epiphany. (Bucky Barnes x Reader)

Chapter Sixteen

TRIGGER WARNING: mention of suicide/ warnings of suicide; heavy grief; and intense emotions

"It's so loud inside my head

With words that I

Should have said

And as I drown in my regrets

I can't take back

The words I never said."

~*~*~*~

S.H.I.E.L.D. Chalet. The Austrian Alps. December 24, 2014.

The winter sky was clear of cloud cover and the moon was only a sliver, allowing the stars to shine to their full glory. You had always been enchanted by the stars. They looked peaceful and infinite, reminding you just how small of a planet Earth actually was. It was a humbling thought.

You sat on the terrace of the chalet in front of the crackling fire-pit with a blanket wrapped around you. The cold night air carried the peals of church bells up the mountain, announcing the start of midnight mass.

You heard the backdoor open and the sound of footsteps approach. Bucky appeared in your peripheral; you smiled, turning towards him. He handed you a steaming mug of cocoa. You took it gratefully, letting the mug warm your hands. You felt the small patio couch dip as he sat next to you. You leaned into him and sighed in contentment.

"I've never seen so many stars out at once," Bucky said, his eyes gazing up at the sky in wonder.

You hummed, sipping your cocoa. "Perks of living out in the middle of nowhere. Where else are you gonna get a view like this? Certainly not the city."

"Makes you feel kinda small doesn't it?"

You thought a moment, "Hmmm, I don't think so. 'We are made of starstuff.' The same elemental things that make up the stars make up us. If anything, it makes me feel infinite and empowered."

"Gettin' all deep on me there, Sagan." He flashed his signature smirk.

You rolled your eyes. "I'm feeling introspective; it's Christmas after all."

Bucky's eyes lit up with a boyish giddiness at the mention of the holiday. He stood up and offered you his hand. "Speaking of, come inside, I have something I want to show you." You raised an eyebrow, but allowed him to pull you inside.

He sat you on the couch in front of the fireplace. "So, uh, stay here and close your eyes."

You cocked your head to the side. "What are you up to, Sarge?"