Will of the Many~ Poe Dameron

To new memories

Serena surged awake covered in a thick layer of sweat. Her chest pounded with every heavy pump of her quaking heart. The pulse reverberated throughout her until she felt it down in her toes. Her eyes skirted to every corner of the room, every shadow as the ghost of her dreams seeped into reality.

A dull throb beat behind her right eye and made it twitch as she cased each shadow for lurking images of Snoke.

"Sserena?" Kaydel groaned as she turned over on her bed.

"Go back to sleep-" Serena threw her blanket off her stiff legs and dropped them over the edge of her bed. The cold floor stung her feet, but it woke her up enough to see the shadows were just that: shadows.

She carefully rolled her shoulders back, but the stiffness pinched a nerve and threatened a spasm if she kept going. She stopped and lowered them to appease her hurt body. She lifted her fists and rubbed at her dry, heavy eyes to wipe any more sleep from them. As her knuckles dug into her eye sockets she watched bursts of muted colors explode behind her closed eyelids. The extra pressure pressed into her headache and magnified the throbbing until she felt it at the base of her neck.

After a month of restful sleep, her body ached for each night she didn't have nightmares. She had a lot of catching up to do, and instead of slowly tearing her down over time, her head decided to give in all at once until she felt like dried mush jammed inside a bag of skin.

Her very bones throbbed under the excessive force of the night terrors. The memory of her lightsaber searing through innocent flesh made her stomach clench and knot inside of her. The dream felt so real her fingers stung from gripping her lightsaber so tightly.

She pushed herself up to unsteady feet and crept towards the bathroom as quietly as she could. When she was safe inside she turned on the light to see herself in the reflection of the mirror. Her silver hair turned stringy and gray as it weighed down with her sweat. The tips almost scraped the top of her bare shoulders from how heavy and lifeless they had become. Her near-translucent skin lost all color and showcased the blue veins that traveled from her jaw up to the bottom of her eyes. Dark bruises hung carelessly under her eyes and dropped down to accentuate her the red that plagued the whites around her dull irises. A single night back at base erased an entire month of rejuvenation. All it took was one sleepless night, one horrible nightmare to revert back to the dull, listless look.

Shower...

The familiar remedy called out to her. If her body slipped back into old, mutilating habits then she would have to go back to old cures.

She turned the water as hot as it would possibly go, then she took her time to undress. Her overly stiff muscles made it hard for her to pull the tank top above her head. The muscles tightened around her shoulders and trembled as her arms extended up. She paused to take a breath as the tank top creased in her elbows. She closed her eyes and let out slow, pained breaths to try and loosen the tightness in her chest.

"Come on..." She encouraged herself. She opened her eyes and pulled the tank top the rest of the way off. It dropped heavily to the floor as the sweat weighed it down.

By the time she undressed steam rolled out of the glass door in billowing waves. It fogged the mirror and thickened the air around her. She hoped the heat would be enough to still the deep-rooted tremble of her bones. She needed something- anything- to calm her. She had to figure out a way to deal with the nightmares and the horrors in her head. Poe couldn't be her answer for everything. She had to be able to hold her own.

She just hoped she would figure it out soon.

***

Serena's stiff fingers cased around her mug as she hovered it under her chin. The scent of berry and cream softened the tension at the base of her neck, but it didn't stop the pounding behind her eyes. Her eyelashes felt as if they weighed ten pounds each, and it took every ounce of her strength to keep her eyes open, but the heavenly scent of tea weakened her resolve. Her eyes just began to close when the seat opposite of her screeched out from the table.