Trixya One Shots

Affair

"why are you so tense?" trixie rubbed my shoulders softly and kissed the back of my neck. she forced me to sit on the carpet while she sat on the couch so she could braid my hair. but now she's touching my shoulders and i'm feeling weak. i close my eyes and fall into her touch.

"nothing. i don't know,"i lie. of course i know. i'm cheating on my wife. i have a wonderful wife and here i am: falling madly in love with another woman while she rubs my shoulders and tells me how gorgeous i am. trixie is the really beauty though. i don't know how she can look at me and tell me i'm beautiful when i don't even hold a candle to her. she's like the type of woman i would draw before i knew i was gay. she looks like a fucking painting.

she saw through my lie. her rubs were more nurturing and slower.

"no, katya, seriously,"she said somewhat lightheartedly. i pinch the bridge of my nose thinking about it.

"trixie, i have a wife. i shouldn't be here,"i say quietly. she stops rubbing my shoulders for a second. she thinks for a moment while drawing away from me. i feel her sit up against the couch and lean away from me. i deserve it. i am a monster.

"what does your wife have to do with me?"trixie asked. i turned around to face her. she looked broken. her eyes were big and her brows furrowed. she looked so small.

"trixie..."i said. i tried to think of what to tell her. what can i even say to her? we haven't even slept together. it wasn't like that. i wanted to be with her, i really did. but...madisyn.

"what does that mean though? that you're married? why can't you be here?"she downsized the situation as if she didn't know. of course she knew. she knew that i was in love with her and i knew she was in love with me. it was wrong to be here. she obviously knew that. she just wanted me to stay.

"you know why i can't be here, trixie." i sighed. she was quick to react. she seemed angry. i don't think i've ever seen my trixie angry.

"no, i don't. why can't you hang out with me? does your wife not like me? what am i doing wrong that you feel so uncomfortable around me?"she stood up and walked away, her back towards me. i stood up as well but with much less purpose. i don't know what to say to her. she knew why it was wrong but she was trying to convince herself it wasn't. i can't fight that battle for her.

"it's not that you make me uncomfortable-" she whipped around to face me.

"then what is it? what is so wrong with me that you feel guilty letting me be your friend?" she began to raise her voice. she didn't yell, i don't feel that she could even if she tried. she was too soft. but she was angry and defensive for sure. i shook my head and took a step in her direction. she almost jumped back to keep her distance from me.

"trixie, you know why,"i tried to reason with her. i didn't raise my voice or get angry. i was honestly sad. i cared a great deal for trixie and i felt awful i was causing her this pain.

"no! i don't! please tell me what is wrong with me, katya. because you seem to know but i sure as hell don't. so, please, enlighten me,"she got closer to me and spit started to fly out of her mouth. she was honestly angry with me. i understood but it hurt to see her so reckless with her words.

"there's nothing wrong with you,"i protested. she didn't seem to care that i was trying to speak. she had her own agenda and talking points.

"katya, i don't get it. you tell me that you care about me, we have a good time together, we laugh and talk, and then you tell me that i'm bad for you. i don't fucking get it!" her hands shot up to her hair she she pulled at it slightly. she was stressed. she was walking around in circles. i couldn't help her. i don't know how to.

"we have a great time together. i really like our time together. i just feel guilty about it,"i say stepping closer to her. she gets in my face immediately.

"why?!"she said, anger dripping from her voice. i don't know what to tell her. i sigh.

"because i have a wife..."

"what does that have to do with me, katya? i know you have a wife. i've met madisyn. she's great. am i not great?" trixie began to break down. she was angry and flustered and her eyes began to water. i shook my head frantically.

"you're more than great, trixie. and madisyn is also great...but i feel-"

"what? what do you feel, katya? i'm tired of dancing around you like this. why don't you tell me what is going on?" trixie asked angrily while tears fell onto her cheeks. i opened my mouth to speak but nothing came out. she scoffed in my face and turned the other way taking a few steps away from me. i wanted to grab her wrist and hold her close but i couldn't. i couldn't because of so many reasons.

"you have no idea how hard it is...being around you, talking to you, rubbing your fucking shoulders and braiding your hair all while know that you have a wife. it kills me, katya. and you don't understand-"

"but i do, beatrice!" i stepped to her and she turned around. she held her pointer finger up at me to tell me to shut up so i did.

"no, you don't. so just be quiet for a fucking second! katya, i keep my distance the best i can. i listen to your boundaries and i follow them even though my heart tells me that i shouldn't. my heart tells me that you don't even love madisyn and you love me. but you won't say that. you won't tell me anything. i don't know where your brain is. you tell me that i'm beautiful and that we should see each other more. you tell me that we can cuddle and make out but then i have to see you with your arm around your stupid wife. and of course she's gorgeous and so so caring so i can't be mad. but here i am, yelling at you about it. so, katya, just tell me what's going on. because i can't do this with you being so reserved. i want to know. i need to know." she spoke with an edge and composure i hadn't seen before. although crying, she was serious and demanding. she knew what she wanted and she was right. she knew that. i swallowed my pride and decided, for once, not to be a huge fucking coward.

"i'm so sorry, trixie. i'm sorry for hurting you like this and i'm sorry for not being with you. i'm sorry for being so secretive and i'm sorry for not being able to love you the way you deserve to be loved- the way i want to love you. the scary part is that i genuinely love you more than i've ever loved another person. it's distracting and scary and...sometimes i'm thankful i'm with madisyn because if i wasn't, i would be with you. and if i was with you, i would love you even more than i already do. which is fucking horrifying because the way i feel about you... trixie, i'm sorry. and i don't know what to do." i panic. i shut my eyes tightly while wishing i had just kept my mouth shut. trixie deserves better than this. i am so worthless. i can't believe this is what i decided to do.

i open my eyes to see trixie. beautiful trixie standing and staring at me blank faced. i feel tears roll down my cheeks. i'll never be enough for her.

"katya-"

"i'm so sorry." i rushed. "i shouldn't have said anything." i turn around on my heels and grab my shoes. i put them on quickly and reached for the door. a hand held mine on the doorknob.

"you actually love me?"trixie asks so quietly. it's barely a whisper. she has a small glimmer in her eyes. she wants me to love her. i do love her, but that's so wrong of me. i shouldn't love her. i have a wife at home. but when i look at trixie's shining eyes...

"of course i love you, trix." she peels my hand off the door knob to put it around her waist. she smiles really big and leans in close. being so close to her sets my body completely on fire. like ever nerve is sunburnt. here eyes meet mine for a second. it's heaven. i kiss her gently while pulling her closer.

A / N : not sure if this is any good, i just couldn't get the idea out of my head so. i'm wondering if anyone has requests bc i could write for AGES during this quarantine.