MEMORIES....SOME LAST A LIFETIME

Chapter Seven

Sanem gasped at the missed phone calls and texts from Can.  She listened to the voicemails first. " Sanem I just found out you resigned from the agency,  Why!!  Call Me.......

The second voicemail....." Sanem I'm still waiting on the phone call. "   

The third voicemail....." Sanem stop being childish please call me. " ...........

The fourth voicemail......." Sanem, please. "   

She closed her eyes, hearing the desperation in his voice, she knew he wasn't going to give up.  He would have to understand that her phone was on silent and she didn't hear his calls. She hurried home, got comfortable and called his phone.  On the second ring, "  Well finally you decide to call me back, What's up Sanem, why didn't you tell me you quit the agency right after I left? "  Can demanded.  She tried to stay in control and not get on the defensive,  " What would you have said Can,  you would have told me No, right. Listen this is something I have to do." She pleaded.  "Please understand, what I'm going through now is the same thing I went though when you left for that year. If I don't  act now and take charge of me I'm going to be back in that hospital again. Her voice cracked with emotion as she uttered, " What was between us Can, is better left behind,  your life doesn't need me. "  

Can took a deep breath, " There you go, making all the decisions again. How do you know I don't need you in my life? Have I told you what I need and don't need,  just because I can't remember everything  we had, doesn't mean I won't.  Let's work on this together, ok. Just come back to work at least,....Sanem, are you there? " He begged, feeling his life being turned upside down once again. Sanem had to be firm and strong, " Can, that can't be, you are not the same person that fell in love with me.  I can't stand by and watch as you move on with your life without me." She cried.  Can was silent for a few seconds then finally he spoke, " I'm sorry for what you are going through,  there's a trace of me that knows you, but I don't know if that's enough.  I want you in my life but not if it's going to hurt you. "  He whispered.  

The hurt of losing him this way burned her deeply and those scars would forever live inside her. Although Can had lost that need to love her , there was still a want that captured his soul.  They agreed to let things stay the way they were. Can had so many emotions running around in his heart, it was hard for him to breath or think clearly.  He was concerned about her being on her own,  he asked if there was anything he could help her with. She explained she had gotten a job, just  mainly for a pastime and with her money from the book, she was financially independent.  Telling him her second book was well on it's way and would be published soon. Hearing her talk of all her plans and the things she had accomplished, made him sad.  She definitely didn't need him anymore.  He thought, how strange to feel so empty about losing a love you didn't even remember......They both agreed to keep in touch, but Can wanted to see her so he asked for her address again. He wanted to be able to see her, talk to her face to face, but she's refused again,  saying it was to soon. Reluctantly they said their goodbyes. 

His hurt was visible for everyone to see.  He couldn't concentrate the rest of the day.. He knew that Leila and Ceycey knew where she lived, that might come in handy..  He called it a day and went to the gym. He needed an intense workout, to cast out the devastation he was feeling.           Sanem cried for hours unable to stop, she was afraid she may have another breakdown.  The loneliness that had taken control of her was refusing to let go.  Pleading and begging for her heart to be strong and her soul to comfort her, she managed to take her shower and get ready for bed. The shower made her feel better,  the stinging hot water soothed the empty coldness she felt inside.  She got a couple hours sleep, before a dream of Can shook her awake......after realizing it was just a dream, she sat alone and watched  the dawn creep in and her day would start again..

Can's evening was filled with what -ifs,  what if she wasn't part of his life anymore, what if  he went back to his photography and took up his traveling again.  Maybe he could just start back part time, on short assignments.  That might work, he would still be able to help at the agency.     It would be something to think about.  He had his freedom, just like he always did, but why did it feel so foreign to him now.  He wasn't  feeling the excitement that usually companied him when he made his plans.  His desire for solitude had diminished, in fact the thought of wandering around in a forest somewhere alone, was not that appealing... He wasn't sure if he knew this Can Divit..........

As she walked to work it felt like the weight of the world was relating on her shoulders.  She had to shake it off before she got to work, or everyone would know something was wrong.  They would want to talk about it and try and make her feel better.  Just get through the day, get back home and write. The morning was busy and it helped her with her sadness, lifting her spirits.  It was almost time for the lunch rush, and she looked up to CeyCey standing in the line.  Surprised, she waved and motioned for him to come to the side.  " What are you doing her , " she asked.  " I came to see my friend, Is that ok." he spouted.  She laughed and gave him a hug. Maya told her she could take a 30 minute break to visit.  She was glad to see him but was wondering what was up....

CeyCey was ready to give her the gossip from the office.  Telling her the Womanart  campaign was going great and bringing in  a lot of  business.  He took  her hand and asked, " Sanem what happened between you and Mr. Can, I know it's none of my business but I hate to see my friends in so much pain...

Sanem looked with questions in her eyes. " Why do you ask, is there something wrong with Can. He replied,  " No, not physically, but emotionally he is drained. The fire is gone from him. "                    Sanem hung her head,  "He'll get over it CeyCey, it will take time, and help from his friends."  

" I don't think our  lives were not meant to be joined together.......But that won't  stop me from loving him for the rest if my life" ........She admitted with tears in her eyes.