𝙵𝚘𝚛𝚐𝚎𝚝 𝙼𝚎 (𝙽𝚘𝚝) - 𝚉𝚊𝚛𝚛𝚢

chapter xvii.

The change Harry had hoped for doesn't come yet. In the evening, after another dinner outside, he finds himself in the guest bedroom again. By now, Harry's more than certain he won't be able to fall asleep so he prepares himself for the sleepless hours. He finds those folders and books about childcare in the study and also his work journal. Apart from getting "back" with his husband, Harry wants to return to work. He needs to, actually. They have a house and two children and they're not posh kids with trust funds they can live off of forever.

Paul joins Harry in the guest room and falls asleep at the end of the bed as Harry goes through all those books and notebooks in front of him. He reads a bit about nutrition in children, which is flabbergasting, kind of. At one point in his life, Harry sat down and did all this research, read all these books, just so he could provide his kids with the best possible care. It breaks his heart that he can't remember much of it but memories still keep coming back, in bits and pieces. It's a wildly strange process but Harry can feel himself moulding into the life he had before the accident, fitting back with his family. In the beginning, he felt like a wholly different person. He wasn't a dad, he wasn't a husband. But now he knows that he is. He wants to be a dad again, he wants to be with his children. Taking care of them is still a bit wonky from his side but he can get better, can't he? When Sadie was a baby he certainly wasn't a shining example of parenthood.

With his job, Harry's less confident and that's only because he doesn't remember much about his patient. Just as with his children, he's afraid he could hurt them by understanding their issues and problems in the wrong way and that could potentially lead to death. Harry remembers, more clearly than he'd like, talking a patient out of suicide on their vacation just weeks ago. Being a therapist isn't an easy job and although Harry remembers most of the things he had learned in uni, he needs to dedicate a good amount of time to getting familiar with the cases of his patients again.

His journal is an amazing source and he mentally thanks himself in the past for doing this. Whenever he got a new patient or stopped seeing one, there is a concise profile of all the why, how, what. Currently, Harry has a schedule that contains five to seven patients a day. Some people visit him twice or more times per week, some just once so all in all, he has a little over twenty patients in total. Which is still a lower number than he'd expected. He digs into his journal and takes a plain A4 paper for each one, writing down the most crucial details and things he needs to know. Like little flashcard for a test almost.

He does that for quite a while, hours probably, he doesn't check his phone. Paul moves into his lap at one point and stays there despite Harry writing constantly and reaching over the bed for different papers, notebooks and his laptop too. It's a good system and Harry's happy with it, even as his neck burns from the way he's sitting and he feels the inkling of a headache coming in. After god knows how long, he stretches his arms, moves Paul to a spare pillow and goes to use the loo. On his way back, he decides to check in with the kids. Sadie's soundly asleep and Harry doesn't risk getting closer past peering in from a cracked door in case he wakes her up. But he does walk into Noah's room and stands above his crib. Noah looks so sweet when he's asleep, his lips pouted and eyelashes casting a slight shadow on his face. His curls are a bit damp. He must be hot in the onesie in the summer heat. Harry decides to open the window for a while, hoping the night air has cooled and will relieve the remnants of the day's heat.

Just as Harry plops down into the rocking chair that's in the room, Noah begins to wake up. He murmurs and whines a little. Harry's picking him up before he has the chance to start crying.

"Daddy," Noah whines out and fists his hand in Harry's t-shirt. "Want daddy."

"Daddy's here, baby," Harry whispers and kisses the top of Noah's head. "I'm here, I'm not going anywhere." He rocks Noah in his arms and thankfully, Noah doesn't start crying. When he gets his other hand into the hair at the nape of Harry's neck, he quiets down completely and presses his face against Harry. "Is that better, baby? Daddy's here, you don't have to worry."