Losing Everything

Chapter 7.10

“I’m going,” Lucy said.

She was already standing up, and now Erica stood up as well. To say goodbye, Lucy assumed, although she wasn’t quite sure how they would. She wasn’t sure whether she should touch Erica, not after everything, but it seemed like Erica was standing up to say goodbye, which probably meant a hug, and so Lucy leaned towards Erica a little without quite meaning to. Then she realized she was, and suddenly was almost embarrassed, and hoped that leaning closer wasn’t a weird thing to do.

Luckily, it turned out she’d been right. Erica hugged her. Erica hugged her, and held on for a moment, hugging properly, and although it was slightly awkward, it also wasn’t. Because this was Erica, and her hug was comforting, despite all the complications of the morning. So Lucy hugged Erica back, holding on a little desperately. Clinging, like she never would have before today, not wanting to let go.

“Come back, okay?” Erica said, as she hugged.

“I will,” Lucy said, into Erica’s shoulder. She was accidentally breathing in the smell of Erica’s hair, but she made herself not think about that.

“Yep,” Erica said. “But actually do.”

“I said I will.”

“You promise?”

Lucy sighed.

“Promise?” Erica said.

“Fine,” Lucy said. “Yes.”

Erica let go, and stepped back. “Are your clothes still in the bedroom?” she said.

“What?” Lucy said, confused.

“The clothes you took off when you had a shower. Where are they?”

“In the bathroom.”

“Okay. Well, I’m keeping them until you come back. Just to make sure you do.”

Lucy looked at her for a moment, and then shrugged.

Erica grinned. “I’ll wash them. So do actually come back. Don’t make me waste the effort.”

“It’s a suit.”

“So I’ll wash the shirt. And anything else that isn’t dry-clean only.”

Lucy nodded, then felt guilty and said, “You don’t really have to, though.”

“It’s fine. I’m putting laundry on anyway. So I’ll wash your stuff, but you have to come back and get it.”

“I’ll come back.”

“Do. Really.”

“I said I would.”

“Yep. And you tell people what they want to hear all the time. To shut them up. And then do what suits you regardless.”

“I…” Lucy said, then shrugged. “Yeah, maybe.”

“You do. Often. So don’t do it to me. Actually come back, because I want you to.”

Lucy nodded, and almost wanted to hug Erica again. “Thank you,” she said instead. “For all of this.”

“It’s fine.”

“I really mean it, and I really owe you, and I’m more grateful than I can say. But now I think I should go away and let you work.”

“Yep,” Erica said. “And then come back.”

Lucy didn’t answer.

“I mean it,” Erica said.

“Fuck,” Lucy said. “I will.”

Erica grinned.

“I’m going,” Lucy said.

“Good. Do.”

“I am.”

“So go away.”

“Yes,” Lucy said. “I am.”

She looked around, and made sure she had everything, like her car keys and her phone, and wondered if she should actually go and get the clothes she’d arrived in, just in case. Then she decided not to worry, and that even if she broke her promise and ran away, Erica could just keep them. It was a fairly nice suit, and Erica might like it.

“Okay,” Lucy said. “Bye.”

“Bye,” Erica said, and sat down at her computer again. She seemed to be being quite unfussy about Lucy leaving, Lucy thought. Very low-key. Probably deliberately, so it didn’t all seem dramatic and significant and like some kind of final goodbye.

If that was what Erica wanted to do, then Lucy decided she would too. She walked over to the door, still open for the breeze, and went outside. She didn’t say anything else as she left, and Erica didn’t look up.

Exactly the way they would have years ago if Lucy had been leaving the office for a few minutes. And that was also very low-key.

Lucy was quite proud of her exit.