Lost somewhere in the dark

Chapter Four: Remembering

‘I felt paralyzed towards my whole body. That feeling I knew too well, diffusing like an abandoned disease. It possessed me, made me into something I couldn’t have power over. It was like a lightning bolt, waiting to thump me down at my weakest minute. I had no authority over it.’

‘I could see his sharp, icy yet blistering eyes piercing through me every time I looked directly at him. It hurt.  I knew I was vulnerable. Nevertheless I still bawled for help. I could feel the heat of the malicious fire blazing my skin; it felt like I was a pig on a medieval roasting spit. My whole body was generating gallons of sweat maybe enough to fill up a whole reservoir. I could hear them converse with each other.’

O' Death, O' Death, O' Death,
Won't you spare me over til' another (year...)

I bolted upright in fright but relaxed as I realized I was in the sanctuary; the nightmare felt so real in my own eyes and I curled up refusing to let this battle of the past consume me.  I glanced to the clock as it was only 1:30 in the morning so I lay back down and watched the hours tick by.

But what is this. That I can't see,
with ice cold hands taking hold of me.

I lay on my back as the prospect of sleep grew less and less, and I turned on to my left side and after a few minutes I closed my eyes only to open my eyes. There was no help for it – I know I am not going to get any more sleep, and it is a huge relief to me when the dark cerulean sky begins to show faint signs of getting lighter.

When God is gone and the Devil takes hold,
who will have mercy on your soul?

The day was just beginning and I knew I was facing a mental problem which wasn’t going to go away; not now not ever. I dragged the quilt over my head and dozed over my nightmare not returning for the early morning start to my first day here.

O' Death, O' Death,
(O' Death... O' Death...)

“Ana, Can I come in?”

I didn’t even realize that time had escaped me and I sat up; my hair looking like I have made a nest in the bushes and plants of the area. I flattened down the best I could and answered the door and I smiled “sorry doctor Magnus that I wasn’t awake before.” She just gave me a smile as she entered and I knew she wasn’t angry.

“How are you settling in Ana?”  She asked as she placed the small cup in my hands, I didn’t even begin to reply to her question because I knew something changed within me. Was it the safety I craved or was it the kindness I thought I lost from my original family.

No wealth, no ruin, no silver, no gold,
Nothing satisfies me but your soul. (O' Death...)
Well I am Death, none can excel,
and I’ll open the door to heaven or hell.

 “I’m alright” I replied but she could see I was shaking as the cup wouldn’t even stay still in my hands; she noticed it and took my hand into hers “I know it's hard to trust anyone - and why should you just trust me without anything to go on? But listen: Your safety and well-being is important to me and everyone else here. We have dedicated ourselves to helping you and others like you.” I shook my head and glanced to the clock.

“There were others like me,” I spoke barely above a whisper “I don’t even know if they survived the escape.” It was then I felt the burning anger and the stinging tears down my face.

O' Death, (O' Death...)

I counted each chime. The rhythm was so familiar. What did it make me think of? Not another clock, no. Something weird that sent a little jolt of fear through my body. His heavy sounding footsteps; the masked doctor. Who made me what I am now. I was in the same room. I could hear the sound his shoes made on the floor as he drew nearer, and I knew what he intended to do. Suddenly it was hard for me to breathe. I didn't hear the clock now - I heard HIM, approaching me with the needles and I couldn't move.

I lifted my hand to my head, wincing slightly. My head was throbbing painfully and I touched my temple gently. I breathed in slowly and heavily, taking in the scene. Me. Here, lying on the metal floor with ruby droplets dripping from my wounds and injuries. My body suddenly felt heavy like chainmail and it became unresponsive. I couldn’t move. I didn’t want to move. I curled up into a ball, the world blurring into a flicker of dim lights and strange, disorientated moving colours. For a moment there was a bright blinding light, and then there was only darkness.

I don’t even remember falling on to the floor and waking up, I could see the concern in her eyes and the clock in her hand. I was stupid not to realise that would cause me to remember and as I sat up she comforted me like a mother would to a child and I was really grateful for it

My name is Death, and the end is here...