Learn To Love Again {COMPLETED}

Chapter 18

Steven's P.O.V
It was suggested that I start writing down my thoughts in a journal, that way it can act as a sort of venting platform for me. I'll admit that it's a half-decent idea but I'm scared that it won't do the trick. I need to work on bettering myself in the way of expressing how I truly feel and not being afraid to let my friends and family know what's troubling me. It won't be easy, that much is clear, but as long as I can work through this and keep with it, I'm sure progress can be made accordingly. With Spinel, Connie, and the Gems by my side, it sure makes it easier.

It's been a couple days since that whole incident I had with turning into that....thing. I don't really like thinking about it. Just the thought of that thing being me and what I almost did to my friends is enough nightmare fuel for too many sleepless nights. It's been a bit hard coping with myself, with everything I've done. I mean, I shattered Jasper. I actually killed someone. That doesn't make me a good person, no matter what someone would try and tell me otherwise. I haven't told the Gems about it and I don't know if I want to. My new goal is to try and not hold my regrets and emotions inside me but it's a real dilemma when you consider how different this is from what I've been holding in previously.

After talking to Connie about this, she and her mom advised that I see a therapist. Mrs. Maheswaran was actually kind enough to recommend one herself, saying that Dr. Vacek was a very nice lady and is very open to helping troubled adolescents. Since she's a doctor herself, I'll trust her direction on this, especially because there's not much of any other decent options that would prove as effectively helpful. So, I did just as Priyanka asked and called Dr. Vacek yesterday, asking if me and my girlfriend could come in today and have a session with her. She happily said yes and everything was set up. When I asked Spinel if she would come with me, she instantly agreed. Even though it's only been a couple days, Spinel hasn't left my side since. It's almost like when we saved each other from the Injector. Gosh, that feels so long ago at this point.

So now, thanks to a call with Dad and him agreeing to drive us over, Spinel and I are riding shotgun in his van, looking out the window at the sprawling scenery nearby. Well, I am, but Spinel's gaze never leaves me. If you'd remove the context, you'd might think she's one of those yandere's. But, no, my sweet little pink noodle is just concerned about me. It's been silent the entire time Dad's driving, mainly because I don't feel like talking. It's not that I don't want to but I've been in my head a lot recently and sometimes it's just hard not to get out of it.

Feeling Spinel's grasp on my waist tighten, I squeeze back, feeling her cheek graze my neck. She sits on my lap with her feet pointed towards the door, her arms around my midsection and her face in my neck, listening to my heartbeat. I told her she could take a nap if she was feeling tired, due to the aforementioned notion of her never leaving my side, but Nelly declined reminding me that gems don't need sleep. While I'm sure she knew that I remember that, it's her way of saying no and that she'll keep on looking after me without actually saying it like that. Her presence is so warm and inviting that even I could feel like falling asleep on her, especially because she smells of roses.

Sighing, I continue looking out the window at the shops and buildings of Beach City passing by me. So much that so many have worked to create that could've easily been destroyed. Shaking my head, I force those thoughts out and think about something else. That being the Gems. I really hope that they don't hate me or look at me differently now. I mean, yeah, what I did was quite inexcusable but I don't wish that it leads them to treat me differently moving forward. While I'm sure that they wouldn't do that, my heart just hasn't settled on that fact yet, which is partly why I think this therapy session would do me good.

"Well, kiddos, looks like we've arrived" Dad then says, the van slowing down and pulling into a semi-full parking lot, "Do you want me to go in with you, Steven?".

"Thanks, but no thanks, Dad" I reply, my voice hoarse from not speaking a lot today "Me and Spinel can handle it".

"Alright, if you say so, Schtu-Ball" Dad shrugs, pulling into a spot and stopping the van "I'll be waiting here if you need me just in case". I nod in response.

"Ready to go, Spinel?" I ask, undoing my seatbelt.

"Ready as ever" My girlfriend answers, her grip on me as ever firm.

I then open the door and step out, Spinel following behind me. I then close it, wave Dad goodbye, and hold Spinel's hand as I walk up to the front double doors and into some sort of lobby. Tan-colored furniture makes up the interior, combined only with the occasional painting on the wall and the fair amount of people waiting already. On the far side of the lobby sits a reception desk, a lady occupying said desk. By my knowledge, we have to check in first so that Dr. Vacek knows that we're here and that way, all we have to do next is wait until she's ready for us. Working out a kink in my shoulder, I then walk past the rows of people sitting down and stand before the reception desk, waiting for the lady to notice us.

"Hello there, may I help you?" She asks after a minute.

"Yeah, hi, I'm Steven Universe and this is my girlfriend Spinel" I say, introducing the two of us "And I have an appointment with Dr. Vacek".

