Seriously, WHAT'S HOT? [√]

Chapter 29 - Always Check the Expiry Date

Chapter 29 - Always Check the Expiry Date

Patience woke up.  The alarm clock was making obscene noises at her.  Picking it up, she tossed it across the room so that it crashed into the opposing wall with a very satisfying smash of plastic casing.  Unfortunately that wasn’t the end of it.  The alarm fought on.  It’s beeping lingered with stubborn resolve.  With each piercing emission it slowed down as if fighting a time warp, distorted like it had a speech disorder and eventually, slowly, painfully, and three adverbs later, died with a metallic puff of fowl smelling smoke.

Patience face remained pressed into the pillow in denial.  She didn’t want to get up.  She didn’t want to go to school.  She didn’t want to face the day.

What? 

Hang on... What the hell?

She lifted her head off the pillow and looked around her room.  Yes.  It was her room.  The same room that she had spent her whole life in. 

She blinked.

She rubbed the sleep out of her eyes and looked again.

Yes. This was her room.  In the low light of dawn it looked the same. The furniture was the same.  The curtains, the bedding, the dirty clothes on the floor, the books in a pile, all unchanged, everything where she should expect it to be. 

She dropped her head back into the pillows and laughed.  It was one of those forced relieved laughs, the sort that the heroine uses when she realises that the superhero is her geeky friend.

“Thank gawd that was only a dream,” she groaned as she head butted the pillow wishing it was made of concrete.

What did she eat last night?  Whatever it was must have been 3 days off its best before date!  What a nightmare!  Her imagination must have been working overtime to come up with a plot like that one! 

Patience rolled over and looked at the roof.  Why had she dreamt all that?  I mean seriously?  Josh? Josh and her, like that - naked, sweaty and married... seriously?  I mean Josh didn’t even like her let alone want to rub uglies with her!  And who got married on their eighteenth birthday?  Who did that without elastic waisted maternity pants?  Hell, she had plans for her life, why would she want to be married?  And married to Josh?  I mean really?   Frankenstein’s bride had a better catch.   Josh wasn’t ever going to win groom of the year.  Expecting Josh to settle down was like scanning the skies for flying pigs, buying magic beans, knocking on wood and expecting it to work, or banking on your fairy god mother - never, in a million years, was Josh going to willingly settle down. 

Why the hell did she dream that?     

 And then there was that dark haired cutie, what was his name, ohh yeah - Jake?  What, did she have a fetish for guys with names starting with J?  But hell, he was hot.  There was no denying that her subconscious did a great job on him!  And then, just when he looked so gorgeous, unobtainable and teasingly interested... he turns out to be a cop, a federal agent no less!  Why couldn’t he just been a plain gangster with tattoo issues.  The bad boy with a loaded firearm in his pants was so much more erotic than a FBI agent with a hidden agenda... why couldn’t her dream have shown more of his naked flesh?  Would that have been too much to ask?

And Josh, well if she never saw his naked flesh again... well... maybe his body wasn’t so bad.  Ohh hell, STD city - remember?  And this was Josh, Josh the moron, remember?  Josh the totally-uninterested-in-anything-to-do-with-Patience-Josh!   Josh-who-slept-with-anything-that-moved-as-long-as-it-wasn’t-her, yes, that Josh.  I mean Josh, who in her dream was everything that she had ever dreamt of, who was so perfect, so loving, so hot and so sexy...  Sheesh really?  As if!