𝔸𝕟𝕟𝕚𝕙𝕚𝕝𝕒𝕥𝕖

Chapter 1: Another Day

*Mild abuse and a lot of disturbing thoughts*
...

"Morning Mental Mindset" would be the first words my eyes would come in contact with every morning. It was the title I had set for my alarm. I named it this because I am mentally ill. My head is completely twisted and only I  have myself to blame. My ways of living are my ways that no one except for myself is responsible for.

I am my own parent.

Every morning I wake up at exactly 4:00 am no matter how weak I am from the previous night's beating.
I do my normal routine which consists of waiting for pa to unlock my door so I can wash up and get dressed.

I am not aloud to eat breakfast. This wouldn't even matter much because I could go almost a week without food in my system. As soon as I would walk out the door I knew better than to go anywhere else but school. If I didn't go to school I'd be completely fucked.

It was either school or suicide and of course, I'm going to pick school because I don't want to die, right? Aha, you thought wrong because I'm not going to school today.

Fun fact: I loved the feeling of my body being brutally violated.

I even loved the feeling of experiencing pain in any way possible and right now I'm skipping today. I can only do this once in a while. If I do this constantly, my school days may be difficult and I'd become noticed. I dislike, no, I despise social interaction unless they amuse/interest me or the act of socialization is necessary.

ANYWAYS...what to do, what to do? I don't feel like going too far but I wanna go somewhere...

I know! I'll just go to my secret spot.
...

My secret spot wasn't exactly a very nice place, but it was unknown to people except for me. It's where I'd like to go to and sit with my back against the tree trunk and write. It was a thousand times better here than at school and home combined.

To others, I'm sure it'd look creepy, but to me, it was the most beautiful and safest place in the whole entire world. Sometimes in the spring, I'd stay here with my journal as all the flowers keep me company.

...

I think I won't go home today...ahh, but that's no fun. Then I won't be able to feel that delightful pain...sigh* oh well, time to go.

I mumbled this under my breath as I got up from my perfect spot and took off into the direction where my lovely fate was awaiting me.
The path going back home was sickening. Even though I loved the painful feeling, the voice in my head wasn't letting me enjoy the thought.

No matter how much I yelled back at that oh so treacherous voice, it wouldn't go away.
If that's the case, I thought, then I'll just have to get my medicine sooner.

And with that, I ran. I ran like I've never run before. It was almost as if the water was trying to suffocate me but I kept on trying not to drown. It wouldn't be long until I arrived home.
...
As soon as I opened the front door I was pulled inside by my hair. My room was pitch black as I was thrown inside. And soon my medicine would arrive.

With every insult, I laughed. With every time my head was banged against the wall, I laughed. With every punch I felt, I laughed. With every kick I felt, I laughed. And with every slash I felt being engraved into my already scarred skin, I laughed even more.

A knife. A knife my own father used against me made me laugh the most.

Do you wanna know why I enjoy this part specifically? Yes? If so then I shall tell you why.

This was my favorite part because, in reality, he's my prey. He's my prey the second he meets my eyes. My oh so empty eyes. These are the eyes that I've had since my time of infancy. Not only that, but the main reason he submits to me is that I am my mother's son.
I am the son of a monster and an alcoholic. These two "soulmates" didn't match. Them creating a demon child together would prove that statement.

This power...I love it. That trembling knife on my skin engraving cuts into my already scarred skin makes me shiver in excitement. He realizes that I won't give a fuck no matter what he does.

And he's right.

I won't ever be able to have these foreign emotions that others have. My feelings are either on or off. They're like a light switch. But even so, the room is usually dark because my light is 99.9% off. Do I mind? No, I don't. This amuses me.

He lets out a shaky sigh. This is where I come in. I slowly take his knife and stand up. He steps back a single step. I laugh. I wipe the blood off the corners of my mouth. There was more blood today than usual. I guess he had a rough day. But he dare hurt me? Me? I laugh louder. I then take slow strides towards him until his back hits the wall.

"Pa, you wanna play a game?" He trembles in fear.

"I'll tell you what, I'll play fair and since I'm feeling generous today I'll give you one minute to hide."
He cries out. My voice was telling me to do worse things than I was letting on. He should really consider himself lucky.

"Next time have the lights on, then I wouldn't have been tempted to play."

He continued to sob. I let out a sigh

"P-please, Vic-Victor, don't do th-this!" He cries out once more.

I ignore him.

"Ready. Set. Go!" I shouted in his face as he jumped, scurrying out the door falling a few times in his intoxicated state.
I set my phone timer for one minute and started reading a short story by Edgar Allen Poe.

As soon as the alarm sound went off I went to go find him...

...
In the end, I would find him underneath his bed. Him being afraid of me was enough punishment for him today. He gave me a better dosage of medicine because the voice stopped. That's why I feel nice today.

I sighed.

"Tsk, tsk, tsk. I even gave you a minute and I still found you."

"Oh well, come on, let's get you up." I extended my hand out towards him in which he gladly accepted after a bit of hesitation.
I helped him up only to be thrown back inside my room with the door locked.

"Well, we had fun today, right my friend? " I said as I looked at my journal before falling asleep on the floor only to be woken up in a few hours.