Six Degrees Of Separation [HERS]

Fourth

Time heals all wounds, they say. And yes, I believe them. But time cannot cover up the scars. It cannot erase history. Nevertheless, alam kong walang patutunguhan ang buhay ko kung iiyak lang ako sa isang tabi. He's already moved on and it would be unfair for me if after all this, he's the only one who will be happy. I wanted to be happy too. I wanted to heal.

I decided that it would be best if I move on on my own. Wala nang panakip-butas. Ayaw ko na ring makasakit para ako naman ang gumaling. I tried therapy and counselling... for real this time. Tinigilan ko ang alak, sigarilyo at suicide. I rehabilitated myself by isolating myself from the things that remind me of him. Nagpakalayo-layo ako from my past.

I busied myself with other things and found other things to love in life. I got hooked up with photography. Lahat ng panahon, pera at oras ko, inilaan ko sa seminars and conventions. I know I was far from healed but I'm getting there.

Trying to forget him doesn't work so I allowed myself to think of him from time to time. Nasasaktan ako sa tuwing sumasagi sya sa isip ko pero iniinda ko na lang. After a while, the pain would be gone. It comes back but it disappears again. Hindi tulad ng dati na lahat na lang ng bagay iniiyakan ko. Now, I was actually able to breathe better. Pakiramdam ko, unti-unti nang nabunot ang tinik na ibinaon nya sa puso ko.

Hindi ako masaya. That's the only thing that I can admit honestly. Ngumingiti man ako, may kasama namang pait. Lalo na kapag kinukunan ko ng litrato ang mga taong magkahawak ng kamay o magkayakap. Naaalala ko kami. Naaalala ko yung good memories.

Yun ang lalong masakit e. Sa dinami-dami ng masasamang alaala tungkol sa kanya na pwede kong maalala, yung mga masasaya yung pumapasok sa isip ko. The way he used to brush my hair... The way he used to hug me tight. The way he used to look at me like I'm the only girl he sees. Sa una, kikiligin ako tapos maiiyak. Kase alam kong hindi na mangyayari lahat ng yun.

But I endured.

After 2 years, 2 months, 3 weeks and 4 days after he left me... I can honestly say na wala na akong nararamdaman para sa kanya. I was so happy that after all those years, hindi na ako napapalingon sa tuwing may nagme-mention ng pangalan nya. Hindi na ako naiiyak sa tuwing makikita ko yung pictures nya online. I was happy... because finally... I have moved on.