Will of the Many~ Poe Dameron

Compromised

There was a spot right behind her left temple, a pain, that pressed into the back of her eye and created a twinge that doubled with every fast pulse. 

"Tell me," Leia asked softly of her. "Tell me what happened. Was it a memory? Did you suddenly find yourself back with Kylo Ren?"

She closed her eyes and shook her head. "No." She released a breath and tried to will the pain in her head away. After a few heartbeats, the pain remained. She gave up and opened her eyes to look at Leia. The old woman stood behind her desk with her fingertips pressed along the heavy oak. There was a stern line creasing above her brow, and a worried look to her eyes that solidified the unease in Serena's stomach until it resembled a brick. "I was completely present. I knew where I was, who I was talking to... It wasn't a memory that triggered it. It was... my own anger." She found no other way to explain it. "I was angry with her, so angry that I- I-" she couldn't find the words. 

Leia stood tall and slowly made her way around the desk until she stood directly in front of Serena. 

Serena raised her chin to keep her gaze locked on Leia's. "I lost control," she told her quietly. Even in the safety of Leia's own office, the words were too harsh to be spoken loudly. "I lost control and I almost hurt someone- I could have hurt someone."

"You didn't," Leia tried to console her.

She didn't accept it as she shook her head. "But I could have. I could have unintentionally hurt someone, and that-" she stood from her chair and turned away from Leia. "That is so much worse." She lifted her hand and rubbed at the throbbing spot near her temple. "When I lost control before, it was because I was stuck in a memory. I thought I was back under Snoke's rule and I lashed out. But this-" she turned to look at Leia. "This was all me. I was so angry at Rey for what she did. I didn't even know what I was doing."

Leia nodded. "Sit." She motioned towards the chair. 

"Leia, I don't want to-"

"I need to tell you something, and I need you to sit to hear it."

Serena clamped her mouth shut at the odd request. Despite her confusion, she listened and planted herself back in her seat. 

Leia leaned back against the desk and folded her hands lightly over her lap. "After you woke from your coma, I spoke with Dr. Mandalo. I asked him the severity of your condition. I'm not sure if you're aware, but while you were trapped with the First Order during their attack on our fleet, I was in the bridge when it was under siege."

She nodded subtly. 

Leia took in a long breath, then released it and said, "I was in space for a matter of seconds, but in those seconds my body was deprived of oxygen- similarly to how your body was deprived of oxygen while you were in surgery."

"I... didn't know," Serena whispered. "I'm very sorry."

Leia nodded her compliments. "I understand the complications that come with being deprived of such a necessity. It affected my motor skills. Only recently have I noticed my strength returning, but I am still not as I once was. I shared my concerns with Dr. Mandalo and he understood them.

"Aside from operating motor skills, he said that you could experience a lapse in judgment. The center of your brain responsible for decision making was compromised, and could continue to be."

"Compromised?" The word sounded hollow to her. It had no meaning. Not one she understood, at least. 

Leia nodded once, then said, "It means that you could potentially have trouble processing decisions. You could react impulsively, or lack control."