The Boy from the Band

The Going Out of Business Sale

It was a week before I heard from Rick, which was just as well because I didn't know how I felt about him, or Robbie for that matter.

Robbie had surprised me with his confession as well as his kiss. Even with the revelation of Rick's heroin problem, I wouldn't have traded Robbie for him. I love Rick, he's been my friend and protector as well as my lover. I am deeply attracted to him, he's the sweetest man I've ever met, as well as the most flawed.

It took a lot of nerve for him to show up a week later. He must have known I wouldn't be happy. I don't even know how much of that night he remembered; it was probably better if he'd forgotten. But since I don't know how heroin affects him, I don't know what he remembers of that night.

It was almost six in the morning when Rick came in and woke me. He opened my bedroom door and knocked then said, "Hi, are you speaking to me?"

I struggled to a sitting position and shook my hair away from my face. (I wish I'd cut off a few more inches.) I don't sleep in anything, and when he looks at me I can see the lust in his eyes though he doesn't make a move.

"Would you come to the studio tonight?" he asks tentatively.

"I thought you guys were rehearsing for the 'going out of business sale'," I say bitterly, remembering that Robbie is breaking the band, "Won't I be in the way?"

"When are you ever in the way?" he asks and looks at the bed before he sits down. "Look, I'm sorry about what happened but..."

"Did you get rid of it?" I interrupt.

He says nothing. I don't know what to say, so I say what's on my mind. It isn't going to hurt now.

"Do you ever think about going to detox? You and Richard should go together. You're going to pay for this, you're not going to see old bones. Don't you want to see your kids grow up, and your grandkids? I don't want to know how it started but you can make the choice to stop. It's not going to be easy, and you might even relapse a few times but you're young, you have a chance of succeeding."

"Now's not the time," he said, "There's too much going on."

"Yes, I know," I interrupt and I do. He's scared, the future is uncertain. He's about to lose his income and a big part of his life. They've played together for almost twenty years, they practically grew up together.

I'm angry at Robbie but after seeing Rick hopped up on junk I can almost sympathize. I know that Rick, and at least two others, can be undependable, which I don't understand. Maybe that's part of being a professional musician since you were very young. You have to be responsible and show up for your gigs, but you're surrounded by a lot of temptation, and the younger you are the harder it is to resist.

Robbie told me that heroin scared him, I feel the same way. I feel guilty when I do coke, but I will do it if it's offered. But the harder stuff? No way.

He reached in his pocket and pulled out a box. "I know I can't buy my way out of what I did."

"No, you can't," I retort, "You have to prove to me that I can trust you."

He reaches out and strokes my hair, "You told me when we met you wanted honesty from me. I won't make any promises to you that I can't keep, I owe you that much." He handed me the box, "I saw you eying this."

How had he known? It's a little diamond star on a white gold chain that I'd seen in a jewelry store window a few months ago. I dangled it from my fingers and turned on the light so I could see the reflections from the cut of the diamond.

I should give it back to him, I know this, but I undo the clasp and he lifts my hair so I can fasten it around my neck.

"I love it," I whisper and we smile at each other, "This sort of gets you out of trouble, but I need for you to think about detox. I'm so worried about you."