Hide me (Crenny)

To Grandmother's house we go

   After Craig got a hold of baby Kenny, he immediately started running, though unsure of where to go exactly. He settled on loitering around the elementary school for the time being. It was probably wise to avoid his own house, since his involvement was officially known.

   As he sat in the snow with his back against the brick building, he texted Cartman, telling him to pick him up at the school. Then he slipped his phone back into his pocket and sat in there silently for god knows how long, before peering down at the cooing infant, a pale blond tuff atop his sweet, chubby face. His face was clear of freckles, his teeth gone and eyes a much brighter shade of blue.

   God, this was weird.

   "Kenny?" He whispered, half expecting an answer. The baby stared off into the starry sky, bringing his tiny fist up to suck and gum on it, oblivious to his care taker's pleading eyes. Craig tried again. "I just wanna say I'm sorry... for everything. I could have done more to help you."

   Kenny finally seemed to notice him, turning his completely blank baby gaze to Craig's tear stained face.

   Craig leaned his head back against the wall, staring up at the sky. "I could have done so much more..." he looked down again. Kenny's eyes had sealed. He slowly fell asleep in Craig's arms, his tiny fist still stuffed in his mouth. "I will do more for you. From now on, I promise."

   The sound of a familiar heavy panting caught his attention. He looked up to see Cartman and Karen running toward him. Karen dropped to her knees, skidding to a halt in front of Craig and staring down at her brother, happy tears streaming down her face. "Kenny," she murmured, gently tracing his face with her fingertips. She then grabbed him from Craig's arms, and Craig was immediately yanked up by his chubby ally.

   "Listen," Cartman said, "we had a little issue at the police department. Long story short, we had to ditch the car and call some friends. C'mon, we need to move. Now."

   Craig didn't have time to question that. They ran around the school to see a black van with the side door sitting wide open. Stan sat in the driver's seat, Kyle in the passenger, and Karen currently climbing into the back, infant in hand. Cartman and Craig joined her, immediately slamming the door shut. The vehicle sped off, gone from the school within a matter of seconds.

   Cartman snatched up the baby and held him up, inspecting him with a skeptical look, like he wasn't completely sure of what he was holding.

   Craig furrowed his brow. "So... how do we fix him? Do we add water or something?"

   Kyle peeked around his seat, before his eyes shot open and he scrambled out of his seat, joining Cartman's side. "Is that a baby!?" He exclaimed, staring at Kenny like he was the dreaded leprechaun. "Why the fuck do you have a baby!?"

   Cartman ignored his concern, handing Kenny to Craig. "He's still pretty fresh. In an hour or two he should be able to walk and talk again."

   "Cartman!" Kyle exclaimed. "You didn't tell us we were helping you kidnap a baby! We need to go back!"

   "No!" Karen snapped. "That's Kenny! We need to get him out of South Park!"

   Kyle looked at the baby again, then back at Karen. "Dude, What the fuck is going on?"

   Cartman sighed in frustration. "Kenny gets killed like every other day. Then he's reborn and grows up overnight, and nobody remembers it the next day. Right now we need to get him out of town before the police catch on."

   Kyle has to shake his head clear of any current thoughts to really process that. He then looked up at the driver. "Stan, are you listening to this?"

   "Dude, I'm not trying to question anything. At this point I'm not even surprised anymore."

   "Denver's not far enough," Cartman muttered to himself considerably, before looking to Stan. "Take us to Nebraska. We'll crash at my Grandma's for a while."

   "They'll find us again. They always find us!" Craig argued. Cartman waved him off though and again, snatched up baby Kenny.

  "They always find you, because you are stupid." He cradled the baby and smiled, before making the unfortunate decision to start singing to him. "Over the meadow and through the woods to grandmother's house we go. The horse knows the way to carry the sleigh through the white and wooly snow—"

   "If you sing another word of that goddamn song I swear I'll rip one of your neck rolls off with my teeth," Kyle growled threateningly. Cartman glared at him before turning his attention back to Craig.

   "This kid's butt naked under this parka dude, you couldn't have spared a second to grab some pants?"

   "Oh yeah, how could I have been so careless?" Craig rolled his eyes and folded his arms, sitting back against the van wall and directing his eyes to the window.

   "Wow, what's Craig all pissy about?" Stan asked from the front seat, not daring to look away from the road, but somehow feeling the anger radiating from behind.

   "He's going through a lot of mood swings right now," Karen said, "He likes Kenny, and then he watched him die, and now he's a baby... it's a lot to take in."

   Cartman snorted. "Yeah, especially when you think about the fact that they totally banged."

   Craig's eyes widened and his face drained of color. Karen's eyes widened, as did Kyle's, but Cartman exploded with joyous laughter, hugging little Kenny to his chest. "You're a freak dude!"

   "I want to fucking die," Craig grumbled, turtleing into his sweatshirt and wishing he had a pair of headphones so he could tune them out.

Stan readjusted his mirror, before his brow furrowed. "Hey guys, is it just me or is that truck gaining on us?"

   The van went silent, as Cartman tossed the baby into Kyle's arms carelessly and stumbled over to the back windows of the van.

   A red pickup was approaching fast, a dirty blond man fuming in the driver's seat.

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Yo, sorry for disappearing for a minute there.
   God, I say that a lot. Never trust me to be on time, that's all I can say. If you called me and told me I had to come save you from being murdered, I'd probably pick up a pizza on the way.