Lil Peep~Drugz (song above)
...
For the past few weeks, I've been skipping my dosages on purpose. After the deal, I've decided to completely change into the monster hybrid I am. If he can withstand this then I'd be willing to accept him as my friend. I've barely been coping without my dosages that it's gotten to the point where I've been getting fucked up on blow. And to make matters worse I've got drank too.
I'm so screwed up right now but you wanna know what the funny part about all this shit is? Ion even give a fuck. All I remember was last night I fell asleep and then I snuck out this morning through the window. I had wanted to go for a walk but I ended up going to my special spot instead.
I would then get fucked up and I'm currently smoking a spliff. I mean how much more pathetic can I be?
This is the only way to numb the pain. Hell, I better get home before pa wakes up. He gonna be pissed if he knew but honestly I could care less. It's not like he can judge me.
It's not like I'm the one getting high on weed or blow 24/7 and drinking alcohol or beating the shit outta his kid. I mentally rolled my eyes as I got up to head home.
...
When I walked inside the house I immediately heard arguing coming from the kitchen. This wasn't normal because no one ever comes over. I'm guessing my curiosity made me walk quietly towards the kitchen and let me tell you, I wish I hadn't. This would be because my old fucked up memories came out to play the moment my eyes met my sister. I just stared at her. I felt so empty to the point where I could kill her if I wanted to and I wouldn't care, but of course, I knew I'd regret that as soon as the emptiness went away. So instead I spoke first.
"What the hell are you doing here?" I stared that empty cold stare as if my voice wasn't already ice.
"Vic-victor? You've grown." She gulped. She was a nervous wreck. Good. "I can't say you have. Your mentality is still the same as a kid." I sighed. "Mariana, what the fuck do you want?"
It would be a long moment of silence. Nobody responded, pa lit up a blunt, Mariana looked down, and I was just staring at them both waiting for a response. My patience was growing thin, so I pulled Mariana's chin up, forcing her to look up at me. She sighs.
"I came to take you with me." I burst out laughing as I removed my grip harshly. My face would then turn serious and stare at her as I did before, "Bullshit."
I would then walk out of the house even after I heard my sister calling out after me as she followed me. Jokes on her, I'm not gonna listen. I can't blame her for not coming back to get me out, but the fact that she comes when I'm already a junior in high school...there's no point. I already got fucked up in the head. She didn't. I had barely lit up a spliff as I exhaled the smoke. "Victor, put that out." She paused, "So let me guess, you do drugs now too?"
"No, this is just another bad habit that I turned back to recently," I paused to take another hit, "What do you want."
"Come live with me and Fernando." I laughed
"Don't wanna." I guess she stayed with him after all. I thought.
"You won't?" She looks up at me. Those once big beautiful brown eyes used to be able to make me give in, but now those eyes make my blood run cold.
"No. Leave." And with that I put out my spliff, turning back towards the house.
"I came back!" She shouted out. I paused and without turning back, I would say my last words to my sister.
"I understood why you never came back for me and I never once blamed you. But you coming here was a mistake today," I sighed, "I'm not mad at you and I just want you to know that I lost my sanity a long time ago. I'm doing you a favor by telling you to get the hell outta here before I loose my shit."
"I've been skipping my dosages of pain for a few weeks. I'm not stable. That's why I was on blow, drank, and had a few spliffs today."
And with that she left. Goodbye hermana.
