Above & Beyond ✔

12. Undone Cocoon

The door was acting out again. I jiggled my key in the lock while making a mental note to call my landlord about this issue. It got worse lately. Once I managed to open the front door, I went straight to the fridge to grab a bottle of water. I hadn't drunk enough since my pajama accident this morning. I just drove around, drowning in my own thoughts.

A neon sticky note with Lea's handwriting caught my eye.

Dean was here looking for you. Your phone isn't active. Are you ok, gal?

I removed the note from the fridge door before pulling a small bottle out of the refrigerator shelf. After chugging the water down in one go, I dumped my bag in my bedroom and headed to the shower. I needed my time under that warm running water.

As the water pressure massaged my back, I sighed, feeling my tense muscles slowly loosen up. Yet my head was still full. Too full. Every cell in my brain screamed, demanding me to stop throwing a new wave of thought as it was very close to exploding into pieces.

But I couldn't stop. I kept thinking, processing and making sense. My mind was filled with a ball of tangled thread which I couldn't find where it began or where it ended.

I couldn't believe Mom had been keeping this from me. What kind of stupid joke was she trying to pull? Hearing the news about my parents splitting up was enough to throw me off-balance, but my mom's adamant in keeping me in the dark was the one that drove me up the wall.

My relationship with my mom wasn't a typical mother-daughter thing. We shared our stuff more as sisters did. At least that was how I saw it from my end. She was the person I ran into, heartbrokenly, when I found out Dean didn't return my feelings. She was also the person who listened to my never-ending jabber about my first boyfriend, Ethan. I even confided in her when my first sex experience didn't go so well. That was how much I opened up to her.

After finding out that she had been hiding her problem with Dad for years, it made me feel somehow betrayed. Despite the distance since I moved out, I still expected she wouldn't keep something this big from me. Especially when I was clearly involved. The way she shut me out hurt.

I knew leaving my mom's house like I did this morning was childish. I should have said something to her before taking off. But for now, I'd let my anger get the best of me.

I turned around and looked up, letting the water caress my face. Once I closed my eyes, the image of my mom's eyes coated with agony rushed back into my mind. A guilty feeling stabbed me. Maybe I shouldn't have left after all.

I wasn't sure how long I had been standing in the shower, but when I noticed my fingers were getting pruney, it was time to turn off the water. It was when I heard a pounding on the front door. Judging from the lack of civility, I knew who was now at the door. I wrapped my hair with a towel, put on my shirt, and jogged to the source of the noise.

"You could have just knocked, you know? I would've heard it just fine," I said.

"I did." He shrugged. "You didn't hear it."

I rolled my eyes and leaned on the door frame, arms crossed over my chest. "Why are you here, Dean?"

He frowned, studying my face. "Checking up on you, of course."

"Now, you can see I am fine."

"Where have you been? And your phone is off."

"I just drove around to clear my head," I said. "A girl can have her alone time, can't she?"

"I came here this morning; your mom called." He glanced inside, signaling he wanted to be invited in, but I ignored him.

"Yeah, I know you were here. Lea left a note." I glanced down at the wet spot on my shirt, caused by my dripping wet stray hairs. "Why did she call by the way?"