"Hmm, let me do a quick check, ok Steven?" The lady says, her eyes scanning a computer monitor "Mmmhm....mmmhm. Right, Steven Universe for 2:00 P.M. Just take a seat and Dr. Vacek will be with you shortly".

Nodding my thanks, I sit us down in a spot near the door leading to the back rooms. Due to the spot being a two-seater, Spinel sits on my left and leans her head against my arm, her right leg interlocking with my left. Like in the van, the two of us just wait without saying a word, basking in the silence of the room itself. I don't know what it is about it but it's just incredibly peaceful. Plus, it also helps combat the nervousness beating in my chest. I know this therapy thing isn't scary or harmful to me in any way but I can't help but get nervous about new things like this anyway. Yawning, I rub my eyes with one hand only for them to partially reopen, indicating that I'm a bit sleep-deprived. It's been a rough couple of nights with consistent night terrors and waking up only to fall back asleep a few minutes later with some coaxing and soothing from Nelly. From something that came from a bad dream, I really wish that everything that's happened is just an extension of it.

"Steven Universe?" A new lady then calls, appearing from the door we're sitting beside.

"That's me" I speak up, getting her attention.

"Great. If you'll follow me please, I'll take you right to Dr. Vacek's office" The lady smiles.

Grunting as I get up, I clench Spinel's hand and trail behind the lady as she walks away down a hallway. After then taking a left down another hallway, I notice a great many doors along these corridors, alluding to the fact that there are probably many therapists working here. We then take a sharp right and the lady stops at a door in the middle of the corridor, opening it and announcing that I'm here. A voice that must belong to Dr. Vacek replies, kindly asking that she send us in. The lady then turns back to us and gestures for us to enter. I politely and slowly push the door open, Spinel keeping behind me as I enter.

The inside of her office is much more informal and different than I was expecting. Walls painted medium blue, a window on the wall opposite the door, children-drawn pictures strewn across the other walls, and a couch with some beanbags sitting across from her desk. Sitting behind the desk herself is Dr. Vacek in the flesh. From what I can tell she's still on the young side, maybe mid twenties or so. She also has long blonde hair, teal eyes, and is dressed in a white shirt with a black skirt and matching high heels.

"Greetings, I'm Kelly Vacek, nice to meet you" The therapist says warmly, getting up and shaking my hand.

"To you as well" I reply "This is my girlfriend, Spinel".

"Hi" Nelly says, shaking Dr. Vacek's hand as well.

"You two look like a really cute couple" The therapist grins "I assume everything's going alright between you two?".

"Yes" We both answer.

"Fantastic. Now, if you'd like to take a seat, we can dive right in" Dr. Vacek says, sitting back down in her desk chair. Spinel and I sit hip to hip on the couch, directly facing the therapist.

"So tell me, Steven, what seems to be troubling you?" Dr. Vacek asks.

"Well, I...." I pause, sighing "I've been having some trouble with telling my friends and family how I feel. I just kept my emotions so bottled up that I became so sensitive to the simplest of things".

"And are there any reasons why you started doing such?" She asks in reply.

"Sort of, yeah" I shrug, feeling a bit uncomfortable "Though this is not the case with Spinel here, I've just felt like nobody could relate to what I was feeling. That they just...wouldn't understand".

"Oh, so it's a bit of a trust issue you have with your friends and family, I see" Dr. Vacek remarks "Have they done things in the past that would cause you not to trust them or is this something that's popped up more recently?".

"More in the past than recently" I answer, my tone falling flat "Pearl and Garnet have lied to me many, many times in the years earlier, telling me great things about Mom. Pearl even knew she was Pink Diamond all along and never told me. Not to mention that before I turned 14, I felt a bit like the Gems didn't really see me as my own person. Like, they only saw me as Mom's replacement, someone who should aspire to be just as good as her in every single way possible. I think that's another reason why I lost some trust in them. But still, that was years ago. It's almost sounding like an excuse for my actions, while also possibly calling it 'holding a grudge' and whatnot. I just don't know if I'm wrong or not for judging them based on how they acted because if they lied to me before, who's to say they won't do it again?".

Spinel then nuzzles into me as Dr. Vacek sighs.

"Oh dear, that does sound concerning. If I may give you some advice, Steven, I think if this family of yours has changed from how they acted before to try and better themselves for you, maybe give them a second chance towards earning your trust. Forgiveness is always a nice thing to work towards and while I'm not saying that you should just let them do this to you again and just be fine with it, it's best not to be continually resentful towards those closest to you if they've proven to actually love you enough to elicit change within themselves. Between you and me, I used to feel the same way towards my mom and dad. I felt like I couldn't tell them what I really thought because I felt like they didn't have my best interests in mind. But, you know, they noticed something was off with me and asked what was troubling. We ended up going to a family counseling session and talking it out, somewhat similar to what you're doing now actually. In the end, they worked to be more understanding of my problems and I've been happily open with them ever since" The therapist explains.

