Second Chance

Chapter 18

I could try to smile to hide the truth
but I know I was happier with you

——————————————————————————
"What are you doing here ?"
It's Songhwa's last weekend in Sokcho before she goes back to work at Seoul, and here's her bestfriend Kim Junwan shows up in front of her apartment.

"I thought you may need some help to pack your stuff"
He walks inside to her apartment right away. He decided to see Songhwa before she comeback to Seoul in the intention to check on her after Ikjun told the gang that they've broke up. Junwan didn't dare to call Songhwa as he knew she might need time and space, but he's still want to check on her and make sure that she's okay.

"I don't have many stuff here, beside that i've already rent the apartment for a year. So i'm not in a rush to moving out, i might comeback here on the weekend sometimes for refreshing"
Songhwa follows him to the living room as Junwan sit on the couch looking for a few box that contains some books. He looks up to Songhwa as he tries to see if she looks different. She's not.
"Why ?"
"What ?"
"Why you're coming here ?" Songhwa smiles as she knows already what is Junwan's intention to visit her today.
"Aanii, i told you i wanna help you packing your stuff."
Songhwa smiles as she walks to the kitchen to get him a coffee. They're talks casually while Songhwa still pouring a coffee, when suddenly Junwan asked her question that she didn't know the answer.
"Neo gwaenchana ?"
She stands still in the kitchen take a moment in silent thinking about his question. She didn't know if these past weeks she's really okay or she's just ignoring her feelings. She took a deep breath and turn around to walks back to the living room with two cups of coffee on her hands.
"Why ? Do i look not okay ?
"Aanii, you look fine and that's what makes me more worried" Songhwa startled as she hears. She gave him a coffee and takes a sip to her own, not trying to respond Junwan.
"Did Ikjun come again after you guys broke up ?"
"Hmmm.. aanii" she shakes her head and still focus on her cup try to avoid Junwan's gaze.

Junwan take a deep breath, knowing Ikjun didn't really fight for her again after their break up.
"What's wrong with him ?"
"Why ?"
"I mean, why he didn't come here ?"
"I told him we'll see each other in Seoul, so nothing's wrong with him"
"But..."
"Yaaa, gwaenchana. I'm fine Junwan-ah"
Junwan glances longer than before as that words finally comes out from her. She's fine, or at least she's trying to. But he can see her saying that just to ignores her feelings, to not feel the sadness from their break up. Everytime she broke up with her boyfriends, she could always tell him how she felt and there's no way she avoids eye contact with him and he knew she was okay. But now, she didn't even try to look at him.

Songhwa puts her coffee on the table and leans her body to the couch.
"It's better for us, i think" as Junwan takes a look at Songhwa, listens to her.
"I feel like i'm gonna loose him, you know ?" She smiled sadly while pursed her lips, feels the pain that she thought was gone.
Junwan hates himself that time when Songhwa told the gang about her biopsy, he knew she's not okay yet she tried to be okay and he seems can't help her. And here she is again, trying to be ok. Slowly he grasped her hands looking at her, and this time she glances at him, smiling without saying any words, yet she gripped his hands tightly like collecting energy from him to be strong.

Junwan doesn't want to let Songhwa sad by asking her again, so he starts to help her packing some boxes.
"Songhwa-ya, i didn't bring my car, i'll comeback to Seoul with you today"
"Oooh, arraseo"
They're almost finish packing when the sunset appears and Junwan walks to the balcony to see the ocean.
"It's good you're still rent this until end of the year, maybe we all can visit here sometimes later" Songhwa looks up to Junwan and nods as agree to what he said. Junwan looks around and someting catch his attention.
"Songhwa-ya, how are you gonna move this ? I thought you don't have balcony in your apartment in Seoul" Songhwa walks to Junwan and realize the thing he asked was the wooden swing chair Ikjun built for her. She realizes this thing is too big to be hidden. Her memory is running again when Ikjun said they'll put the chair in their house someday. A little dream that she didn't know she would want that to become real, now seems turned into the dust. She feels bitter to think that she's the one who wants them being just friends when in reality her heart aches more than she knows.