crushed ambrosia ( jasper hale )

eighteen. - in grief, in silence, in jealousy

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN   

THURSDAY. April 28th — forks library

IF anyone asked, Ezra Newton had definitely not been pacing in the Forks library bathroom for so long the automatic light turned off, but really, was the library so cheap they couldn't afford to keep the light on longer then 5 minutes. Ezra once again checked his phone, glancing at the time for what felt like the 50th time in the past few minutes. He knew he was being ridiculous, if anyone saw him they would surely not recognize him; Ezra Newton, cool and confident under pressure, leaning against the peeling pastel blue wall of a library bathroom, barely able to make eye contact with himself in the dirty mirror. He checked his phone again.

Fuck. Betrayed by his own phone, 4:28 changed to 4:29 before his very eyes. His heart sped up a little, and he once again thought about just saying fuck it and leaving. It was tempting, so very tempting, yet the blond knew he couldn't do this, couldn't lose football, ( couldn't lose him, the traitorous part of his brain that reemerged from the deep that Ezra thought he had drowned, couldn't lose him so soon after he got him back ). The boy desperately wished to take a hit of his pen, wanted to take the edge off, soothe his twisted insides, fade into the fog, but months ago the one time Ezra had come to a tutoring session faded Jasper had known instantly, had caught him zoning out and made him promise not to do it again. Back then his smirk was more wry admonishment then true scorn. That lesson it had been that much harder to stop himself from reaching out and touching his pale hand when he used them to explain something or adjust the loose golden curl that fell out of its artfully pulled back bun.

Ezra could not risk what he might do, could not risk Jasper's disappointment in him. It was this very fear that had him hastily grabbing his bag before the time could change once more. He promised he would not be late, and that was a promise he intended to keep. 

There were far too few steps between the bathroom and the three individual study rooms. Only one had its blinds pulled shut. It was so startlingly familiar it left a gust of nostalgia that nearly toppled Ezra's fragile resolve. He stopped short of the door, hand hanging limply in the air a few inches from the doorknob. His heart gave a ragged sigh of relief when his fingers made contact with the cold metal, he steeled what little resolve he had as he opened the door, eyes immediately drawn to the lone figure already awaiting him, as he always was. 

Jasper sat with his back turned to the door, and didn't turn to acknowledge Ezra as he entered through the creaky hinges were sure to give him away. The blond took a moment to look at him, the neutral tones he wore making his golden curls the star of the show, blue eyes tracing what he could make out of his profile. Ezra's heart lurched, and he frevourosuly forced the red from his cheeks, taking a deep breath before closing the door behind him and moving to the only chair in the room. 

"Hi." Ezra greeted, sounding to winded for someone who had only walked a handful of steps, busying himself with getting himself situated as an excuse to avoid looking up.

"4:30 on the dot, feeling punctual Ezra?" Jasper's honeyed drawl held more indignation then usual, making blue eyes jerk upon instinct, and once they were there it was hard to look away. Jasper's face was full signs of irritation, they were slight, but Ezra had spent too long gazing not to catch the hitch in his jaw or the furrow of his brow. 

So he was still pissed then.

"Uh, yeah, its this new thing I'm trying." He answered after a moment too long of silence, voice lacking the sarcasm he intended. He looked away, feeling foolish, but when he looked back up Jasper softened somewhat.

"I hope that works out for you." His reply was softer, sweeter, and his shoulders dropped a fraction as he relaxed into his seat. Ezra felt like he could breathe again. Maybe they would be okay. "Now, let me see your exam, I need to see where you failed so I know where to help you."