Dagger ~ An AID Spy Novel

~Chapter 13~

~Chapter 13~

Life is cruel. Everywhere you turn, you see something that reminds you of something from your past. Even something as frivolous, like that one smashed penny that you cranked out of a machine at that one stupid museum you went to years ago that you don't remember the name of. But there are also other things, things that remind you of pain. Doesn't matter if it's physical or mental, you see that one damned thing and wince at the memory.

I know that for fact. Julian still winces when he pulls off his shirt and looks down to see a jagged scar on his shoulder, reminding him of that one painful time that he was shot. He winces at the pain he once felt. The pain of a bullet searing into his skin, shattering his bone and exiting through his back. And I feel that type of pain now. Well, mental pain.

It's a pain that I have grown used to over the years. When my parents would leave for a mission, I always debated to myself if it was better for me snuggle into my parent's bed at night and inhale their scents that have been soaked into their pillows or close their door. To not let my mind wander and remember every single part of them because they might never come back. When Amber disappeared, we all silently agreed to never open her bedroom door and leave all of her belongings as they were. It was too painful to even open her door. And if you did, it was like willingly walking into hell.

And that one, stupid kiss brought on a whole bunch of new painful memories. It not only reminded me of that night two years ago. The night Ben and I agreed to forget. Instead, it reminded me about all the times that I secretly imagined a life where Ben and I would be together in the end. That we could be just like my parents. As best friends, partners, and husband and wife. I've never admitted it, but a small – very small – part of me always thought that the reason why he could never keep a girlfriend for over a month was because he imagined that life with me too.

And then I was always brought back to reality of truth. We worked best as friends, as partners, nothing beyond that. So when Ben brought the imaginary into existence tonight, I ran into the Wire and locked the door behind me. I went behind the computer screens and threw myself into the corner, curling my knees up to my chest. I couldn't breathe. I was too shocked and too confused.

After controlling my breath as much as I could, I turned to the only thing that I knew could help me get back to normal. Jack. He never fails to make me smile. I rushed to the computers and opened up the live video chat to call the home computer. I hacked into the server quickly to link directly to the computer in the home office, so AID wouldn’t find I broke protocol. Although I'm not really supposed to call, it was an emergency. Honestly, I could probably get away with it if Jack was the first to pick up. Unfortunately, Mom answered after two rings. She looked tired, but her eyes were alert with concern, because of an unexpected video call.

"Honey, what are you doing?" She chastised, but I could see her hidden mischievous grin, knowing I took appropriate measures to get this call through. She must be so proud. She settled into the office chair and leaned forward. "There's a reason to why there are rules to not contact home.” She paused and cocked her head to the side. “Oh honey what's wrong?" Once again, mother's intuition saw my distress as plain as day on my face. Or maybe it was because she was a spy, either goes really.

"Sorry Mom. I was just hoping to speak to Jack. There's a delay to the mission -" which was true, I couldn't do anything until tomorrow night, "-and I need my little rascal fix." There was nothing like using Jack as an excuse to get away with anything when mom was involved.

She sighed and twitched her lips in and out of a smile. She was debating, a good sign that she wasn't going to say no. When she bowed her head, I knew her answer, and I danced a little on the inside. "Fine. I'll go get him. But keep it short. You get five minutes. And hey, don't start doing your little worrying thing, little missy. It's not going to help anyone." What did she mean by me worrying? I don’t worry. Her seat was quickly filled by a little boy, his face reddened from his forever, delightful smile and a beautiful sparkle in his eyes.