How much I once loved you~

Chapter 16

I see Hiroto smile bitterly, sadness flashing through this eyes.

He soundlessly presses me into his arms and rests his head on my shoulder, his arms around my waist.

After further thought, I decided to hug back, only after reminiscing the past.

My action stiffened Hiroto, but it was for a quick second, and he hugged me harder after my initiative.

We stood in front of the old, abandoned bus station, in an embrace we both couldn't emotionally leave.

As a slight breeze passed by us, it carried my tears with it, as if trying to stop my silent tears.

It felt like hours as we stood in that position, trying to not let go of each other, because we both knew that once we let go, we'll be back to the hateful present, where I cannot forgive Hiroto.

Hiroto's head leaves my shoulder, and looks into my face, his shining green eyes piercing into my soul. I felt breathless as he leaned into kiss me, all my feelings a jumble of mixed emotions. Our lips touched with such a beautiful attraction, as if it was an ordinary thing to do. As our kiss deepened, I only felt myself return to the past when I fell in love with Hiroto, my feelings so naive, yet astoundingly beautiful.

However, the serene nature which was quick to blossom, was also broken at the same pace.

"Hiroto?" A sleepy voice resounded from the car I was about to enquire.

I recognized the voice, and the calm illusion I felt was broken instantaneously.

Pushing Hiroto aside, I hastened my pace to return to my car, as I felt a burning gaze behind me.

As I got in my car, I saw a sleepy Anna get out of the car, and cling to Hiroto, who resumed a care-free expression. Anna, who smiled so beautifully, gave Hiroto a bashful expression, so enthralled in him that she failed to notice my car at a distance.

I didn't know how to feel when I saw the scene, but disappointment plagued my whole body.

Even in this life, you'll choose her.

As I pulled my car out of the dirt-ridden road, I went back down the mountains, but this time, with a clearer resolution.

No matter how attracted we are to each other, only Anna can accompany Hiroto.

She already occupies a lot of space in his heart, that much I can tell.

The old bus station was a place that Hiroto and I used to frequent in our past life.

We mostly spent the time before our elopement in the mountains, free to be ourself from any outside distraction. I was first brought there by Hiroto, after we both expressed our mutual love for each other, and wanted a place t0 spend without the prying eyes of society. Not to mention, since I was engaged with Mikoto, I hardly had any places to be free with Hiroto.

When we were met with this obstacle, Hiroto brought me to the old, abandoned, bus station, where he used to hide when he was younger. The bus station was very meaningful to Hiroto.

He told me he never brought anyone but me there.

Him bringing me there showed how much he accepted me in his heart, he said.

I smile bitterly as I thought about the presence of Anna at the very bus station, my chest hurting at the moments which might blossom between them.

I thought how cruel Hiroto was, bringing two women to the same place to express his love.

After I reached home in the midst of night, I shut myself in my room, sobbing at the mess I've become.

Not only did I have the inability to restart my life, I had to witness Anna in the only place deemed special in my past, the beautiful past where my entire heart was kept intact and blissful.

The past where I had everything with Hiroto was now completely broken.

I tried to reason why I accepted his embrace today, but I found no answers, only a fearful fact that I still love him.

It hurts my heart to say it, but I used to be his wife, I can't go on without feeling anything towards him.

I realized I'm not perfect, I also can't let go of the past.

But I also don't want to interfere with someone else's budding relationship. That is a crime I'll never forgive myself for.

Even if I still love Hiroto, I will not actively look for him, as I don't want the past to repeat with an unfailing accuracy. I don't want to make the same mistaking of putting my life in the hands of someone else, even when that means to never love again.

Even if die alone.

Even if I-

My sobs outweighs my thoughts, as I lay on the floor, clutching my face tightly.

It was a long, cold night.