Love, Hope.

Vulnerable

It was back to Monday again after spending a whole week with Austin. We grew close over the past week and I don't know why am I even admitting this but I actually feel really nice when I'm with him. There's something about him that makes me feel comfortable and makes me think that I can totally be the real version of myself and he wouldn't really care. What I'm trying to say is, he makes me feel happy and comfortable and in the past two years there had been no one who was capable of making me feel this way!

Back to the project! It was now his turn to observe me and get to know the real me. I honestly don't know what he's going to write because to be honest I'm not at all that interesting. We decided to meet at 5 at a nearby park so that he can start asking me all the basic questions he had for me and then from tomorrow onwards we can get into the emotional and intense talks which by the way I don't want to get into. I Don't like opening up to people anymore. I feel like they always disappoint you in the end, So we'll see.
At exactly 5 pm after school, I reach near the park when I see Austin sitting on a bench at one corner inside the park, the area was isolated from the chaos of the children playing in the park. Maybe, he is tired of always being the center of attention and likes isolating himself which I'm guessing by what he told last week.

I make my way towards him and say "Hey, how long have you been sitting here? "
He was on his phone and the sudden sound of me speaking shocked him.
"Damn it Hope, you scared me" he said.
"I didn't know you get scared. Aren't you the tough, annoying jock? " I said mocking him.
He rolled his eyes at me and moved to the right side of the bench making space for me to sit.
We continue talking for a while and he asks me all the questions he wrote down in his small notebook. Two hours pass by quickly and we both decide to continue the project tomorrow. Just when I turned around to leave, he pulled my hand from the back and stopped me, and when I turn around he says "Can I drive you home? It's dark and I Don't want you to walk home alone. "
Can he be any sweeter? But why does he care about me? He probably doesn't, he's just being a good friend to me. I agree immediately and he drops me off. I was pretty tired that day so I had my dinner and went to bed.

The next two days went by pretty quickly. We had deep conversations about certain matters, he asked for my views and opinions on things. This way I was also getting to know him more, even though I completed my part of the project, I still wanted to know more. He's Different and fascinating than everyone I've ever met in my life.
"Hey are you listening?" he says.
Just then I realize I blacked out gazing into his eyes. He must think I'm a creep.
"Oh yeah I am, sorry about that." that's all I manage to say at the moment.
"Are my eyes that dreamy that you basically got lost in them?" he said teasing me.
I could feel my face turn red with embarrassment. Did he have to say that? Ugh.
"And now you're blushing " he added continuing to mock me.
"oh shut up. I'm not" I said trying to save myself from the awkward situation.
And that's how the fourth day of the week ends.

Tomorrow's the last day we spend time together. And then he'll take two days for himself to write a total summary of the experience. And I think its finally time to open about the real me. Because if there's one thing that rewrote me was the tragedies that happened two years ago and it's about time he gets to know about that. I called him and told him that I'm taking him somewhere tomorrow, I didn't mention Where.
The next morning he comes in front of my house and I give him directions towards the Cemetary. He kept on asking why are we here but I kept resisting his questions because I need peace when I'm visiting my mother.
I stop in front of my mother's tomb and speak in almost a whisper "I came here to visit my mother" that's all I could let out. I am trying not to break down. I really am but I don't know how long I can hold it in.
All of a sudden he held my hand which gave me the courage, I don't know why.

"She was the most wonderful person I've ever known, she was my best friend. We had such a beautiful bond, I never thought I would lose her. The idea of losing her made me tremble with fear. And then my nightmare became a reality.
She fell on the floor one day, coughing clots of blood...
She was taken to the hospital while I sat down on the couch praying for her life, I felt weak... "
At this point I was on the verge of breaking down.
My voice was trembling.
"and then my dad came to take me to the hospital and then I discovered that she won't make it.
She died. She died in front of me, Austin. "
Right at that moment, I started crying and fell into my knees.
"she was gone. She was gone. "

He immediately pulled me into his arms and held me tightly as possible, trying to calm me down and make me feel safe. He caressed my hair and said in a concerned but calming voice.. "let it all out Hope, I'm here. You can give in."
Those words made me feel so comfortable and I didn't hold back. After two years of resisting, I finally gave in to someone.
I was Vulnerable.
But I didn't feel that fear of getting hurt again. I felt safe and protected. I craved that feeling for so long. I pretended I didn't. But deep down I did.
Austin slowly kissed my forehead making sure I feel safe and cared for. I hugged him back tighter. I needed him. I wanted to be in that position for the rest of my life.
I am starting to feel for him.
And in a long time, I'm not scared anymore.

After a while, he suggested that I go home and take some much-needed rest and asked me to call him if I needed him and he'll be there as soon as he can. We got into the car, after 10 minutes of driving he stopped at a subway, got me some food and finally dropped me off at my house. For the rest of the day I couldn't get the thought of what happened in the cemetery out of my head. He cared for me so much, So does he feel the same way about me? I have no idea. Or maybe I don't want to have an idea. What if life lets me down again? With all these thoughts spiraling through my head I fall asleep without realizing.

Hope finally admits she has feelings for Austin! When will Austin admit that? Find out in the next chapter.

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7th Chapter ~ 6th April