Lost somewhere in the dark

Chapter Ten Everything I am

A/N Five chapters to go until the end of this series; Thinking on writing a sequel to this little book of mine  thank you to all the people who have read and commented on the book so far and I hope you enjoy this next chapter a special thank you goes to Simlead for her help with this chapter and everyone should check her stories out

Alistair had truly lost his mind. I could finally see that now. All that was left of the man I once loved was a tortured and truly dark soul. And I thought that this time, it might truly be the end. I thought right there and then he was going to kill me and how could I believe he had changed like the first time we had met...

My breath was ripped from my lungs and the air was thick as I gasped.  Upon waking up I knew I was safe but it was the nightmares that were causing me problems. I felt uncomfortable in my skin and sweat followed by cold chills plagued me. I couldn’t control my eyes as tears streamed my cheeks it tickled and itched as they dried.  A dark pressure built in my chest and my heart felt as though it would burst with emotion. I wept so much my head began to hurt. Such was my torment...

I knew I had a briefing this morning  and as much as it pained me to do so I got up and found some clothes that haven’t been destroyed in any attacks so far. I headed into the bathroom with my clothes and started my daily routine.  Finally after a short while I headed out of my room and straight to the briefing; I couldn’t keep the dream from  repeating itself in my head as I made my way past some of the sanctuary residents  but as soon as I got there I felt a lot calmer than I had done since forever.

I arrived at the meeting and took my perch on the bookcase, everyone was there and the meeting got underway. I looked outside to see a small flock of birds and then I began to wonder on what it was like to fly again.  I miss the taste of the air beneath my feathers and I knew the wait was going to take a while before I was up in the air again. It was so miserable and pointless.

“Ana,” I heard a voice which dragged me out of my daydream. It was Helen and it was then I noticed no one was in the office now and after I noticed Helen looking at me “Meeting’s over but I think will is looking for you.” She said as I finally got down from the bookcase which I had took perch on. “Thanks Doc.” I replied before walking out of the office and began my search for Will.

After what seemed like an hour I finally found him in the library reading over some stuff with Henry probably stuff from Alistair’s criminal record and his jail sentences so I decided to break the silence “Hey Will,” I said slightly worried “You needed to speak to me about something?” he looked up from his work and that was when it all started.

“Oh come on Ana,” he said clearly irritated with my behaviour “You are distracted clearly agitated yourself but if you want our help open up to us!” I grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and slammed him against the wall Henry was trying so hard to stop me from killing him and it was failing.  I couldn’t contain my anger anymore “You think it’s something I want to talk about Will,” I spoke an angry tone to my voice “You weak, pathetic little bastard. Do you think this is what I wanted? This miserable life? I have suffered for so long, totally alone, and, honestly, Will... no one will stop him but me!”

That caught the attention of some people and a few residents and then I dropped Will on to the library floor not wanting to take my anger and frustration out on anyone else. Pushing past Henry I made my way to the door not before bumping into Nikola. He noticed how upset I was and he followed me to the door

“I need to leave now.”  I said grabbing my jacket from the passing coat rack and my gun from the pocket and checking its ammunition before continuing the walk. I felt like a volcano ready to explode and it would probably be catastrophic for everyone.

“Where are you going?” I heard him ask confused at what was going on as he tried to stop me from leaving the sanctuary. “Ana, what is going on?” he asked again but I turned around to answer his first question.

“I have no destination in mind.” I spoke. He didn’t answer so I left slamming the door behind me leaving my fury and wake behind the closed doors.