In Another Life

Chapter 13: Clearing the Air

"No, it's not silly," Feitan reassures you.

You two sit in silence for a few moments. You can't tell if Feitan's gotten the hint yet as to how you feel towards him, so you wait for him to speak first.

"You..." he continues, "you care about me?"

The question had you a bit flustered, "oh, um- yeah. Yes, I do." Of course I do, how can I not? You're always there for me, ever since I met you.

Feitan's mind was flooded with thoughts. Your confession had him as confused as ever. Y/N does care about me. Does that mean ... they like me? Do those things even relate? If he was being honest, Feitan was getting kind of annoyed at all these emotions. He's never struggled with anything like this, he lived his entire life drowning out any feelings that tried to come to light. It was just easiest to do so considering the brutality of his occupation. However, all that changed after you came along. This time he actually had to confront whatever emotions he was experiencing.

"Do you like me?" He asked bluntly. Maybe that sounded a bit too harsh, he thought to himself.

You froze in place. I didn't expect him to be so confrontational about it, what am I supposed to say?

"Uh. I- Um.... I think I do. I don't know. I mean- You've been so kind to me and I know that people don't see the soft side of you, but I do, and I enjoy spending time with you. You're just always there for me and... and I don't know." You ramble out.

Both of you were panicking at this point. You because you just admitted your true feelings to a member of the Phantom Troupe, and him because he was still trying to learn how to handle such intense emotions.

Feitan wanted to respond, he really did. He wanted to talk about how he felt the same. How he couldn't stop worrying about your wellbeing. How he wants nothing more than to see your smile again, the warmth it brings him despite the never ending cold feeling in his heart.

But he couldn't.

He needed some time. Time to himself. He had to allow himself to love in order to be loved. Feitan believed that you should have everything in the world, and he was afraid that he would not be able to provide the affection that you deserve . It was nothing personal against you, it was just his own internal conflicts holding him back. He wishes he could explain all this to you, but everything just seemed too much at the moment with you in front of him. He needed to get away.

Without a word, Feitan left the hideout, leaving you dumbfounded.

Your mind didn't process what just happened until after several minutes of Feitan's departure.

Did I just... get rejected? I mean, I don't think that even counts as a rejection. He didn't even say "no" explicitly. The hurt started to kick in. The fact that you let yourself be so vulnerable, and he just threw it all back in your face by leaving without a word.

Everyone had woken up at this point, chatting with each other about this so called "chain user." Slowly, your sadness started to turn into anger. He could have just said no if he didn't like me. He didn't have to leave. Am I not even worthy of a response? Who does he think he is?

After a couple of hours Feitan still has not returned and your anger has bordered disappointment. If I really disgust him that much, then he shouldn't have comforted me in the first place. You swore to yourself that you wouldn't let him off the hook for this, and that you were done with his games. If he wants to just leave an important moment like that, then let it be. You were simply going to ignore him from now on.