Trixya One Shots

Almost

"trixie..." her heart began to pound in her chest. but this was the moment. after all these years of dreaming about telling her best friend her feelings for her, this was her time. if it wasn't now, then it was never.

"yes?"trixie asked. her face began to heat up partly because of the alcohol, and partly because sitting this close to katya made her feel good. she had been waiting for katya to tell her that she was in love with her. she just wanted katya to say it because then trixie could kiss her and hold her and love her without being afraid she doesn't feel the same. trixie need her to say it. maybe katya thought trixie was drunker than she really was and now was the most opportune time. trixie held her breath and watched katya's panic grow behind her eyes. katya's mouth felt stiff and her tongue numb. to remind herself she still was alive, she swallowed thickly. she looked into trixie's brown eyes and it hit her.

i love you, trixie mattel. i have for years and i always will. katya thought to herself. her heart raced and she leaned her face closer to trixie. say it, katya. say it now. say it and you'll know. just fucking say it!

"i-...trixie, you're-..." time stood still. trixie's eyes fixated on katya's bangs hanging across her face, the beauty mark on her right eyelid, the spot of green hidden in her blue eyes. katya forgot to breathe this close to trixie. her hands fidgeting in her lap. kiss her, you idiot. she deserves to be kissed like she's the only girl in the world. now pucker up and kiss her!

"katya, just say it,"trixie begged. trixie wanted this moment to be real so badly. she wanted katya to say that she loved her. she wanted her brain to stop reeling with thoughts of craziness. she just wanted katya. she wanted to see her smile when she ate good food. she wanted to see her blush when she looked through her baby album. she wanted to see her face when they explored the world together. she wanted it all and she only wanted it with her. no one girl mattered to trixie. it was katya and katya only. not a a look-a-like, not an almost-katya-esque person, just katya. and all her glory. the heat between them made trixie feel like her face was about to melt off. maybe it was the alcohol. she blamed everything that happened tonight on all the alcohol. katya braced for impact.

"trixie, you're..."yes, katya! you can do this! it's just trixie. she'll understand. she knows you and she loves you. tell her how you feel! trixie reached her hands out to hold katya's, snapping her out of her thoughts and thrusting her into the uncertainty of the moment. all her confidence gone. trixie looked at katya like she was the only person that mattered to her. how could katya ruin this perfect friendship because of some stupid feelings she has? feelings aren't forever and trixie being in her life as a friend rather than her being her future wife is better than her not being around at all. trixie's hand were warm and they cradled katya's gently. katya seemed to relax, the uncertainty slipping away. trixie smiled open seeing katya's shoulders let go of their tension. trixie's heart fluttered in her chest and her vision only focused on katya, confident that this moment would be their last moment as only friends, ready to take the world by storm with her partner.

"your fly's undone,"katya spit out. trixie's smile dropped and she removed her hands from katya's. trixie sat in her own room, on her own bed confused with katya yet again. she pulled away from katya as reflex.

"what?"she argued with herself in her brain katya was supposed to say that trixie is all she can think about when she goes to sleep and the only thing on her mind when she dreams. katya lost all her faith in her decision to keep her love a secret off of trixie's reaction.

"your zipper...it's down,"she said slowly. this intimate moment cut short by katya's need to deflect any emotion from showing. embarrassed and angry, trixie zipped up her pants and walked over to her closet. she ran her hands over her face and scalp, smearing her makeup. katya watched her closely. she noticed that trixie was angry and she wasn't sure what for. was trixie expecting an apology out of her? she seemed so in tune with katya up until that moment. maybe she's embarrassed.

katya stood up and tried to find words to apologize but she had no idea what was wrong. she played with her fingernails in the middle of trixie's room. anger radiated from trixie.

"trixi-"

"what the hell is the matter with you? like, seriously? ugh. you're so-...UGH! you have no idea what it's like to be-"trixie yelled at katya before realizing she almost just told the woman she loves that she loves her. katya looked so hurt and scared. trixie fell apart. trixie slumped into a pile of herself on the floor and held her face in her hands and cried loudly. katya again, stood in the middle of room, unsure of what to do. she slowly walked over to trixie and sat in front of her. katya guided trixie's head to her lap and let her cry into her stomach while stroking her hair. trixie cried and she swore it was from the alcohol yet again. katya just held her hoping that she knew what was wrong. they sat there for a while, disappointed in the fact that neither of them had to guts to tell the other how they felt.

"why are you crying?"katya said quietly. trixie picked her head up to face her. tears still running down her face and mascara now on katya's shirt, trixie was most saddened by herself. she made herself look stupid in front of katya and probably ruined her chance with her forever.

"i don't even know. just- maybe i should lower my expectations." she wept more but katya needed answers. she kept a distance from trixie. she couldn't cave now. maybe there's still hope.

"what do you mean? i thought we were having a good time?"katya persisted. she was confused more than anything.

"katya..."trixie held her breath and closed her eyes. it's not up to katya anymore. trixie decides her own fate. "i thought you were going to tell me you love me, like, more than friends." she opened her eyes to see how katya would react. katya's mouth was slightly open and her eyes wide. for a moment, trixie regretted it. obviously, katya doesn't feel the same. how could she? she loved their friendship so much more. "i'm sorry to say that. i know if you need some time or space of whatever. i just...love you, katya. i really do. and i wish you would love me too because...you're the woman i was meant to love. i mean that. so...what are you thinking?"

katya still sat with her eyes wider than her mouth. trixie swore she wasn't breathing. say something! kiss her! anything! don't just sit there like an idiot! she loves you, katya! do something! she swallowed her pride and let herself go.

"i-i love...trixie mattel. i love you, trixie mattel. i love you. i love you. and i can't believe i'm even saying that. i love trixie mattel. i love trixie mattel!"katya cheered and laughed with trixie. they stood up and danced together with no music. only the sounds of laughter and katya repeatedly saying 'i love trixie mattel.'

A/N: aw, soft katya is so fun to write. hope you enjoyed!