All of Me

Five

I want y'all to know that finals nearly took me out last semester, but I came out on top with all A's. After that, I had to rest and take some time to get my mind together.😂

Now, I'm finally back on campus and about to tackle another semester. Shoutout to all the students reading! Wear your masks and wash your hands!!

I hope you all enjoy this chapter.

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Kaine

"So, tell me how you're doing today."

"I'm aight. Me and my sister celebrated our birthday with family last week and I really enjoyed that."

"You used the word "alright", not "good" or "great". From that I feel that you may be feeling more than what you shared. Is that true?"

"It is..." Kaine relaxed more into the couch and deeply inhaled before breathing out and continuing on with his statement. "You know why I came back here— I felt myself slipping after an old flame popped up on me at work. I been doing the mindfulness stuff, and that's been keeping me afloat, but I don't wanna just survive. I know I'm only twenty-one, but I really wanna move on so I can eventually love somebody again."

"Chloe— you remember her," Kaine inquired and when his therapist nodded he continued "she wants to be with me, been wanting to be with me. She's loving, smart, goal oriented, with a good heart... And I want to be with her too but a part of me wants to keep blowing her off."

After admitting that to his therapist, Kaine felt the slightest bit of weight lifted off of his shoulders. It was something about those four walls that brought the truth out of him, but Kaine knew he'd have to get to a point of being honest with himself without a bi-weekly trip to therapy. Stagnation and pacification weren't option for him.

"Thank you for sharing that, Kaine. Have you heard of solution-focused therapy?"

"I've heard of it in passing. My twin is a psych major and be tryna practice on everybody in the house."

"Ahhh gotcha. So in your first session back you expressed that you are desiring to work through the hurt caused by your daughter's mother. You also shared with me that what causes you most pain is knowing that your daughter will not have both parents in the home together. You're fearful of how this will affect her."

"Right."

"Right now I want to explore if there have been any exceptions to this fear in your own life, as you and your daughter's experiences are very similar. Is that okay?"

"Sure, go ahead."

"Reflecting on your youth with not having your parents together in the same home for most of your life, can you recall moments in which your parents separation did not negatively affect you?"

"Regardless of them going back and forth with their stuff, there has never been a time where they weren't together, in the front row for me and my siblings. And really, I have never had a moment of wondering "do my mom and pops love me," Kaine reflected aloud. Hearing himself say those words, his eyes furrowed in some realization.

Nodding, Kaine's therapist allowed a comfortable silence to linger for a few seconds to ensure that her speaking wouldn't disrupt his thinking. "So you have never been at a point of questioning your parents' love or support for you?"

"No, never. Just hurt and wondering how things could have been different for me and my siblings."

"Hm," the therapist nodded, allowing yet another silence to consume the room so that Kaine could consider if he wanted to say more or not.