"So, he just needs to get more comfortable with giving people second chances?" Spinel then speaks up.

"As one suggestion, yes. But maybe if should decide to do this again, you could bring your family with you and we could hear it from them. I know it may not sound like something you'd want to hear but consider it to be a chance for them to hear what you have to say. Besides, if it gets too unbearable, you can always wait outside while I talk with them privately" Dr. Vanek suggests.

"Huh, that might not be a bad idea" I say, some relief fluttering into my heart.

"But now I want ask you a question, Spinel" The therapist then shifts her attention "Has he told you about these thoughts and feelings that he's been having?".

"Yes" My girlfriend answers simply.

"And didn't you tell anyone else about it?" Dr. Vacek then follows up.

"...eh...no" Spinel squirms "It's almost like I didn't know who I could trust to tell and handle it properly. In a way, I was feeling kinda like my boyfriend was and that's mainly due to the fact that I understood how he felt".

"Hmmm, well, how about this" Dr. Vacek says, handing me a business card with her contact info on it "Should either of you ever feel like that again, give me a call and talk to me about it. I'll happily hear out anything you want to get off your chests".

"Thank you, miss, I really appreciate that" Spinel replies back, taking the words right out of my mouth.

"Of course, Spinel. So, is there anything else you'd like to talk about today or will that be it for you two?" The therapist asks. Looking at each other, Spinel and I come to a conclusion.

"I think we've covered everything we've wanted to cover, so yeah, I think that'll be it for us" Spinel kindly announces, the both of us standing up with Dr. Vacek not far behind.

"Thanks for having us, Dr. Vacek" I say, feeling like a weight's been lifted off my chest.

"Of course" She responds, smiling warmly "Come back any time you'd like and I'll gladly talk with you again".


Spinel and I then thank her for her time and help before exiting her office and walking down the hallway back towards the waiting area/lobby. While we're walking, I can't help but feel a bit relieved now after talking with her. I guess it's really true how talking out your feelings instead of bottling them up can be healthier for you. I was uncertain about it going into this appointment today but now I know for sure.

We then reach the door that leads out into the lobby, go through, and walk back up to the reception desk. While I'm thinking about it, I schedule another appointment in about two weeks, really believing that this is helpful. The lady at the desk then writes something on a small card and hands it to me, showing the exact details of my next appointment. I thank her, as does Spinel, and then we leave out the front door and back into the parking lot. Instead of getting into the van though, I walk up to the driver's side and get Dad's attention.

"Hey, Steven, how'd the therapy session go?" He asks.

"It went good, it went good" I muse "But, I'd like to take Spinel somewhere for lunch, if that's alright".

"Sure, you don't need my permission for that" Dad replies.

"Thanks, Dad. I'll see you around" I tell him.

He then rolls up the window, starts the van, and backs out, slowly turning and then heading out of the parking lot. Spinel then turns her head to look at me, slight confusion in her eyes.

"You wanna go out for lunch?" She repeats for conformation.

"Yeah, make it sort of a mini date/outing for the two of us" I further explain.

"Oh, really?" She perks up, a bit of a blush appearing on her cheeks "Then, yeah, why wouldn't we".

"First things first though, I gotta use the restroom" I say.

"Oh, well, there's a convenience store over there" Spinel remarks, pointing a bit down the street.

"Cool" I say.

We both head down the street, make sure to watch for traffic when crossing, then come up to the store itself. Upon entering, I kindly ask Spinel if she would wait outside while I take care of business. While she's a bit hesitant at first, she eventually relents and says yes. Satisfied, I go inside and lock the door, waiting a few seconds before I go and open the small window up towards the top of the adjacent wall. Looking back towards the door a second time, I then climb out of the window quietly and head for the jewelry store not too far away. I speed walk down a couple blocks until I come across the very establishment I'm looking for. Grinning to myself for what I have planned, I enter and go right up to the service counter.

"Hello there, how may I help you?" The assistant asks.

"Hi, I'm here to pick up an order for "Steven Universe"" I specify.

"It appears your timing is impeccable, young man, because we just finished your order not too long ago. Just a minute" The lady smiles, going under the counter to fish around. While she's rummaging around, I call Pearl and ask her for a small favor, one that she happily agrees to.

The lady then emerges a couple seconds later, a small black box in her hand. She lightly opens the top of the box with her other hand, revealing a beautiful silver, red, and pink ring with little heart designs around the band.

"It's beautiful" I remark.

"It sure is" The lady agrees, handing it over to me "And I'm sure the lucky girl is equally beautiful".

"You have no idea" I sigh happily.

