𝙵𝚘𝚛𝚐𝚎𝚝 𝙼𝚎 (𝙽𝚘𝚝) - 𝚉𝚊𝚛𝚛𝚢

chapter ii.

Harry slept and slept and slept for hours after the doctor had left. When he woke up, his mum was there already and Zayn was gone. Harry felt panicked when he remembered what had happened earlier and dread overcame him, along with the biting need to apologise. It's not his fault he had forgotten literally seven years of his life but he can't go back to this life he has, apparently. Not right now anyway. And he does apologise when Zayn comes back a few hours later, rather frantically because, in his mind, he's 21, just finishing uni and dating Xander but in reality, he has a husband and two children, who must miss him but it's fucking hard because Harry isn't their daddy. Technically, yes, he is but at the same time, he isn't. He forgot Noah's name until he had to sneakily look at his tattoo and remind himself the name of his child.

He's discharged the next morning and goes to stay with his mum. Zayn brought him his laptop from their house (fucking hell, they have a house), duly telling that his password is Sadie29110617Noah, Sadie and Noah's birthdates, Noah's with the month before the day. Because Harry never would've figured it out. Well, maybe he would've after hours and hours. He wouldn't think about trying the birthdays of some kids that are actually his. He would've tried his and Xander's anniversary or his mum's birthday or the name of his first cat (which wasn't actually just Dusty, a simple password, but Lord Dustington III).

Harry feels like he's stuck in a sci-fi film from the '60s. Staying at his mum's house makes this whole situation even worse because he finds out Robin passed away a couple of years ago and there are two new cats who Harry can't tell apart. It's akin to how watching The Incredible Shrinking Man felt. Harry sort of expects himself to perish like the man from the film did, only he's not getting smaller but forgetting more and more and more until his consciousness leaves completely and his corporeal form disintegrates into dust particles.

The first thing he does once he's back in his old room, which is now lacking all the posters and whatnot, as it had been slightly converted into a guest room, just still with his old furniture and most of his things still there, is take off his clothes and look at himself in the mirror. Apart from the nail polish, a very striking change is his hair. Harry remembers having long hair that went down to his shoulders in curls. Now his hair barely reaches his ears and is only vaguely wavy. There are new tattoos, apart from the one with Zayn's initial and the kids' names. And surprisingly, he's fitter than he remembers being. His arms are leaner, his stomach more defined and frankly, his arse and thighs look amazing. Harry hopes he has a trainer in a gym somewhere because currently, he has no clue how to maintain this figure. There is a long, thin scar on the side of his right wrist and when he asks his mum where he got it, she says it was from when he was baking a cake for Sadie's first birthday and he hit his wrist against the burning hot rack inside the oven.

Niall comes over the first day he's at his mum's. He tries to hide his distress behind laughter, as usual, so at least that is still the same. Even if he has brown hair now, it's still the same Niall Harry remembers from a time that is now far, far in the past to everyone but him. Niall jokes about the whole thing in between poorly disguised questions of concern and Harry almost forgets about everything for a while.

"Hit your old knob really good, didn't ya," Niall laughs over tea in the sitting room. "But you don't like, have some serious brain damage or whatnot, right?"

"No," Harry shakes his head with a wistful smile. "I'm technically healthy. Just lost my memories. Lots of them it seems."

"Oh, Haz," Niall sighs, his shoulders dropping. "I'm so sorry this happened. It's mad. I don't know how you're sitting here, talking to me. I would've just curled up in me bed and cried like a baby."

Harry breathes in deeply. He doesn't dare to look Niall in the eye. "In my head, I'm still 21. I don't-" Harry looks up to Niall's worried gaze. "I know that there are two little kids who miss me, miss their father but I don't see myself as that person. I don't think I am that person. As horrible as it sounds, I don't miss them because yesterday, I could barely remember their names. Three days ago, they were my kids and they were probably on my mind 24/7 but today, I think in the same way I did when I was 21 and they weren't even alive back then. Like, today, when I got back, I almost went and tried to text Xander? Because what I remember last is that I was dating him. I wasn't married. I didn't have children. How much has changed since then? How am I supposed to catch up with it all?"