Damaged Roses

S e v e n

Betty P.O.V

I didn't hear the alarm and fell asleep so now I only had half an hour to get ready. I got out of bed and dressed in leggings, a wide grey shirt and my trainers. I put my hair in a ponytail. I didn't have time for breakfast so I decided that nothing would happen if I didn't. I ran to the door saying goodbye to Jughead as I left. I didn't want to be late. 

Toni and I were running when I started feeling dizzy and I had to stop dead in my tracks. ''Are you okey Betts?'' Toni asked seeing that I was no longer following her. ''I'm a little dizzy, that's all'' I replied.

''Have you had breakfast?'' Toni asked worried. ''Of course, nobody is so crazy to go out and do sports on an empty stomach'' I lied trying to sound convincing. ''Let's go to your house and I'll stay with you until you feel better, is that okay?'' Toni asked and I nodded.

We got to the apartment and Jughead wasn't there. ''It seems that my roommate isn't here'' I said sitting in one of the kitchen chairs. ''Is he hot?'' Toni asked me with a smirk placing a glass with juice in front of me.

''I mean, yes. A lot to be honest. But I can't think in him like this, I have a boyfriend. But I found him attractive'' I said sipping my juice. ''What if you weren't with Trev?'' Toni still asking curious wanting to know more about Jughed.

''Well, if I wasn't with Trev my roommate never would have nothing with me so'' I shrugged. ''But you're a hottie'' she said pointing me up and down and I chuckled shaking my head.

When I started to feel better Toni told me that he had to go to work. She works as a babysitter so she can't be late. We said goodbye and Toni left. On the one hand I was wishing she would go away because I was starving.

I decided to make me some pancakes. I was eating the pancakes when Jughead came into the house with a different girl than other day. I didn't want to disturb so I got up in silence and went to my room. 

I put on my headphones with the music as high as possible because I didn't want to hear anything that would happen out there. I wondered over and over again if someday someone would want me that way. But how could anyone want me with this horrible body?

I got out of bed and stood in front of the mirror lifting my shirt looking for all the imperfections in my body. Why couldn't I be like the other girls? Thinner, prettier... I wouldn't be surprised if no man wanted to sleep with me. 

Tears filled my cheeks as all those thoughts haunted my mind. Why can't I be normal and love myself? Would it be so bad that I wouldn't look at me with disgust if I wear shorts or a skirt? Would anyone ever be able to find me sexy? And not only to tell me because I am their friend and to make me feel good. 

When I wanted to figure it out I was sliding my blade down my stomach because the wrists had no more space. More tears welled up in my eyes as I thought about how disappointed my father would be if he saw me do this again. When he was here I only used to cut my wrists and not much. He was always there to support me, thanks to him I stopped cutting myself in places other than my wrists. He was helping me little by little to stop doing it also on my wrists, until he died in that fucking fire.

''I'm sorry for failing you dad'' I thought as I applied the cuts on my stomach. And just as if it were destiny, Simple Plan - Perfect began to sound. Song that reminded me of my father, that made me remember how I failed him and the disappointment of a daughter that I would be for him if he could see me. 

''I just wanna make you proud, I'm never gonna be good enough for you.

Can't pretend that I'm alright and you can't change me.

Cause we've lost it all, nothing last forever,

I'm sorry I can't be perfect.

Now it's just too late and we can't go back,

I'm sorry I can't be perfect.''

The lyrics made me feel even more pain, sentimental pain. Pain that went away with every cut I applied. I was still in front of the mirror and for a moment I was frozen to see all the cuts I had made and the blood running down my stomach and my leggings.

I dropped the blade and fell to my knees on the ground crying even more, trying not to make any sound. Arms above my head as I cringed to my knees and blood filling the gray shirt. 

After half an hour without moving from that position and calmed down I decided to go to the bathroom to take a shower and change my bloody clothes. I left the room in silence in case Jughead was still with the girl, but nothing was heard.

When I was about to enter the bathroom, Jughead's voice from behind made me freeze. He couldn't see me like that. So without saying anything or turning to him, who was leaving the room, I went into the bathroom and blocked the door.

The hot water began to touch my cuts and the pain filled my body causing tears to fall from my eyes and biting my lip avoiding crying out in pain. That was the worst part of cutting yourself, the hot water caressing the cuts causing an unbearable burning.

After the shower I decided to go to the living room and act as if nothing had happened,  I greeted Jughead and sat next to him on the couch. ''It's everything okey?'' Jughead asked. ''Why shouldn't I be?'' I replied faking a smile. 

''I didn't know you were home I'm so sorry for what you had to hear'' Jughead asked biting his lip nervous. ''Oh, don't worry, I didn't want bother you so I went to my room and put my headphones on'' I said and he nodded. 

''Breaking Bad?'' Jughead asked smiling like if he really wanted spend time with me or maybe he just wanted to watch the serie. I nodded trying to don't think in bad things, I wanted to enjoy the moment.

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A/N: This is the song Betty was listening