「 untold feelings 」━━━ sakuatsu

─ thirteen

Atsumu ended up, once again, trapped between an unforgiving man and his satiny covers.

He mumbled something unintelligible as Sakusa grabbed his chin in between slender fingers, frail, turning his complaint into a gibberish of moans. He tightened his grip, inducing short-breathing in his submissive, paralyzed from what seemed like hanging upon his head like a sword of Damocles.

Someone had to pay for Sakusa's untethered feelings.

And the price would be steep.

"You little whore." Sakusa whispered into his ear. "Drinking so hard you end up unconscious and give your body to strangers ? I can't believe you disrespect both me and yourself so much."

Atsumu clenched his jaw, brows furrowed, as the other man slid an arm around his waist, throwing his head back with a growl when wet breaths grazed his skin like sweat against tight leather.

"This body is mine. Don't ever mess with my property again."

Atsumu gathered enough courage to peek into Sakusa's eyes, dark against dark, as obscure and unreadable as always, yet burning with that god awful itch to ruin him. Sakusa was mad, and Atsumu distantly realised that he'd unbuckled his belt, easing a boner, and that this might turn him on a little. Sakusa shoved his body down his god-forbidden bed, both parties still numb from the previous drinking.

"Lay down."

"What'cha gonna do?" Atsumu growled.

Sakusa unfastened his tie, staring Atsumu dead in the eyes. He grabbed his wrists, gestures betraying next-up actions, digging freshly-cut nails into the soft flesh of his forearms as he pulled his hair, no remorses, with his other free hand.

He wouldn't be gentle.

"I'm going to remind you who you belong to, you fucking slut."

On paper it was dirty talk, yet Atsumu couldn't help but feel like this was getting real. Really fast. 

Oh, how he hated this man, he hated him to the core of his rotten heart. How he would've loved to have never partaken in Sakusa's sick fantasies, to wash it all off his skin, but some obscure madness in the back of his head for his own tormentor just kept him from turning his heels.

Maybe he just wished for some love, too, after all.

"Why'd you always have to hurt me?" Atsumu shouted in his face, shaken slightly. "Why'd you have to be such a frickin' control freak?"

Sakusa's grip loosened, unbounded adrenaline dying out gradually. He realized how tight he'd been clutching to his forearm as blood painfully flowed in his knuckles again. He looked at his own brutal arm, realizing in horror how quick it'd been for him to raise his hand on Atsumu, as though it was purely made to injure him.

"I'm sorry." Sakusa stood up, walking up to his necktie's and belt's assigned drawer. "I'm afraid I can never change."

"You're so toxic, Sakusa."

The younger man felt his heart skip a beat, inner space-like silence conducting the orchestra of irregular breathing and accepting sighs. Atsumu buried his head in his knees, wanting Sakusa to forget every most intimate part of him he'd ever seen.

"We don't have to do this," Sakusa murmured breathlessly. "You don't have to do this. You can leave now. We'll figure this out later."

Atsumu raised his eyes upon Sakusa's clothed frame, shimmering with a bad idea. ". . .No."

The other turned around abruptly. "What does this mean?"

Atsumu's insides burned with frustration, being so close to someone he couldn't even get to touch, to love and to admit his truth to. But for that he needed to make sure of something.

Atsumu held out his wrists to Sakusa, not to forsake his everything for an unloving partner to take but to ensure control over sentiments and regrets. Sakusa raised a brow. Atsumu might be stupid, but he was ready to face the consequences of his actions.

"Means tie me up," Atsumu blurted out, the little liquid courage in him evaporating like dew in the mornings of Sendai, like meteorites burning up in the atmosphere. "Fuck me, without holding back."

Sakusa had to take a hot minute to process what he'd just heard, then started opening several drawers of his desk in a cadaveric gesture. He took out all gear destined to their plays, some of which was yet to be used, or that used to be a fantasy of Atsumu. Though pain had never seemed scarier to him than tonight.

Sakusa stopped by the meticulously cleaned-up and covered bed, inky skies dawning upon his eyes, as he grabbed the pair of wrists Atsumu handed him.

"Then I hope you're ready to tell me goodbye once we're done."