KILL THIS LOVE (BOOK 1)

CHAPTER TWENTY FIVE

JENNIE'S POV.

I wiped my tears away from my cheeks and stared at myself in front of the mirror. I shook my head vigorously, trying to abolish my flashbacks.

I promised myself to be better, how can I be better if I keep thinking about it? I mean, sometimes, it pops in me unnecessarily from time to time and I can't help but feel all the things I have felt way before.

But I can tell that at the moment, I am kinda in a better place because of her.

Lisa.

I gotta admit that no matter how I try to distance myself away from her and tell her that she deserves better, I still be needing her. I don't want her efforts to help me fix myself to go to waste, I need to do my part. I know I need it.

Everything seems so peaceful and easy whenever she is around, I just don't want to show it because I don't want her to be so assured and end up leaving me completely shattered just like everyone did.

I don't want to be so easy on her, she might take advantage of it. I don't want to be hard on her either but I guess I am already hard on her, knowing the fact that I am too tough to handle. Everytime I break down she is always the one to pick me up even if I push her away and say mean things to her that I don't even mean.

Lisa taught me that it's okay to cry every now and then because it is normal to have a bad day, it is normal for people to feel low at times... back in the days where I don't know her yet, feeling shit was an addiction to me. I don't even know how to stop it, it was hard to stop something that you got used to that's why it is so tough for me to adjust when she came. I am having a hard time letting her in and even though she already proved something to me, I can't really let her in easily even if I want to because I want to protect myself from everyone.

I know she isn't some kind of person I should protect myself from. Lisa is an angel, a real one. She made sure that I won't feel alone anymore, she made me feel that I am not alone in this battle, that I have someone with me all through out everything.

And that motivated me to do and be better, to help myself. It pushed me to get up and face my fears. She made me feel vulnerable and strong at the same time. Lisa mended broken parts of me and I don't think I could ever repay her for that.

She made me realize that my past doesn't define who I am, and that I should not be living in it anymore because I have already come this far.

She is the light I have been trying to search for all my life. She lit up my horrific dark world.

"Jennie, you shouldn't be scared anymore. I will not let him hurt you this time." I firmly told myself as I focused on the mirror. I briskly wiped my tears and clenched my jaw.

"You are no longer a hostage of your past. You are no longer his prey." I said through gritted teeth as the tears continue to pour down my cheeks.

"You are no longer a victim, Jennie. You are a survivor and I am fucking proud of you." I smiled through the tears while my voice cracking.

"I am so fucking proud of you for getting this far." I said as I pointed myself at the mirror, my brows knotted together as the mixed emotions ran through my whole system.

"Because you, Jennie Kim is stronger than you think you are." I continued and put my hair in to a messy bun. I am starting to take a hold of myself once again, I am starting to be my own voice.

I am finally beginning to be my own fucking voice.

"You are Jennie Kim and you are bigger and stronger than your past." I strong-willed told myself, I proudly chuckled to the tears while shaking my head. I wiped the tears and held my head high.