Unfamiliar Feelings - An Emblem3 Fan Fiction

Chapter 17 ~ Hearts Shattered

Riley POV

Oh God don't look at him. He looks so...broken. I'm barely holding it together. This is the hardest thing I think I've ever had to do. That day at the cemetery was nothing compared to this. Alright no, pull it together. You're doing this BECAUSE you love him. He's better off without you. "I just think it's for the best," I squeak out. His eyes narrow and his jaw drops open, "HOW? I love you...we love each other...how can this possibly be for the best?" His voice starts to break. Oh God please don't cry. I just wanna hug him and tell him that I'm sorry. I'll just try to rationalize with him. "Look Wes...you guys have all of your shows and your music and stuff and I would just be getting in the way," I whisper. He groans, "How many times do I have to tell you that you're not getting in the way?! When we were in New York and those guys were telling us all about the shows and the albums and the interviews...all I could think about was how I wanted you there with me!" I melt again inside. "But Wes that's the problem...how are you gonna fully commit to music if you're worried about me?" I try again. Wes pauses for a second, "I can do both."

Okay no...he's not getting it. I have to try a different approach. "But what if I don't want to just tag along with you guys..." I lie, still unable to look at him. I hear Wes gasp and he puts his head in his hands. "B-but you said you'd love to come with us...that you had nothing to stick around here for," he squeaks out, clearly hurt. Ugh. I have no choice. "I...I changed my mind. I wanna try and get a degree or something...I can't work dead-end jobs forever." He looks at me with wide eyes, "You could stay here and do that...we don't have to break up..." I frown at him, "But we would hardly see each other..." "I don't care! I just wanna be with you...I'll take a lighter tour load," he responds. "No! Wes don't you see that's the problem! You can't compromise your career for me!" "I sure as hell am not gonna compromise our relationship for my career!" he yells back. Oh yes you are. Alright deep breath Riley. There is only one other way to do this...I have to be cruel.

"Look Wes maybe that's just not enough for me okay? I don't want a long-distance relationship." I snap at him. Wes reacts like I just punched him in the face. "I don't want to lose you...just tell me what you want..." he responds almost desperately. Inside, I am dying. I want you to be happy Wes. I want your dream to come true without having to worry about me. "I want you to let me go..." I whisper to the floor. I hear him inhale sharply, "Riley...I don't think I can. Is there something you're not telling me? Did I do something?" I blink back tears. I suddenly realize the only way out of this, I have to hit below the belt. "I just...I can't depend on you." I mumble, knowing that this will crush him. He stares at me in shock, not knowing what to say. I have to keep going. I want him to hate me. "I mean you go to New York and leave me here and I get shot! What's gonna happen to me if you're on tour for months at a time?" I hate myself right now. I know he blames himself for the shooting and I'm taking advantage of that. I have to though. It's the only way. Wes starts to cry, "I know. I should've been here. I'm so sorry-" "Well sorry doesn't change it Wes!" I interrupt. He gives me a pleading look...he has no idea what to say. I have to do this now. "I...I can't love someone who can't protect me," I mumble as I grab my clothes and bolt out of his room. I run down to the U-Haul and climb in next to the workers, "Please just drive," I say as the flood of tears begins. He's free now. I did the right thing. It doesn't feel like it though.

Wes POV

I collapse onto my bed in shock. What the hell just happened? Everything was fine...wasn't it? I knew she blamed me for her getting shot. She should! It was my fault! Was it true though? That I couldn't protect her? I thought I kept the nightmares away...I thought I was helping her. If this is really what she wants...how can I argue with her? I can't be selfish with her. There has to be something I can do...I don't think I can do all of this without her. My entire chest starts to tighten up and it all starts to sink in. She's really gone. I don't even know where she is moving to...is that gonna be the last time I see her?! Horror starts to wash over my face when I notice something on my nightstand. I wipe the tears from my eyes and get a closer look. It's the Shrek toy.

I jump up and sprint downstairs, nearly knocking Keaton over. I catch a glimpse of the U-Haul just as it turns down a side street. I grab my phone to dial her number and it goes straight to voicemail. FUCK. There was so much that I didn't get to say...so much that I don't understand. This can't be the end of us...I seriously saw us being together forever. I feel a hand on the back of my shoulder and turn to see Keaton standing there with sympathetic eyes. "You okay?" he whispers quietly. I shake my head and start crying again. "C'mon dude," he says gently as he tugs me into a hug. I sob into Keaton's shoulder as he tells me that it's okay. "It's not okay...she's gone!" I yell. I pull away and look at Keaton. He's totally lost. He nods toward the house and I follow him inside.

