Second Chance

Chapter 9

I was ready before,
but now, i'm not sure
How did we end up like this ?

Sokcho, 14 Feb'20

Songhwa just finish craniotomy when she saw a miscall on her phone from unknown number. She thought it's maybe not something important since that number didn't call again after that. She just finish cleaning herself and as it's already 4.00 pm she wants to take a walk on the beach before she going back to her apartment. Just when she's about to head out she heard someone call her
"Chae Song Hwa ?"
As she turns her head around, she looks surprised
"Oh.. Hwang Sik Mok - sunbaenim ?"
"Songhwa-ya, long time no see"
"Oh sunbae, oraenmanieyo"
"I thought i saw you earlier, but i'm not sure if it's you so i try to call you before but you didn't answer and i asked the nurse over there, it's true the woman i saw before is Prof Chae Song Hwa"
"Aaahh.. So you wait here ?"
"Hmmm" Simok nodded and smile.
"On what occasion you're here ?"
"I live in Wonju now, i come here on the weekend for refreshing. I didn't know that you worked here"
"Hmmm ya, i just started to work here this year"
"Do you have a plan ? If no how about dinner ?"
Songhwa chuckles and nodded as they walk out from the hospital.

Songhwa didn't expected to see Simok after years. The last time they met was on her first year of her residency when Simok came to Yulje because he just met her brother on one occasion so he might want to catch up with her.

Songhwa remember Simok as being her first boyfriend. Yes, Songhwa never dated before in high school. So when she came to SNU she's not different with any other girl who want to falling in love with someone and start dating. She did falling in love with someone, so hard, but she never thought that she end up dating another man.

That was Hwang Si Mok sunbaenim. They were close since Songhwa joined the English Cafe. He confessed to Songhwa before Christmas hoping that they could celebrate Christmas or New Year's Eve together. Songhwa remember she hasn't give an answer yet, but Simok show up when the class was over with a bucket of flowers on his hand asking her to have a date with him on New Year's Eve. She smiled receiving all of those sweet acts from him.

She just heartbroken almost eight months ago. She didn't expect those heartbreak will heal anytime soon. But she knew she should move on. She should took care of herself. And she thought maybe, if she said yes, this heartbreak feelings will gone soon. That she could be happy again.

"Yes, sunbae"
"Yes to celebrate New Year's Eve together ?"
"Anii... let's celebrate everyday together now"
Simok startled, he can't believe what he heard before so he asked her again, indeed she nodded and gives him a beautiful smile.
"I'm hungry sunbae, should we have lunch now ?"
Simok took her hand and while holding her hands he smiled widely to Songhwa "what should we have for lunch ?"
"Hmmm, jjajangmyeon ?"
"Arraseo"
They were walking while holding hands together. That was the first time for Songhwa letting a man holding her hands. That was the first time for her received a bucket of flower. She thought that once she open her heart again, she could move on from her last heartbreak.

That was her thought when she was 20 years old. Now she's almost 40 years old, the thought about that seems silly to her. After all she's been through during her days on college, that was one of many good moment to remember.

Now after many years they meet again, far from Seoul, nothings much different from their appearance, Songhwa agrees to have dinner together with Simok may open another untold story.

Once they arrived at a small restaurant near beach, they didn't realize the restaurant was almost full. But they still manage to get a seat.
"Sunbae, this  jjajangmyeon here is very good, but i didn't realize it's so famous and the seat almost full today"
"It's okay, that's why i should try this now"

The owner of the restaurant come to them and asks if they want to order special menu today
"There's special menu ?"
"Yes, it's only for today, because it's Valentine Day"
Songhwa and Simok surprised, that's why a lot of couples come here today to celebrate Valentine Day. They're looking at each other and can't help to burst their laughter. At the end they order the original menu and enjoy their dinner while sharing a life update to each other.

Songhwa enjoy her day today. Songhwa thinks she needs this, she need to talk to someone else outside work also not related with Yulje squad either. As a distraction from what's going through in her mind for the last two months. Especially the feelings she went through two days ago.

———————————————————————————
(Flashback)

It's only been a week for Songhwa to stay in Seoul, but she feels a lot of things happened during her visit.

She didn't expect to see Lee Yuna, she didn't expect her best friends knowing about Ahn Chihong. And the last, she didn't expect Lee Ikjun would give up on her.

"If you want to say no, then you can say no. It's not like i couldn't take 'No' for an answer"

"I haven't say anything, why do you assume that ?"
"I didn't assume anything, i'm just telling you that you have a choice"
"for saying yes or no to your question last year ?"
"for us being together or not"
"It's not that simple Ikjun-ah"

"I don't wanna say 'No'"
Ikjun startled hearing those words from Songhwa
"But i can't say 'Yes' either...at least for now"
"I don't wanna push you either"

"I need more time Ikjun-ah..."
"I know. But i don't want you to think about this for too long. I know i said i'll be more regret to not telling you than being awkward with you. But no, it's almost two months and i don't like seeing you being uncomfortable with me because of this"

Ikjun saw her being on silent. He didn't want to burden Songhwa more about all those feelings. As he told her that she could take her time as long as she needs. He told her that nothing will change from him whatever is Songhwa's answer. He's still Lee Ikjun she knew. Just like his promise to himself that whatever happened, he'll make sure that Songhwa never leave the "band", that she will stay on his inner circle. That he will cherished her whatever status they have.

"If you want me to let this go... if you want me to forget about my feelings for you, just so you can go back to Seoul and not being awkward with me... then i'm fine with that"

Songhwa lost her words, she couldn't say anything. She feels like she wants to cry. But she knew she couldn't. She doesn't want Ikjun feel guilty about what everything happened between them, but she can't help that what Ikjun said was true. She hates their situation now. They might look okay and nothing's different in front of their friends, but everytime when only the two of them together Songhwa can't help but feeling uneasy. She didn't know how to acts around Ikjun. She cannot looking at Ikjun's eyes too long when they have conversation. She felt like she's not herself in front of him. She hates to think that whatever she said could be interpreted different to Ikjun. She hates that she start overthinking about Ikjun and everythings about them since Ikjun came to Sokcho that day.

But more than that, she hates the thought of Ikjun gave up on her. That he came to Sokcho and told her that he likes his old friend, and now he said it's okay to let this go.

How can he's okay with that ?
How can she's okay with that ?

How did we end up like this, Ikjun-ah ?