Happier ~a kagehina fanfiction~

Prologue 2

Loving and fighting, accusing denying

I can't imagine a world with you gone

They joy and the chaos, the demons we're made of

I'd be so lost if you left me alone

"Tobio, please," Hinata rested his head on the door. Ever since Kageyama had told him about his depression, Hinata had been noticing more things about him, more things to be concerned about. And Hinata had always wanted to help, but sometimes he was at a loss for what to do. Even though Hinata has tried his best to be as supportive as possible, sometimes things just got out of hand. This time, Hinata couldn't help but blame himself. Kageyama was already having a worse day than usual, and then Hinata had yelled at him. How could he have done that? Hinata's head leaned against the door, tears slowly dripping down his face.

It hadn't been all that long since they had graduated and gotten a place of their own. It was just a little longer than that that Hinata had learned about Kageyama's depression. They were both at college, but Kageyama hadn't been keeping up with his work, and Hinata had noticed, but didn't want to pressure his boyfriend too much. 

Lately, Hinata had been becoming more inpatient. He was stressed about school, and sometimes he just couldn't deal with Kageyama and his mood swings. He knew it was terrible, and he had been trying to be better, but there were days when he got tired. And today had been a hard day for Hinata and he forgot himself. A mistake he swore he would never make again. 

He loved Tobio, first and foremost. Nothing else mattered as much as Tobio did. 

"Tobio, I'm so sorry, please come out. It's my fault," Hinata pleaded. Hinata heard heavy breathing from inside the door. He was still all right, then. "Please, just let me in."

You locked yourself in the bathroom

Lying on the floor when I break through

I pull you in to feel your heartbeat

Can you hear me screaming, "Please don't leave me"

After jiggling the handle enough, the door finally gave way. Hinata practically fell into the bathroom and gasped when he took in the sight. Blood, so much blood. Hinata dropped to his knees. His breaths quickened as he frantically fumbled for something to wrap Kageyama's arms in. His hands didn't seem to work and he kept tangling the bandages. Once there was something covering the wounds, Hinata picked up Kageyama from the blood stricken tile and carefully laid him in the car. He quickly checked Kageyama's pulse. It was still there, there was still a chance. Then Hinata sped toward the hospital. It was faster this way; an ambulance would have taken too long, he told himself. He hoped that he made the right choice.

A long endless highway, you're silent beside me

Driving a nightmare I can't escape from

Helplessly praying, the light isn't fading

Hiding in the shock and the chill in my bones

Hinata rushed into the emergency room, Kageyama in his arms.

"Somebody help, please!" he choked out. Blood had soaked through the bandages on Kageyama's wrists and was slowly dripping onto the hospital floor. A nurse spotted him and screamed for more help. People flooded into the room, taking in the scene of two, blood soaked boys. Hinata's breaths were heavy and fast. "Please, help..."

They took you away on a table

I pace back and forth as you lay still

I pull you in to feel your heartbeat

Can you hear me screaming, "Please don't leave me"

Hinata paced back and forth in the waiting room. Tears continued to stream down his face. How could he have let something like this happen? He should have been better, more supportive, he should have listened more. There must be something else he could have done.

Suddenly a horrible thought dawned upon Hinata. What if Tobio had also taken pills? They have sleeping pills in the bathroom; Hinata didn't even to think to check in his wild frenzy to stop the bleeding. His breaths started to speed up again. What if it was already too late? Hinata couldn't remember how strong Kageyama's pulse was. What if it was just about to fade away? Hinata tugged at his hair. How could he have been so careless? He had seen Kageyama getting worse, but he hadn't done anything more to help. How could he have not done more to help? Hinata collapsed into one of the chairs, feeling light-headed.

Hold on, I still want you

Come back, I still need you

Let me take your hand, I'll make it right

I swear to love you all my life

Hold on, I still need you

Hinata's fingernails dug into his palm. He silently pleaded for a doctor to come out and say that Tobio was okay, that his Tobio was going to be fine. Hinata kept finding himself biting his lip, hard. He needed something to do to distract him, but there wasn't anything he could do to take his mind off Kageyama. It was all his fault, a voice in Hinata's head said. It was his fault that Tobio became depressed, it was his fault that Tobio tried to kill himself. He just made Tobio worse.

I don't wanna let go

I know I'm not that strong

I just wanna hear you

Saying, "Baby, let's go home"

Let's go home

Yeah, I just wanna take you home

After what felt like an eternity, a doctor walked into the nearly empty waiting room. Hinata looked up hopefully at her.

"Are you here for Kageyama Tobio?" she asked gently. Hinata nodded sadly, but a small smile formed on her face. "Well, I have good news then. He lost a lot of blood, and swallowed too many sleeping pills, but we managed to get to him in time. You did very well, getting him here as soon as you did." Hinata heaved a sigh of relief. Tobio was going to be okay.

"Can I see him?" Hinata squeaked. The doctor nodded.

"He might not be awake yet, though," she said. Hinata nervously followed her through the winding corridors of the hospital. She stopped in front of a room, and turned to look at Hinata with a sympathetic look on her face. She saw his trembling lip and watery eyes.

"Do you need a minute?" she asked quietly. Hinata shook his head. They walked into the room and Hinata sighed, a confirmation that Tobio really was okay, sitting right in front of him.

Kageyama was laid on the bed with thick wrappings on both his arms. His eyes were still closed, so Hinata took the seat next to the bed. Hinata gently took Kageyama's hand, making sure to move him as little as possible.

"I love you, Tobio."

Hold on, I still want you.

Come back, I still need you.