I sit on the couch in the living room, completely numb. Drew and Keaton are sitting opposite me on the other couch, clearly uncomfortable and not sure what to do. "Do you wanna be alone dude...?" Drew says finally. There is that word. Alone. I was alone. She was alone. "No...that's the last thing I want right now," I whisper. "So...what happened?" Keaton asks gently. I wish I could tell you Keaton because I'm still not sure what the fuck just happened. "She broke up with me..." I mumble. Both of their jaws drop open. "Why?" Keaton asks immediately. I shrug and ponder over the myriad of reasons she gave. "I don't know...nothing she said made any sense." "Well what did she say?" Drew asks. Jesus guys cool it with the Inquisition...I really don't wanna relive it. Oh hell, maybe they can make sense of it. I sigh, "she said I needed to focus on music and she couldn't get in the way." They both look down. "You think she's right don't you?" I say angrily. Drew shrugs, "No dude...it's just you know how hard it is to do both...maybe in a weird way she was trying to help."

I roll my eyes at him. "Yeah maybe...then she said she couldn't love someone who couldn't protect her and blamed me for her getting shot," I say, feeling the lump in my throat rise again. Drew gasps and Keaton grimaces. "That's fucked up dude," Drew whispers. "Are you sure that's what she said? That doesn't sound like Riley..." Keaton mumbles. "No Keaton I fucking made it up because it sounds cool!" I snap at him. He looks away and bites his lip. "I'm sorry dude...I'm just still so fucking confused," I say to Keaton as my voice cracks. "Wes, dude, you saved her life...that shooting was NOT your fault...there is no way she meant that," Drew says encouragingly. "I don't know dude...it sure as hell seemed like she meant it..." I murmur sadly. "Maybe just give her a couple days and then call her...I'm sure there is a better explanation!" Keaton says, still refusing to believe this is happening. "In the meantime, let's go!" Drew says as he gets up off the couch. "Where are we going?" "We're going to get you drunk and get your mind off this!"

Riley POV

I can't stop crying. I haven't even had the strength to put sheets on my bed. As soon as the movers left, I collapsed onto the couch and I haven't moved since. I can't get the image of Wes's face out of my mind. He was so hurt...and I did that. I sat there and lied through my teeth and he believed me! I wanted him to believe me but I didn't wanna crush him like that. God why does this hurt so bad?! I had to do this! If he knew the truth, he'd give up music for me. I can't let him do that...I can't ruin his life. He's gonna be fine. He's gonna travel the world with his best friends, meet tons of people from all over, and show the world what he can do. He doesn't need me. I did this for him. He doesn't need to be around for the disaster that is my life. I just need to keep telling myself that...maybe eventually I'll even believe it.

I check my phone: 4 missed calls from Wes. He's gonna make this difficult. I can't bring myself to listen to the voicemails...hearing his voice would put me over the edge. Just then, my phone rings again. It's not Wes...it's Dr. Jackson. "Hello? I'm feeling okay...that tea you recommended is really helping with the nausea. I'm starting a new job next week so hopefully my energy level stays up. Yes I know my boss knows I can only work 3-4 days a week and he said I can stay home if I'm having a bad day. I have to work...I have no other way to pay for this. Nothing else is really new...I'm still getting a lot of nosebleeds but you said that is really common with this. I'll see you next week for my follow up. Thanks Dr. Jackson." I hang up and grab a blanket out of one of the boxes. I smile when I notice that Wes's zip up hoodie is in the same box. 'Nah. It looks better on you.' I smile at the memory of that first night at my place. I put on the hoodie and almost start crying again because it smells just like him. It was comforting though. It was almost like I wasn't sleeping alone. I curl up on the couch with the blanket and inhale Wes's scent again. This time, I can't stop the tears. I was going to have to get used to sleeping alone.

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Alright I know you all hate me right now. I kind of hate me too. Just give it time. I know the breakup was brutal. I cried writing it. Stay strong everyone. I won't disappoint you...I promise.