Trixya One Shots

France

it felt heavy. everything did.

trixie thought she was going crazy. she didn't understand what she did wrong. she didn't know what she did to make katya hate her.

she wouldn't let herself cry anymore. she just thought about it. every conversation played over in her head and every word that came from trixie's mouth just seemed like another reason for katya's leaving.

trixie and katya were best friends since they were teenagers. katya always told trixie how weird it wasn't for her to keep a friendship this long. now all those comments burn a hole into trixie's brain. was she lying then?

more than anything, trixie wanted to understand. katya called her one morning to tell her she was moving to france for a couple years and that she shouldn't contact her. she actually couldn't even talk to katya one last time. she was sleeping. her call went to voicemail. when she woke up, katya had blocked her on every social media and sent her one final message before blocking her number as well.

katya 🦷 : for the better if you tell everyone else too. i can't face them.

trixie wanted to understand. she wanted to talk to katya. she needed to know what went wrong. was it trixie's fault? did something happen that she wasn't aware of? how did everything go so wrong so quickly? just the week before, katya and trixie were planning a vacation together for next summer. what the fuck changed?

trixie told all their friends. all the questions they threw at her set her skin on fire. she wanted to scream that she was just as confused as everyone else. probably more so. it wasn't her fault so she needed everyone to stop looking at her like she was the villain.

trixie needed someone to blame in her head. she couldn't be mad katya though. she was never able to be mad at katya no matter what she did. through college, they would get into fights over anything and everything but they'd always end up cuddling at the end of the night at trixie's place. those were trixie's fondest memories of college.

she looks at that completely different now.

trixie was grieving and she hated herself for that. not only did katya have to ruin their friendship, she also ruined her favorite parts of college. her favorite parts of partying in her 20s. her favorite parts of holidays. her favorite person.

she couldn't sleep. she felt like she couldn't breathe. she used all her sick days at work. she hoped she would find it. if she could just think hard enough, she could find the reason. find the reason katya left. the reason katya probably hated her. find the reason trixie just wasn't fucking good enough. every hour of every day, she thought. she read old texts over and over again. she made a new instagram account so she could search for comments on katya's instagram page that might've signaled to something.

katya went to france once before. maybe trixie just couldn't remember all the details katya had told her about that trip. it killed her. there was something in france, something important, that wasn't here. trixie just sobbed, wishing she was enough for katya to stay. but she wasn't. and she might never be.

meanwhile katya was in paris. she drank fancy wine and flirted with french men and women and anyone in between. she fell in love with old architecture and french artists she had never heard of before.

katya kept herself busy. she rented a different room in a motel every night. only for a couple hours. she couldn't let herself sit still for any longer than that. she never let herself sit in silence. she listened to podcasts when she wanted to sleep. she took up learning french and writing poetry. she only listened to new music. she never listened to the same song twice and she never listened to anything in english. she kept her feet moving and her mind busy.