epiphany. (Bucky Barnes x Reader)

Chapter Five

"There was a boy

A very strange enchanted boy

They say he wandered very far, very far

Over land and sea

A little shy and sad of eye

But very wise was he"

~*~*~*~

Newark, New Jersey. April 2014.

You managed to talk Bucky into stopping at an airport hotel in Newark, New Jersey right outside Manhattan citing the sun wasn't even up, and most likely your contact was not even awake yet. Bucky didn't appear fatigued, but he had been driving through the night. And, you had been awake for almost a full 24 hours. Both of you needed rest, if only for a few hours.

You sat against the headboard of one of the double beds staring blankly at the entertainment center; your eyes unfocused as you retreated deeper into your mind. Had it really only been 24 hours since you made coffee in your apartment? Since visiting the museum? It seemed like a lifetime ago. You had a strong suspicion that days such as yesterday would become more common if you continued to stay with Bucky. Could you handle it? Where you strong enough? The world had become so strange in the last few years. Aliens, superheroes, and demigods had made themselves known. Yet, your life had continued to remain relatively ordinary...until now. An extraordinary life is what you had wished for since you were a child. Now that it was literally in your face, did you still want it? Nothing was holding you back except your own hesitation and anxiety. The unknown was frightening; the known was comfortable.

There were also practical things to consider. You were certainly high on HYDRA's hit list after yesterday's events. To leave Bucky would mean becoming relatively unprotected once more. If HYDRA captured you, who knows what they would do to you. It would also mean he would be alone, again.

You had flipped through your files on The Winter Soldier while on the road. HYDRA viewed him as an object; an asset. They completely ignored the person inside, treating him like a machine. The brainwashing. The conditioning. The wiping of memories. Years of cryosleep. No control. No agency. No person should ever have those experiences.

You also couldn't deny that you were drawn to him, in other ways. Your body said it loudly whenever he was near. Those tiny shocks whenever your hands touched. How easily your arms wrapped around one another at the museum. How you shivered when he whispered in your ear. He was attractive, dark, and mysterious. His eyes were enticing and all-encompassing.

You couldn't leave him. Not now. You would never forgive yourself if you did. You didn't want to leave him. Since that night in the alleyway, you felt as those your lives would be intertwined forever. In what way, you weren't sure.