whispered back.. "What if we go to that spot that we found and you can scream it out?"

Yeah, I cut my hair, close the blinds
Played Hallelujah like two dozen times
And yesterday, I tried to pray
But I didn't know what to say

"That might actually work. But I don't know how long I'll go for or how loud and I don't want to-" Zayn started but stopped when the shorter males lips lifted onto his own. "It'll be okay Zayn" the shorter man said gently pulling him along to go outside to their little spot

I'm too sad to cry, too high to get up
Don't even try 'cause I'm scared to fuck up
Don't like to talk, I just lay in my bed
Don't even try to go out with my friends
I lied to my doctor, she knew I was fakin'
Gave me some pills, but I'm too scared to take 'em
I try and I try, but I'm too sad to cry

"Go ahead scream it out baby" Lou whispered into Zayn's ear stepping back ready to hear his lovers pained screams. Zayn got ready, he started off quiet but eventually let everything out it was horrible but if this is what he needed then Lou needed to be with him every step of the way..

I'm too sad to cry, too high to get up
Don't even try 'cause I'm scared to fuck up
Don't like to talk, I just stay in my bed
Don't even try to go out with my friends
Lied to my doctor, she knew I was fakin'
Gave me some pills, but I'm too scared to take 'em
I try and I try, but I'm too sad to cry

After that Zayn was open about his problems and soon the scabs turned into scars which slowly blended away with time...

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I hope you enjoyed! I love this one ❤