𝙵𝚘𝚛𝚐𝚎𝚝 𝙼𝚎 (𝙽𝚘𝚝) - 𝚉𝚊𝚛𝚛𝚢

chapter iv.

Harry's first thought after waking up is "Shit, I'm late for work". He isn't. He's on leave, obviously, since he doesn't quite remember how to do his job. He's fine with remembering what he learned in his bachelor's degree but not a thing from his masters or from the time he's been practising.

One good moment from this whole retrograde amnesia saga was that Harry's job is what he wanted all along. He's a therapist, he got his masters and apparently, he'd been planning to get his PhD once Sadie and Noah were older. That's great news but what's fucked up is that it shouldn't be news at all. Today, Harry should've woken up, gotten himself and his kids ready and driven to work, like any other day. But instead, he doesn't even remember where he works, what his children usually have for breakfast and most crucially, Harry doesn't remember the name of a single patient, let alone what their problems actually are.

But the night before gave Harry a lot of insight. He remembers a tiny bit more now. He can clearly understand why he and Xander aren't together anymore, which is a relief. It's almost as if he's disgusted by thinking in present time that he's in love with Xander. But Harry also knows how he and his current husband started their relationship. While not being too clear, Harry can recall the attraction, the wild thing that rose up between them seemingly out of nowhere. He can't remember falling in love with Zayn but he can remember really wanting to sleep with him. Well... it's a start, isn't it?

For this day, Harry decides to take the first step - call Zayn. It was two days of nothing and even if Harry doesn't remember, he can empathise with the situation. If he was in Zayn's shoes, he doesn't think he would even leave him but Harry asked Zayn to leave him alone for now and it's probably a testament to their relationship that he let him, that he was supportive and brought Harry some things from home, like his laptop, charger and some clothes Harry couldn't believe were really his. (Since when does he wear huge, wide-legged pants? They do absolutely nothing for his arse.)

After breakfast, Harry realizes that he's bored. He's not used to being bored. Alongside that, he hates feeling useless. He's not at his job, which is understandable but still, he needs to add it to the list of steps he's meaning to take and it should be soon, before those memories leave him forever. So Harry cooks lunch for himself and his mum and changes out the cats' litter box. There. He's not so useless anymore.

It's around 3 PM when Harry finally feels brave enough to pick up his phone and call Zayn. He tries to remember that one video he saw, how happy Zayn looked. That photo with Noah on Harry's Facebook. They're still a family, even without the memories. Harry realizes that he can't just act like a 21-year-old again. Especially not when there are children involved. He's an adult, he has responsibilities and just because he can't remember what exactly those responsibilities are, it doesn't mean they're gone.

So Harry gets his phone and calls Zayn, who's saved as 'Loml' with lots of heart-shaped emojis and the contact photo is of Zayn making a funny face.

"Harry?"

For a split second, Harry considers hanging up. He should've texted. "Hi!" he says a bit too cheerfully before clearing his throat. "Hi. I just wanted to... have a chat I guess."

"That's good, yeah," Zayn says and Harry can't even guess what he might be thinking. "How are you? Are you feeling better?"

"Yes, thank you," Harry replies. God, why is he so formal? "Niall came over."

"I know," Zayn replies. "He told me before he left. Came over actually."

"Yeah, I know," Harry nods, even though Zayn can't see through the phone. "How are you?"

Zayn takes a pause. "I'm, uh, alright, all things considered. Noah's a bit of a nightmare, the terrible twos are truly hitting hard- sorry, you don't know about any of that, I won't burden you with that information right now."