Philip: Ava, why are we here? Where's everyone else?
Me: Nobody except you guys and your plus ones, aka parents or best friends. You're here because y'all need therapy.
Theo Jr.: What?!
Me: This is t h e r a p y. You get to rant about your problems.
Hamilton: REALLY?!
*Pulls list out*
Me: What is this? 100 things I hate about Jefferson?
Jefferson: I'll do you one better.
*Pulls out book*
Me: 1 000 000 000 reasons I hate Alexander Hamilton?
Jefferson: Yep. Number 1: His hair. What is with the gel? Number 2-
Me: GUYS! This is for Theo, Philip, and James.
James: Why me?
Me: Really James? Anyways, let's start. What's your problem Theo?
Theo Jr.: Philip is a cheater.
Philip: We weren't even dating!
Theo Jr.: You wanted to!
Philip: That's different!
Me: Seems like some misunderstanding. Theo, I think that you need to stop holding Philip against that one situation, and Philip, you gotta realize that unless Theo specifies it's an open relationship, it's not. Relationships are usually about being devoted to each other.
Philip: Oh. I'm sorry.
Theo Jr.: I guess I am too.
Me: Good. Now, Theo, Philip, please leave the room.
JAMES!
James: What.
Me: Your turn!
James: For what.
Me: THERAPY!
James: No.
Me: James, time to talk about your problems.
James: I have no problems.
Me: James, I-
James: I have NO problems. Okay? Leave me alone.
Me: Fine. I'm just tryna help.
James: I don't want your help okay?!
Me: I'm sorry.
James: I just- I feel sad. All the time. I have no reason to live-
Jefferson: WHAT ABOUT ME?!
Everyone in the room: SHUT UP THOMAS!
Jefferson: nO sWeARiNG!
James: I don't know what my reason is to live. I'm upset all the time, and I cry myself to sleep. I hate feeling like this. It's not fair.
Me: James, I'm no doctor but it sounds like you might have depression.
James: What?
Me: Depression is a mood disorder that causes a persistent feeling of sadness and loss of interest. Also called major depressive disorder or clinical depression. It affects how you feel, think and behave and can lead to a variety of emotional and physical problems.
James: Oh.
Me: Do you want me to send you to see a real life, certified therapist?
James: Will they help me?
Me: I think so.
James: Then yes please.
Me: Okay. Therapy is now over.
*We all walk into the living room*
Philip: AHHHHHHHHHHHHH
John: NO NO NO NO NO NO NO.
Maria: Why.
Peggy: That was DISTURBING.
Me: What?
Mulligan: They watched mind over matter.
John: HERC YOU SNITCH.
Me: WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?!
Philip: Cause we're adults. We don't have to listen to you.
Me: Wow. Real mature.
John: It's true though.
Me: Okay then. Anyways. I had a GREAT idea for next week.
Angelica: What?
Me: A TALENT SHOW!!!!
Eliza: Ooh! Sounds fun!
Me: I'll need judges!
James: I'll do it!
Washington: Me too!
Me: Great! James, Washington and I will be judges.
Lafayette: Be prepared to be wowed.
Me: So go rehearse, and I'll see you next time on...
Everyone: HAMILTON REACTS!
YOU ARE READING
Hamilton Reacts
FanfictionJoin us in an adventure, where I show the characters of hamilton some modern day things *Cover is by the amazing @Eve_Ross_Artist! Go follow her and make sure to read her books!*
