BROKEN

11. BROKEN

'The way you lay your bed, is the way you will lie on it eventually'

LAUREN POV

The house and it atmosphere is tensed, intimidating and extremely quiet to consider suitable for a living being to breed in.

The loneliness hovers so prominent in the air stinging my senses to the reality of what I have done in the verge of anger.

Somehow, the quietness should have been a welcoming gesture as I have always long for it but now it feels strange and different, this time I dreaded it hoping for it end.

Saturday morning that normally have me lodging around with Nick attempting to prepare my favorite breakfast and not to forget the loud nagging of Nick about me not helping out in the house chores. Now, it all ball down to just me, I'm far from the word 'happy', this is the first Saturday in five years Nick has spent away from home.

I have tour round the house searching for what to serve me as a distraction and found none. Becky had clean the whole house before leaving for her off yesterday evening which means I have nothing tangible to do other than eat and watch boring programmes on television.

My smile broaden as I stop in front of the large portrait of Nick and I in our wedding outfits hanging above the television station, those were the beautiful memories we both cherish and the one time we were truly happy. I ran my fingers through the portrait welcoming the familiar feelings that huge me tightly. I will admit, I do miss Nick's presence around the house.

A perfect life with a man of my dream is what I crave for, I use to think Nick was that man but it turns out I was quite blinded by the fact I needed love and settle for whatever affection anyone showered on me, I regret that now.

It has been six days, ten hours and forty five minutes since Nick's left, well since I throw him out actually, I keep track of it all. He hasn't seen it fit to call or try to reach me. I was hoping he would be running around asking people to talk to me like he always do but it turns out he has accepted living without me. I don't know why I feel sick thinking about it.

Could he eventually stop loving me and finally decides to go for Nora? That witch. Well it's what I wanted all along but now I'm not sure I want him to end up with another lady, especially not that witch. As much as I don't feel drawn to Nick anymore, I still don't fancy him being with another woman; I will die if that happen.

The mere thought of him cuddle up in another woman's arms send piercing pains down my reins.

I barely have a good night rest as I somehow have the feeling that someone might crawl up in the middle of the night and strangle or robbed me, this little experience makes me remember my mother, who always likes to ring it in my ear that there is no sleep for the wicked whenever I do something wrong. How I miss her. I know my actions must have prostrate me as heartless and without human feelings, and frankly, I don't care what people say so long as they are not the one feeding me.

In all honesty, I do try to tolerate Nick's nagging attitude but sometimes everything just blow up on my face and I can't hold it in. I'm in a total confuse state of mind right now.

I heave and pulp myself into the rocking chair beside the mini bookshelf.

The thoughts of Hillary rush down my memory, I might have taken things a bit too far with Hillary, the only good thing I'm grateful for is the fact that we haven't had sex, just some inresistable make out moments which would have turn into a regrettable phases of my life if Hillary didn't stops things in the heat of our desire.