Happier ~a kagehina fanfiction~

42 Days After

Hinata took the next few days off work. Akaashi and a couple other work friends offered to cover the few shifts he was missing. All he had to do was go to class for the four days after. When he went back to work, he had less shifts than before, but that was fine with him, more time to stay home. 

The day after their fight, Hinata took Kageyama to the nearby clinic to make sure his knees were all good. They cleaned them all over again and let him go with some powerful antibiotics. They finally went to the pharmacy and picked up his anti-depressant prescription, along with their grocery shopping. 

They talked things over, and agreed things had to change. Every night, they had a check in with each other, just to see how they were doing. They both worked on talking through their feelings, and then doing their best to let them pass. 

They tried to go on walks together everyday. Kageyama abandoned the running that made his legs ache and his throat raw. Hinata stopped doing homework at coffee shops. Instead the two sat at their dining room table together to do work. 

Things were looking up, they really were. No buts needed. 

"There's one thing I haven't really talked about all that much," Kageyama said that night, dealing cards to Hinata. They started playing cards at night. It was a nice distractor for if they approached a somewhat awkward topic. It let them get through it without have to make too much weird eye contact, but still allow for more communication than say watching TV. 

"It's just about how... close I've been with you lately. Physically." Kageyama paused to let Hinata process that. It had been something that had been on Hinata's mind, but he didn't want to make Kageyama do anything he didn't feel comfortable with. 

"Yeah, I have noticed something up with that," Hinata said cautiously. 

"I'm sorry I've been more distant about that, I'm just a little... afraid I guess? I don't know, with everything that's happened..." Kageyama gestured to the cuts and scars on his legs. "I felt a little insecure? And I guess I felt like I would just hurt you more, like I've already done enough damage and... I don't know."

"Do you think having held back for longer has made it worse?"

"I don't know." Kageyama swallowed. 

"Hey, well, if you want to try anything, to any level, I'm okay with that. And we can stop whenever you want to stop," Hinata offered. 

"I just want to be comfortable with you and... I don't know why I'm not," Kageyama said. He felt stupid saying this. What was he afraid of? Him and Hinata had had sex before, why did it freak him out so much now? It was a little easier, now that Hinata knew about the scars on his legs, he didn't need to hide those anymore. "Maybe it's just that... I don't want to do anything like that with you when I  feel so, weird, and, out of place, I guess. 

"Like you want to feel more comfortable with yourself before you go back to being that close with me?" Hinata tried to keep his voice from twinging with hurt. These things took time, he knew that. "Maybe doing it now could, I don't know, help you get back to that faster, maybe?"

"Maybe. Just the thought of, sex, I guess, gets me all anxious and nervous. I really wish it didn't, and I don't know why. Maybe that's just an extension of all the emotions I was trying to suppress, I don't know."

"Well, we can go slow, if you want. Just one step at a time, not all at once, if you don't want to," Hinata said. 

"Not tonight, though," Kageyama said quickly. 

"Oh no, not unless you wanted to. Just for the general future, right?" Hinata offered a small smile to his boyfriend. This was progress. They had made more progress in the past week than they had in the whole previous month. 

"Yeah. Thanks for being understanding," Kageyama said, exhaling. That must have been something that had been weighing on him for a while. 

"Hey, that's what I'm here for. Oh, also, Uno." Hinata held his singular card up. 

"Dammit, Shoyo." Kageyama still had quite a lot of cards in his hand. Hinata laughed at his boyfriend who had is brow furrowed at his hand of cards, feeling more comfortable than he had in weeks.