Due to having paid already beforehand, I'm perfectly able to just leave now and get back to Spinel before she starts worrying. Thanking the nice lady, I head out of the jewelry store, pocket the ring, and run back the way I came, still minding the traffic where it comes up. The window on the side of the convenience store quickly comes back into view, leading me to carefully jump up and climb my way back through, landing gracefully on the bathroom floor. To not appear suspicious, I flush the toilet, then unlock the door and head back out to where Spinel's waiting for me.

"Everything better?" She asks.

"You betcha. Now, let's head back to the Temple. I got something special there for our little luncheon" I hint.

"Aww, Steven, you didn't have to do that!" Spinel says, her smile bubbly.

"I know, but I wanted to" I reply, wrapping an arm over her shoulder.

We then exit the convenience store and head for the Temple, crossing many streets and walking past loads of people to get there. We keep it a slow pace as the grass transitions to sand, adding in a romantic walk that doesn't feel rushed or forced. It's actually a nice, warm day outside, so nice that I almost forget when we reach the Temple. Climbing the steps and coming through the screen door, I smile seeing the favor I asked of Pearl sitting right on the counter.

A picnic basket with a blanket folded underneath it. Walking up to it, I peek inside and find a couple PB &J sandwiches, some chips, some apple slices, and a container of cheese cubes. In as sneaky a fashion as I can, I slip the ring out of the box and place it inside one of the sandwiches, then close it up along with the basket. I then grab said basket, along with the blanket, and go back over to lead Spinel back outside. Before she can ask where we're going, I direct us back along the beach until the bottom of the hill leading up the cliff is on level ground. I then guide us up the hill and don't stop until we're all the way at the top. I then set the blanket down and together we both take a seat facing the hill's downward slope. Opening the basket, I carefully pick the sandwich that doesn't have the ring in it and get to eating, leaving Spinel to pick the other one.

"Wow, you certainly know how to be a romantic" Spinel says "A setting like this with a pre prepared lunch? It's amazing I'm your only girlfriend". I chuckle.

"Only the best for my one and only" I reply, grinning.

Spinel then smiles back and goes to take a bite. As planned, she bites down but frowns, noticing something hard inside her sandwich. As she opens it up to see what it is, she gasps, stars in her eyes. Spinel picks out the rings and marvels at it.

"Steven! Look what was in my sandwich!" She exclaims, oblivious to what the ring signifies.

"I know, right. After all, I'm the one who put it there" I reveal. She pauses.

"W-What?" Spinel questions.

"This hill right here, Spinel, it's the hill where we first saved each other in the beginning. I thought about doing this where we first kissed and where we had our first date but this place held the most meaning for the both of us. I think it's the best place for us to take the next step" I tell her.

"Steven, what do you mean?" She asks, her voice a mix of nervous excitement.

"In human traditions, there's something called marriage when a boy and girl vow to love each other forever and to be bound eternally. The boy then gives the girl a ring to signify this..." I say.

"So...that means..." Spinel slowly realizes.

"Yes, I want to marry you, Spinel. Would you marry me?" I finally ask.

Spinel's frozen, unable to speak or even move. It's almost like she wasn't expecting this from me. Maybe this is too soon. But then my thoughts are cut off when her lip starts trembling and her eyes begin watering. Unable to contain herself and further, she then throws herself at me screaming "YES!".

She then pushes me down onto my back, enveloping me in a kiss with passion overflowing. I then break the kiss and pull her glove off, placing the ring over her finger. Spinel marvels at it for a split second before diving back in for another kiss. Somehow, the force of her moving puts us off-balance because then we're both log-rolling down the hill, laughing ourselves silly. The sky spins and spins until it comes to a dizzying stop at the bottom of the hill. Spinel and I are still giggling like a couple of kids but Spinel shakes off the dizziness and gets the kiss right, holding me by the sides of my face as I hold onto her waist. In the end, I don't care if people are watching us right now or not. All that matters to me is that my Spinel is happy.

And I would not trade that for anything.



Bit of a longer chapter than the previous one but we had a bit to tell in this before the next chapter. It's probably not even a mystery anymore what's going to happen next but after the next chapter, there'll only be an epilogue left. The end is near and it's gonna be good, I promise. Wolf and I want to do our very best for ya'll. Also, I decided to place this only a couple days after the last chapter because SU:F made the mistake of barely mentioning a two month timeskip in the last episode and solving Steven's issues off-screen. We wanted to take a better approach to that and such is the result. I'll hand this over to my bro but until next time guys and gals, bye!

It's been a long road ahead for this story. From going inactive so many times to this. We're so happy to finally bring you to this ending. We hope to see you guys in the final chapter. For now this is all, hope you all enjoyed and have a fantastic night or day, laters.  :)