It Meant Family

11th - 12th of December 1981

"You see mum, each night insomnia sweeps me up in its arms and dips me in the small glow of the stove light, insomnia has this romantic way of making the moon feel like perfect company." - Explaining My Depression To My Mother: A Conversation, Sabrina Benaim

Grimmauld Place 12, London, England

Sirius had grown to like his new habit of brewing Moony's wolfsbane potion himself, firmly refusing to buy it or allowing anyone to make for him, even if he had been busy with Harry and everything else. His stubbornness had become unable to surprise anyone, especially Remus, who, in spite of his exhausted attempts of making Sirius delegate the job, had to admit the potion still looked perfect. He knew his boyfriend was talented at many things and this was certainly one of them.

"The wolf has been a bit restless since Harry came to live with us," Remus stated as he took off his jumper and put it in the wardrobe in the basement "maybe you should take him to see me in the morning, when the barrier between me and the wolf is thinner-"

"So he can see that he's part of the pack too!" Sirius completed. He helped his boyfriend out of his shirt, trousers and underwear, he noticed how much the scars had faded since he had first seen them as he traced them with his index finger, but they would never be gone and he knew it pained Remus profoundly. Once everything was ready for the moon to rise they hugged each other tightly, it was the first time in many years that they wouldn't be together for that painful night, Sirius planted a delicate kiss on Remus's lips and let their foreheads touch softly before he left.

The baby room in the Grimmauld Place wasn't nearly as bright and cosy as it had been in Godric's Hollow, it had dim lighting and cold air filling the space. The whole house felt like a dungeon, but the new family that lived there had put in their best efforts to make it home.

By the time the moon rose, Harry had already fallen asleep in his white and golden crib that had been transfigured from one of Orion Black's old office chairs after Kretcher was told to get rid of any curses that could have been in it. But he woke up with the screams and growls of the transformation, or that was what his godfather had suspected.

The boy hadn't slept a full night since his parents died, he always woke up at least twice, sobbing and talking about a scary man and a snake tattoo, he didn't sleep properly either, he was always sweating and whimpering. He also despised anything green and, much for Sirius amusement, had set fire to a green sleepwear Remus had tried to put him in purely to annoy his boyfriend. They knew he would likely grow out if, after all, it was just a colour, but at times it was a reminder of the scariest thing he had ever felt. His naps throughout the day were much more peaceful, maybe because he wasn't sleeping profoundly enough to have a nightmare.

Sirius picked Harry up from his crib and took him to his room, where he walked around humming lullabies. Once the growls stopped, he put his godson down on his mattress laying beside him.

"Many years ago," he started "before wizards and muggles divided their worlds, there was a boy name Jack", it was a story about giants and magical beans, he had adapted it from a muggle book for children and Harry seemed to love it, even though that night he had fallen asleep only a few sentences into the epic adventure.

xXx

Madam Pomfrey had maintained her habit of checking on Remus even after he had graduated from school, so it was only after she left that Sirius came in with Harry in his arms. The werewolf sat in his bed dressed in oversized clothes and healing potion.

"Pads?" Moony seemed confused by the small number of people in the room, Remus' head pounded as the wolf growled angrily in it, begging for an explanation. This soon after the full moon, he found it difficult to figure out where the wolf ended and the human began. He knew, somewhere in his mind, why James and Peter weren't there, but couldn't find the information in his torn consciousness.

"Wher's Prongs an' Wormtail?" he slurred his words, too tired to enunciate properly and not yet noticing the little boy's presence.

"There's no Prongs and Wormtail anymore, remember?" Sirius reached up to move Remus's tawny hair from his face, but the werewolf shook his head in an effort to put all his memories back into place and his eyes grew wide as he recollected the events of his previous moon. When Sirius had told him that James and Lily died and that Peter's hands were stained with their blood, that the word pack had meant more to Padfoot and Prongs than it had to him. He had also explained that Remus was not to blame for anything, that he wasn't the reason or cause of Wormtail's treason.

"Righ'" he said angrily, "fuckin' Peter-" he stopped himself catching sight of Harry's hands playing with Sirius's long hair, he leaned over in a very canine gesture to smell the boy, who laughed as Moony's breath tickled his neck, Remus pulled back unpleased with his lack of control over the wolf's behaviour. "Pack" the growl echoed in their mind and Remus smiled at Sirius and the baby, "'e regonises-es-es-es" he rubbed his forehead, resetting his thoughts "rec-og-nis-es Prongs' scen'..." he was quiet for a while trying to translate the wolf's growls into coherent human words "'is cub."

"Well, he is our cub now." He took Moony's hand and led it to Harry's messy hair. The werewolf felt uncertain, so Remus hesitated for a minute, but eventually accepted the touch. It felt rather odd, the human knew the boy so well, but the wolf didn't. It was like showing affection to family and a stranger at the same time. They both felt something for Harry, it was almost like pity, but it had more respect to it, like sympathy or understanding.

They were all, for the first time in the past 42 days, truly happy. Harry didn't know what all that had meant yet, he was too young to understand that his father had once been home for those people when they lacked in family and that it was their turn to do it for him, but reached his clumsy baby hand and tried to pet Remus back, but ended up with his chubby fingers caught in his hair.

It didn't take long for Remus and Harry to fall asleep, tired from all the laughing and the restless night. At that moment, with the three of them, resting side by side, Sirius fell a little more in love with his new family. "See mum, see dad," he thought to himself "I made it and I didn't need you!" He smiled "We might not be a traditional pureblood family, but I'm happier than I have ever been with you and if your goal was not to make us happy, then what were you living and fighting for?"