How My Life Changed In 12 Days

December 29th

I sit in the car looking out of the window. Shaun sings to the song on the radio and I just hum.

"Sing with me baby, " he says.

"I don't know the lyrics, " I lie.

Shaun and I went for a movie that Ira had planned and booked for us. It was a thriller movie and it was a good one.

Shaun stops in front of my house and turns towards me. He leans foward and starts kissing me. He starts nibbling on my lips as I kiss him back. Suddenly it doesn't feel right kissing him. Maybe it's because Ira is in there alone and I feel bad for taking so long or maybe it's because I don't want to be alone with Shaun but with Ira or maybe it's both.

"We should stop. If we keep going I'm gonna lose my Vcard before the wedding, " I tell him and he pulls away.

"I would love that."

"Shaun, " I warn.

"Okay okay." He pecks my lips. "Good night."

"Good night."

I open the door and get out. I wave at him and wait till he drives away. I sigh on sit on the pavement. I take my phone and call Jaylyn.

"Hellllooo baymax, " she says.

"Groot, " I whine.

"What's wrong? Date didn't go well."

"It did. The movie was great. Shaun kissed me in the car and it didn't feel right anymore."

"Oh no..." I hear her sigh.

Then there is a moment of silence.

"Jay?"

"Hmmm?"

"I think I love Ira again."

"I think you do."

I scoff. "You know what my tarrot cards read?"

"Oh I forgot to ask you that."

"She said if you love something and it makes you happy, chase it. How ironic though. I love it so much and I've been chasing it for ages but that thing just won't love me back."

Tears roll down my cheeks.

"Wait where are you right now?"

"Outside my house. On the pavement."

"Wanna come over?"

"No, it's fine."

"Chels?"

"Hmm."

"What did you tell yourself to move on?"

"That I'm not her preferred sex."

"Keep telling yourself that baby. You got this. Don't stress over her okay," sheconsoles me.

"Hmmm."

"Will you be okay?"

"Yes. I should go now. Bye."

"Okay. Bye love. Don't stress okay?" I hum as I end the call.

I stand up and dust myself of as I walk up to the door. I take the key from my pocket and go inside. The house is dark so I know my parents are sleeping. I walk up to my room and go inside to find Ira writing something.

"Hey!" I say.

She looks at me and closes the book and places it on the nightstand. I realize it's her journal. We both have the same kind of book. It was a one direction merch that we both bought in 2016 so that we'll have something similar.