Will of the Many~ Poe Dameron

Something to fill the time

We're all killers. We've all killed parts of ourselves to survive. We've all got blood on our hands. Something, somewhere had to die so we could stay alive...

-M.A.W.

Serena forgot about the chill of her home planet as they landed back on Ajan Kloss. The swaying of the treetops and shine of the sun brought a warm comfort that wrapped around her shoulders and snuggled closely against her knitted sweater and snow boots. The warmth quickly became over bearing, causing a layer of sweat to start under her many layers.

"They're going to ask," she whispered to Poe as they sat in the cockpit. The vessel had long since been turned off. All the lights powered down and the hum of the engine quieted to a gentle purr. "Kaydel and Rey and Leia... they are going to ask how it was to see my parents."

Poe looked at her profile, but she refused to look away from the trees. She found solace in the swaying. They were forgiving and unjudgmental. She knew the moment she left the cockpit, she would be met with nothing but looks of interest and pity.

"How am I supposed to look Kaydel in the eyes and tell her that I'm unforgiven? That my parents died thinking I am a merciless killer? That my own brother couldn't even stand to be in the same room as me for longer than ten minutes?" The questions stacked up, one on top of another on top of another. Each one weighed down on her more until she felt the entire universe cradled over her back.

Poe sighed, but he didn't reach out for her like he had last time.

"Serena..."

"Poe," She looked over at him to see the disgusting pity laced through his brown eyes. "I get that my parents are still watching over me, but I can't have what I've desperately wanted. I can't look them in the eyes and apologize for leaving, and for all the bad that I've done. I can never hear them say they forgive me, so as far as I'm concerned they are nowhere."

Poe's eyes dimmed, but he didn't correct her.

"I'm going to go find Kaydel and get this over with." She turned the chair around and stood from it. She reached down to grab her bag from behind BB-8. Her hand dragged lazily across his dome in a sad attempt to feed him affection, but her mind was elsewhere, and she was stuck inside of it.

With her bag on her shoulder, she left Poe and BB-8 alone in the cockpit.

As she walked closer to the ramp, the sweat thickened around the nape of her neck and along her spine. The wet heat of Ajan Kloss was not very forgiving at all as it wrapped its sticky talons around her and refused to let go.

Her cheeks flushed the moment she stepped under the sun. She squinted against the harsh light and moved towards the base's hangar for some sort of refuge. Her bag swung with every step, swinging away before crashing back down to hit her thigh. The heartache, heat, and repetitive bang of her bag was enough to push her over the edge.

The moment she stepped under the shade she let out an exhale and lifted her hand to swipe the sweat from her forehead.

Familiar and new faces alike watched as she navigated through the hangar to reach the depths of the base. She tried her best to ignore them, but her wounded ego had already taken quite a bit of damage, and every passing face only added to the anguish.

She made her way towards the rooms to get away from the wandering gazes and not-so-subtle muttering. When she was in the corridor leading to the rooms, she slowed and let her shoulders droop exhaustedly. She had slept well the previous night, but it wasn't her body that was tired, it was her mind. It would not stop. Not for a single moment, and each intrusive thought laid over one another until she had a mountain of jumbled mess in her brain that she had no idea how to mentally unpack.