Can went back to his house to wait for her to call. Confused and upset, he tried to piece it together. His trip had been fun but this nagging pull for him to return home had plagued it the majority of the time. Not being able to explain the feelings he was experiencing, or the need to see Sanem was frustrating to say the least. This being in limbo condition, and not understanding why, was driving him crazy. Had he really missed her. The whole meaning of the trip was to clear his mind, but instead it fill his mind up more with her. He looked at his phone again, still confused at what he was feeling, " Why hasn't she called back." He said, with his head filled with that feeling of dread.
Sanem read the text for 100th time. She reasoned with herself , " You have to call, it's only right. He probably doesn't really care, he just texted to be polite." She told herself. After 30 minutes she rang his number, he answered on the first ring. " Sanem, hey, what's going on. Where are you? " He blurted out, almost in a panic. She tried to talk but the sound of his voice had made her weak and her words were hard to form. He asked again, " Where are you, you sound strange, do you want me to come and get you..Sanem, you need to talk to me." He shouted. Her courage to tell him what she had done, was slowly disappearing as she began to explain. Her voice seemed to be coming from someone else as she spoke, " Can I have moved away from the farm," She stammered, trying to sound strong. " I have an apartment in the city, I think it's better this way. You know, not so much pressure on you." She told him. She could feel the tears sting her eyes as she closed them and took a deep breath. There was a silence, a very awkward silence, and then Can said, " You moved away, Ok, I see. And you think it would be better?" He repeated. " Are you saying better for me or for you, Sanem. " His said, his voice was low and she could tell he was upset. She explained, " You seemed to be under a lot of pressure will me there all the time, making you feel like you had to remember. This will free you from the guilty and let you get on with your life. "
Can was having a hard time processing what he was hearing. She was making all these decisions about him or for him, without consulting him at all. Sanem was rambling on about his need to find his old self again, not making any sense. Can shouted, " Enough Sanem, that's enough. I want to know why you are you doing this and I want to know, now." He spoke. "Without asking what I want, you made these choices, Am I right. Well I will make a decision for you right now, without asking. You can move right back here to the farm, NOW!! Give me the address and I'll come pick you up ! " Sanem was shocked, unable to speak. Can shouted again, "Sanem, I'm waiting for the address." She took a deep breath, "Can, I'm not moving back, and I didn't make all these choices just for you, they are for me to." She replied, feeling her heart break. " We have had many obstacles in our relationship, but this is the biggest one and perhaps the most costly. Watching the change in you, from the Can I fell in love with to that Can that couldn't believe that he would have fallen in love with ME, well that hurts too much, my heart and soul can't take it." She cried.
Can wiped away his own tears as she revealed her deepest feelings and fears. He hadn't put himself in her place.. Maybe what he felt for her did stem from guilt, he knew she aroused a part of him but was that enough. After a minute Can said, " Let's at least get together and talk this over, not on the phone. I'll come to you place and we can figure it out. " He begged. Sanem dug down to the depth of her heart and said, " Can, I don't think I can do that . Talking won't do any good, and seeing you will rip my heart out." Let' s just leave it at this, Ok." She answered. Can asked again for the address to her apartment, but she refused to give it . Can mumbled, " It doesn't have to be like this, Your just giving up on us and on me, denying the fact I could get my memory back at any moment. I know it's been hard but this was not what I wanted." He confessed, his voice cracking with emotion. Finally he agreed to give it a chance, to see what happened and they would talk later. He was exhausted and emotionally drained.
Sanem never told him that she had resigned from the agency two weeks prior, so that would bring another wave of anger when he found out.. After the call she sat there for what seemed like hours. " I feel me slipping away, this is just going to be too hard. He sounded so rejected, I don't know what to do." She mumbled. " I want my life back, the life that made me happy." The anguish tore through her leaving her weak and tired, but she knew that sleep would evade her that night. She remembered the bottle of wine she had bought on the first day she moved in, I think it's time to have a drink....to two.
Can took a run and worked out for about 2 hours, trying to expel all the crazy emotions going on inside of him..he showered again and poured a glass of whiskey. Why did she decide to do this now, his feelings were all over the place, it's like his ability to reason had been marred. Come on just try it like this for a few days and see what happens, it's not like you're never going to see her again, she'll be at the office on Monday . He had a couple more drinks and went to bed. Her dream stayed with him all night. They were at this creepy old house hanging bird houses, and she read him a poem about her boyfriend.....it doesn't make sense...
When he woke the next morning, he knew he had dreamt the whole thing. But reality set in and his heart remembered.
The pain of losing something you didn't remember you had, is just as painful as remembering what you lost
YOU ARE READING
MEMORIES....SOME LAST A LIFETIME
RomanceCan has lost all memory of Sanem and the love they had. He longs for his old life. It seems that Sanem doesn't fit in his life now..The struggle of moving on when her heart wants to stay.
