The Boy from the Band

For When I Return

"Oh, I'm so glad to see you," I say and hug Rick tightly, not wanting to let him go, kissing him over and over on his heart-shaped lips. Then, suspicious, I pull away and ask, "What are you doing here, I thought you were on tour?"

"I'm glad to see you too, Dacy," he says and laughs, "Our last gig wasn't selling so well and when Albert told me you were in town, I convinced Levon to cancel so I could see you. He didn't mind...much." He leads me to the bed, sits, and pulls me on his lap. "What did Albert tell you?"

I knew I would have to answer this question eventually, I just hadn't planned on it being quite so soon. And to be quite frank, I hoped he didn't ask me what I thought of him because I don't think I like Albert Grossman very much even if he is Rick's manager.

The mere presence of the man is intimidating. He's built like a bear, only this bear has long curly black hair streaked heavily with grey and shrewd brown eyes that seem to stare straight through you. Fortunately, one of the few useful things my father taught me was to always look someone in the eye and don't let them intimidate you, ever.

The first thing he asked me was if I was thinking about moving here. I told him yes, and that I liked this part of New York, though it would be a wrench to leave California. Fortunately, he didn't ask the reason, and I left out that I was doing it because Rick asked me, I assumed he knew or could guess.

He seemed impressed by my two years of college; I don't think that was what he expected. He asked if I was planning on finishing school and seemed a little surprised to hear I was going to nursing school but nodded his approval when I told him I was planning to earn my BSN.

"He told me that as soon as I was settled in," I told Rick, "I should come and see him, I guess there's more administrative work involved in recording studios than I thought. I can work days and take night courses starting winter quarter, I've got science and math courses to make up. I hope I can start my RN program winter quarter, but I'll have to wait and see."

"So you're moving here after all," he said and gave me a cagey look with his brown eyes.

"Yes, I am, I've even rented an apartment in Kingston, it's about ten miles from Stoneridge where I'll be going to school. I blame you for this, you know."

He hugged me tightly, "I'm glad, you're too far away and I don't know how often I'd get to see you if you stayed in California. I won't have to worry about something happening to you, I don't think anyone is going to attack you in Kingston or Woodstock. I'd like to see your apartment, when are you leaving?"

"My flight's at eleven tomorrow morning. I've got to leave at eight so I can drive to the airport and drop off my rental car."

I laced my fingers through his. "Do you really want to do this? I mean, if you wanted to make a clean break with me now would be a good time. I don't have to move here, and I can eat the rental money I paid."

He looked at me and said, "Let's go to bed," as if that should answer my question.

After not seeing him for so long he feels good and I don't want to let go of him. He doesn't want to let go of me either. He holds me tightly, rocking me a little in his arms, then kisses me.

"God, I missed you," his eyes shining and sincere.

I run my finger underneath his jaw—he's starting to get a double chin, and it's obvious that he's gaining weight. Since he cut his hair and shaved his mustache, since he gained weight, he seems like someone else, not the whimsical crazy man who swept me off my feet. But he holds me, kisses me, makes love to me and it assures me that it's him and not a stranger. I miss the skinny guy with the facial hair, though, he was better-looking and sexier than this one, and I feel guilty for feeling this way.

"When are you coming back?" he asks.

"Well, when I get home," home for only a little while longer I remind myself, "I have to give notice at work and for my apartment, then start packing and arrange to get my stuff on a moving truck. Since I have an address, I can tell the movers where to take my stuff or I can put it in storage temporarily, depending." I cross my arms behind my head and lay back on the pillow. "I guess I'll leave around the first of October. I ought to get here before the weather gets too bad."

"Can't you leave sooner?" he asks and nuzzles my neck, it tickles.

"Stop that! No, I can't, I'll be lucky if I'm ready by then. I'm going to join Triple A and they'll map out a route for me and send me hotel information and maps. I'm kind of looking forward to this, you know? This will be the longest road trip I've taken in my life."

"Are you scared?"

"No," I say firmly, "I'm not, maybe a little apprehensive but when I found that apartment I knew that this is what I'm supposed to do. I feel like this is meant to be, Rick, as crazy as that sounds—if I think about it, it makes no sense, but something seems to be propelling me forward."

"I think I knew when I met you," he says in a quiet voice, "There was something about you, something I couldn't put my finger on, but I knew you were different, no, special." His fingers gently stroke my cheek, "I didn't plan on falling in love with you, but I think I knew that I would."

I like hearing this. "You crazy Ukrainian," I tell him, and tug on his short-cropped black hair, "You had me from the moment I saw you, but I didn't think I stood a chance."

"And now you're moving to Kingston," he smiles and kisses me. He has to leave soon, and we both know it and we make love one more time to last us until I return.

Before he leaves, he has me give him my new spare key and my address. I watch as he tucks it into his wallet, just like he did years ago when we first met. He's going to arrange for a cord of firewood and some kindling to be delivered and take care of any repairs that need to be made. After all this time he still takes care of me.

We know we'll be seeing each other in a month or so, but it's hard to say goodbye all the same. He hugs me and gives me a deep, passionate kiss, then lets me go and disappears out the door. I stare at the door for a long time after he leaves and realize I'm already missing him.

It seems like I'm leaving behind a dream I had as I make my way to the airport. There is a sense of unreality to all this. I try drawing myself back by turning on the radio and focusing on the amazing colors of a New York autumn.

Being up late has made me tired and I sleep for much of my flight. I look at my watch and realize it is three hours earlier now and the sun has barely set and since I turned down the dinner they offered I am starving.

I grab my bags, the empty one I brought now has some winter clothes in it, and head to the lot where I parked my car. It starts a little reluctantly after sitting for a week and I decide to get a new battery before I leave.

I dread seeing Gina but I have to tell her what I've decided. The past few years she's been hoping that my relationship with Rick would die a natural death but now I'll be leaving in a few weeks. She won't be happy and I won't be with her when she has her baby.

But we don't fight, we don't want to. She's even seeing me off which I appreciate since I'm having a major case of nerves. My bags and boxes are packed and loaded, the cats are complaining in their carriers, and I've got rush hour traffic to drive in. She gives me a big hug and pushes me into the car.

"Go," she says.

I remember when I left Seattle I was running away but now I'm not running anymore if I running to something not away. I have a life waiting for me and I'm eager to embrace it even if I am afraid of what I'm doing.